Tightrope Walking

So, I've been seriously trying to think of what to write about this week. Week Five is complete.

I don't feel like I have much inspiration to pass along this week, mainly due to being so tired, so I guess I'll just recap what it felt like.

There's this game on the Wii. It's a tightrope game. You try to balance and walk across the tightrope and if you sway too far to the right or left, you go down. (Oh....there's another dialogue quotation again!) What I mean is that you fall to your certain death...off of the tightrope and game is over. And just before you fall, there is dramatic music, all of the Mii people that are watching you from the building across the way are looking nervous, and droplets of sweat start spewing from your head as you try to maintain balance.

Hey, wait a minute...the droplets of sweat and maintaining balance thing is actually more than imagination!

Anyway, I think I can compare this week to a tightrope and/or tightrope walk in several ways.

Let's talk muscles first. Like, hamstrings. And back muscles. Calf muscles. TOE muscles. And some muscles in my neck that I pretty much don't think have been used in the past 46 years of my life. All of the muscles in my body pretty much feel like a tightrope. I can see the rope in my head. It's a nasty looking one. Big and thick and sort of hairy, with bits of material sort of fraying from the sides. It's a dark tan/brown color and is tight, twisted as hard as possible (sorry...dialogue brain) and there is NO way that it is going to ever ever in a million years get loose again. Each muscle in my body feels like it's now a tightrope. I used to be able to touch my toes.

I think.

Way back sometime in my past.

Not so easy right now. I will definitely NOT be having a photo of Bikram standing on my back while I fold in half like a jack knife with my face touching my legs.

So...tightrope. Tight muscles. All over. I hope they will loosen up one day because my yoga postures are looking pretty darn BAD right now. Some "example" I'll be setting as a teacher. "They" say this all goes away after you return home and back to your normal routine and life. We'll just have to wait and see on that one.

I wish I knew who "they" were.

Next, let's talk emotions. I'm using the tightrope reference here like...Oh...I feel my balance is off today...hope I don't fall...almost fell...oh, I recovered...oh...falling again...oh no...here I go! I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

You get the idea.

Week Five was tough emotionally, felt like I was constantly "falling off the rope," during yoga class, posture clinic, wherever. Happy one day. Sad the next day. Confidence up one afternoon. Confidence down the next afternoon. I think these emotional ups and downs were because I am so worn out physically. The two are most definitely connected. When your body is tired, you are just more emotional. It actually feels good to cry. I welcome it now if I am in class and the tears start coming. And it's not just me. Everyone is walking around like zombies. People are limping, crying, walking into things...just generally everyone is hitting a wall. People are cranky. Tolerance is low. We are all feeling the effects of the same routine day after day without enough of a break to really feel refreshed before starting over again into yet another week.

By Friday of this week, most people in my posture clinic arrived unprepared to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, but for the first time, many of us were too tired to care. We just went up when it was our turn and did the best we could. "Fake it 'til you make it" is what they keep telling us. And, it usually worked out pretty well. We're all tired and punchy and saying things in posture clinic that make us laugh.

An Irishman in our group had "homework" from his last presentation to "have fun, be loud, and use a different accent" when he presented his next posture. So, he stood up to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, which are both pretty quiet postures, so you don't necessarily have to be "energetic" with your instruction. He started YELLING his instructions with an American Southern (redneck, if you don't mind) accent. He was yelling so loudly that his entire head turned red. He had us ALL in stitches laughing hysterically. He went through the entire dialogue, perfect, didn't miss a word. It was great. His "homework" was accomplished and we all had a good and much needed laugh.

My turn came and I did my best to sound "commanding" which was my homework. (I'm sure that Mark is laughing at this...as I know it's hard for him to imagine that I might not sound commanding enough.) So, I did my best and was told "nice job...that was more commanding." But...our posture clinic was being led by a teacher from Austin, Texas (yes, Karen comes back to haunt me again!) who was really fun and enjoyed making us do all sorts of fun stuff. So...before I could get away, she asked me to deliver my dialogue again, military style, like a drill sergeant, and YELL at the students, and get it out as fast as possible, no matter what comes out, keep going. Now, I did NOT have these two postures very well memorized, I must confess, and when I did deliver them the first time, I had to really think about what to say and I know I left out a few lines...so when under pressure to deliver loud and fast, military style...well...it's hard to try to recall what to say while in this situation.

I said something like this...

"Stand up straight! Get your feet together on the line! Now pick up your right foot and hold it in your left hand! Place that foot right up into your crotch and keep it there! Now put your hands together LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO CHURCH! NOW PUSH YOUR HIPS FORWARD TOWARD THE MIRROR! OPEN THOSE HIPS UP LIKE ELVIS PRESLEY!" (The real instruction is to push your hips forward toward the mirror to open up your pelvis...not "Elvis.")

At this point, I was just too silly to go on. Everyone had a good laugh and the teacher told me that I did a great job and I could stop. Now every time I hear the part in the dialogue about opening up your pelvis, I have to think "...like Elvis."

The teacher told me that if I'm teaching my first class and I get into a bind...forget what to say...to do something like that and it would save the day. Seems like that would be some unexpected fun in the yoga room.

She had several of the male trainees present dialogue in a female voice for their second turn. This also got a lot of laughs from everyone. We learned a lot, had some fun, and forgot for a while how tired we all are.

Other highlights this week....

Wednesday night marked the exact halfway point for us. We were treated to evening lecture with Diane and Teri. Diane talked to us about how the dialogue is a "prescription" to help heal people and how we are responsible for sticking to the prescription because it works. She told us that we will hear countless stories about how this yoga has helped to heal people in many ways and that it's a wonderful gift to be able to give...IF you give it the right way. Teri came up on stage and told her story of how Bikram yoga changed her life. Long story short, she arrived at her first Bikram class unable to move her neck due to a spinal injury for which her doctors told her there was no cure other than surgery and rods implanted in her cervical spine which would limit her range of motion for the rest of her life. Also, she was a heavy smoker. She arrived to Diane's class unable to move her neck. All Diane asked her was if she could move her eyes. Answer was yes....welcome to your first Bikram yoga class. Years later, no surgery, no rods in her spine, having quit smoking, she has a new life. She feels great and she did a lovely back bend for us on the stage. Amazing! It was most inspirational and we were all sad that she returned home next day. We will miss her. She's Teri Almquist from Bikram Yoga Merrimack Valley in Massachusetts...if you are ever in her neighborhood. A truly amazing woman. So compassionate. She reminded us to make no judgements, especially with new students, because we don't know what they are bringing in with them. Emotions, physical issues, addictions...whatever. Be compassionate. Great lesson.

This night was a highlight because it reminded us all of why we are here. A nice boost in the midst of a tough week and everyone having a hard time REMEMBERING why we are here. I am looking forward to more nights like that one in the coming weeks. The inspiration from a real life story really helps you to think that "all of this bullshit" is worth it in the end. How great to be able to help someone like Teri.

Another highlight...during one afternoon posture clinic, there was a visiting teacher who I felt like I knew from somewhere. Couldn't pinpoint it, but I just felt like I knew her. After my dialogue delivery and feedback from the lead teacher, she added a few comments that made me feel really good. I can't even remember what they were now, but I remember that what she said made me feel like she really "got me," even though she had just watched me deliver 45 seconds of dialogue and had never met me before. That was so SO nice to hear. I spoke to her afterwards and she lives in California, so we figured that we couldn't know each other. She did grow up on the east coast, so maybe that is why she was familiar.

Big highlight this week happened for me in the elevator. I ran into "Miss Pink," who was in teacher training with Karen and wrote a book called "Miss Pink and the Mighty Cobra" about her teacher training experience. Way back when I was talking with Karen about the decision to come to training, she gave me that book to read and I think I finished it in two days. I could relate to Miss Pink on SO many levels and her book was inspiring and funny and made me want to come to training. So, when she introduced herself to the class last week, I was thrilled to see her in person, but realized that my chances of running into her again were slim. She was not in my posture clinics, so I didn't think I'd get to meet her and thank her for writing her book. And then one day, there she was in the elevator. I had about 10 floors to spew out how wonderful I thought her book was, how inspirational she was, blah, blah, blah... Hope she wasn't too overwhelmed by my excitement!

Another highlight...or "lowlight," as it is. The heat in the yoga room was insane this week for the 5:00 class. IN. SANE. Diane taught Thursday class and it was literally so hot in there that by the time Triangle rolled around, she mentioned to the staff at the back of the room that they might open the doors if the thought it was a good idea (which, they didn't, of course). A few minutes later, she mentioned that anyone who was feeling bad might want to "go out of the room, take a little break." I was flat on my back, trying to just breathe and stay in the room, crying, of course, due to exhaustion and sadness because it was Diane teaching and I was missing her class, and I saw MANY people pass me by out of the corner of my eye...fleeing from the heat. I survived, having felt a little better about not making it through beyond Triangle pose, cuz if Diane was giving permission/admitting that the room was overheated, then I was not just "being lazy" by sitting out the second half of class, unable to lift a finger, let alone a limb.

Next day the heat was better, but so was the outside weather here in Las Vegas. It was hotter mid week. I have figured out that the outside weather has a HUGE effect on the temperature in the tent and I am now hoping it doesn't get too hot too soon. They tell us that the desert heats up pretty severely in the Summer. But that's usually late Summer, July/August time. I can only hope.

So, after a couple of days of ridiculously hot afternoon classes, we were all worn out and beyond caring about much. Thus the crazy Friday posture clinic behaviors.

Highlight...anatomy course is over. The final test was on Monday afternoon. I'm sure that I will receive an adequate grade so that I will not be needing to retake that one. Good to have that course out of the way and not have "extra" stuff to study.

Lowlight...Maggie was sick all week this week with some virus. It was a throw-up kind of virus. A fever kind of virus. She was okay during the day, then her fever would spike in the evenings, causing confusion for Mark as to whether she was getting better or not. She missed three days of school and was up in the night a few times, so no one was getting sleep at my house. We had to cut our Skype call short last Sunday because she had to leave the screen to go and throw up. Pitiful. She looked and sounded tired and so did Mark. I'm hoping that she's better this week and everything gets back to normal. I was wishing that I was home to take care of them both.

Highlight...they moved the CPR certification class from Saturday to Friday which was GREAT. Originally, CPR was going to take up our Saturday afternoon. When they changed that out, there was thunderous applause and pounding on the floor (this is what we do when we are really happy about something) from all of the teacher trainees because we now had a free day on Saturday to do errands, laundry, study, SLEEP. "First time EVER in Bikram yoga teacher training that CPR is not on the weekend..." We were reminded of this over and over again.

I took advantage of the sleep part and had two naps today. Now a night of sleep with no alarm to wake me in the morning is sounding glorious. Tomorrow is a day of study. I worked today with a friend and we were both too tired to study very effectively. We knew when it was time to give up. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I hope.

Long as there are no tightropes around.

But, I guess if they are there, I'll just do the best I can to balance and if I fall off, get back on.

After all, it's now becoming less about "me" and more about "them." The students, that is. They are the ones who I am here for. That is my "self-realization" for this week.

That, and the fact that "Elvis" rhymes nicely with "pelvis!"

Had It All Along

So, today in class, I was thinking...about nothing in particular, which is what you are supposed to do. Just doing my postures and focusing on nothing.

When a thought popped into my head out of no where!

And I had a revelation of sorts. You know my post for this past week was "mind over the matter," right? Well, during class today, the thought that popped into my head was...actually more like a conversation (or many conversations over the years actually) that I've had with my mom. Something like this...

Marcia: "Mom...are your knees bothering you? Looks like you are in pain."

Mom: "Well, I just tell myself that they are NOT bothering me."

Me: (eye roll) "Now, Jennie...maybe you should see the doctor about them?"

Mom: "I don't need to see the doctor. I just tell myself that they are fine. And that's that."

Those of you who know Jennie know that there is no arguing with her. This is the end of this particular conversation (which occured before the knee replacement surgery, by the way.)

Or another one...

Marcia: "Mom...your back bothering you? Seems like something is up."

Mom: "Yes, but I put the heating pad on it and I tell myself it is NOT bothering me and it's fine."

You see a trend here?

Or this one...

Marcia: "Mom...HOW do you only eat chocolate twice a year? Don't you want some chocolate when it's not Easter or Christmas, for God's sake?" ("For God's sake" is a big Jennie-ism.)

Mom: "Well, of course I want the chocolate, but I made a promise a long time ago to God and this is a sacrifice of sorts and so I just do it."

Marcia: "Man, I wish I could be more in control like that!"

You see it yet???

It's MIND OVER THE MATTER!!! My mom has been exposing me to this all of my life! How cool is that? I grew up with this technique right in front of me! She says her knees aren't bothering her and they don't. She says her back isn't going to stop her from bowling/golfing/shopping...and it doesn't! She says she won't eat chocolate and she doesn't! She has TOTAL mind control!! Wow!

And since Mom is older than Bikram (although I won't say how much older)....I have to wonder if maybe HE didn't learn it from HER?

We are always thanking our moms for stuff. Stuff we don't even realize they are doing for us or stuff they teach us by example. I guess I am teaching my own daughter by example right now. She will realize it one day too. I hope it's a good one It seems that it takes a lifetime to realize how much our moms do for us...even now after 46 years I am discovering new things. It's nice to continue to realize how much a parent does for their children...sometimes unintentionally, just by being themselves. I am so lucky to have a mom like Jennie. And a dad like Mike.

Feeling so blessed today.

Week Four: Mind Over The Matter?

Okay, so I am trying for something clever here, but nothing is coming to me. Just a normal week. Nothing extraordinary. At least it doesn't seem extraordinary.

Uh...wait a minute. Let me change that thought. Maybe it was an extraordinary week. Let's see...

I should say that I started the week on Monday by talking to myself on the way to the elevator (yes, out loud...no big deal here as it IS Vegas and people are walking around talking to themselves all the time at all hours, so I fit right in even though I am not drunk) and down to the yoga "compound" and telling myself it was going to be a good week. Telling myself that I was not going to have any issues this week that were out of the ordinary. No intestinal issues. Just normal aches and pains and tiredness. I was trying the "mind over the matter" trick. If I just tell myself it is going to be a good week, then it WILL be a good week.

And Monday went well. I was rested. I think all Mondays will go pretty well compared to the remaining days of the week. I woke up with a bit of a funny feeling in my head that morning, though. Having just recovered from the "intestinal issues" of the previous week, I was a bit concerned. During Monday's two yoga classes when my head went upside-down on a few occasions I felt a lot of sinus pressure in my head.

"My head feels funny...what do you think is wrong with me?" I said to my friend on Monday night. All day I had been worrying about what his headachey feeling meant. I was thinking that now that my intestinal issues are seemingly past...is this the next "thing" for me to have trouble with? Is this a sign of dehydration? Malnutrition? Hormonal imbalance? Gas? Stress? Reflux? Indigestion? Emotional problems? I was thinking of all sorts of horrible things and wondering how I could possibly fix myself so I could survive the week to come. Thinking that I had solved one physical issue and now was gearing up to deal with another one, OH NO! "Will I ever feel normal again??"

"Maybe you're having some sinus issues?" she said, just sort of calmly and matter-of-factly. (?)

"Oh!"

Revelation!!!!

I'm thinking in my head now..."yes...during class this morning I did feel sinus pressure! Could it really be that simple? Sinus pressure in my head? Oh my gosh! Maybe it's NOT any of those awful things I have made up. Maybe it's just sinus congestion. Simple as that. JUST my sinuses! It's dry here in Vegas. My nose is dry, throat dry. I have congestion which is making my head feel funny. OF COURSE THAT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!"

And you know what?

Almost immediately...I felt better. My headachey feeling went away. Gone. Just like that.

Power of the mind. Bikram has been lecturing about the "mind over the matter" for the past week. How your mind can control your body and you have to be the master of your thoughts.Hmmmm. Could he actually have a point? (And no, they are not serving Kool Aid at the lectures, so get that out of your heads, all of you I-know-who-you-are people!)

He showed us some video clips of yogis (himself, his guru, his friend) who were on episodes of "That's Incredible" back in the 1970's. There were clips of yogis lying on a bed of nails, motorcycles driving over the top of their bodies, or elephants walking over the chest of a yogi lying on the ground on a mattress with a board over the top of his chest. And more. Many more seemingly impossible feats of strength. It was all pretty incredible, and we are anxiously waiting for the explanation of "how" the yogis perform these amazing feats. Is it all mind over matter?? Positioning of the body? How do they do it? Still waiting for the answer. Will have to report back to you on that one.

So, good news, bottom line there is that this week I had a completely "normal" week as far as physical issues go. No intestinal problems. No headache. Just the sinus thing and of course the sleepiness at the end of the week due to Bikram's return and also return of the late-night lectures on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Nice. Week Four. I survived. No emotional releases this week, no physical issues...just doing my job this week, one day at a time, getting more and more tired. Week Four, better than week three. Yipeee!

So, oh my gosh, now I can't help but worry that "since my 4th week was good, then my 5th week might suck." No no no...have to push that thought out of my head! Mind over matter.

Posture clinic on Monday night...Bikram had "something else to do" we were told, so we didn't have his lecture on that night. Instead we had posture clinic and I presented Eagle pose and was told to focus more on the "bold words" in the dialogue and emphasize them more. I should add here that in the next posture clinic, the next set of teachers then tell me to "smooth it out" more. Don't be so bold. It's interesting, watching how posture clinic works. I guess you go to one extreme, then the other, then back and forth until you meet in the middle eventually, finding your personal "style."

More visiting teachers this week during the week and it's great to see all the different styles of teaching, how some teachers have great energy for some trainees and not for others. We had a grueling class one morning with a teacher who is nicknamed "Two Hour Ted." We were all weary from late-night lecture the evening before and NO ONE I talked with had many good things to say about that morning class. We were cranky.

Had posture clinic with Diane Ducharme on Friday and I must say that is was the highlight of my entire week. She gave us all excellent feedback and I learned SO much about yoga, about life, about myself. She is incredible. I find myself wishing that everyone could experience a posture clinic with her. She helped me to relax before I presented my balancing stick by talking with me about my name. "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" finally came up here. Took four weeks for someone to say it. Have to love it that it was Diane, someone so "famous." I had to smile and think of Jackie who always calls me this at home. Diane had me (and everyone else) laughing for a few minutes before I did my dialogue and then it just sort of flowed out of me. No problem. She has an amazing gift of making everyone feel at ease and special. Even the people in my group are closer as a result of the way she worked with us and helped us to get to know each other and support each other. Three hours. Pretty great gift she has.

Friday night's class was hot, hot, HOT. The teachers who are here for recertification attended class with us, bumping up the number in the tent from 360-ish to 500-ish. Amazing class. I was so thankful for the PROTEIN which I have been consuming in mass quantities this week, as it is giving my body strength to get through class. I have figured out that I need to eat a lot of protein after morning class and it carries me through the day and through evening class feeling pretty strong. Red meat. Eggs. Cheese. Yum.

No, I am not losing weight. But, at least I am not throwing up and/or dehydrated and/or having intestinal issues. (At this point, that seems more important than my weight.)

At least not this week. I make no predictions for next week.

The weekend was great as Karen and Pavida arrived on Friday. It was great to see them and feel like I had a little bit of home. Pavida brought a package to me from Mark and Maggie with a Hello Kitty lovingly made at the Build-A-Bear store, complete with Mother's Day sash, T-shirt with a photo of Maggie hugging Hello Kitty, poetry and cards made by Maggie, and chocolate covered banana chips from Fresh Market. HELLO!!! Wonderful surprises! I miss them so much and I am pretty excited that we are at the HALFWAY POINT!!!

I had a daytime slumber party with Pavida on Saturday during a break from theirrecertification classes and we watched TV and caught up on funny teacher training stories, mostly about the kinds of people here and the different teachers we've had. After Pavida and Karen went to their afternoon lecture, I had a nice nap on the bed. Luxury...hour and a half of sleep! Karen came to Friday night's lecture (at least up until the projector started warming up...smart girl!) and I was thrilled that she was there for Bikram's rendition of how he invented disco by removing the "-teque" part from some night club somewhere back in nineteen seventy-something. Classic Bikram.

On Sunday I am heading to the grocery store to stock up for the next couple of weeks, then to a buffet with Karen and Pavida before they have to leave. More studying is required tomorrow, as we are having our anatomy final on Monday and were told that posture clinic would be stepping up this week, so there is a lot to learn about the next four, five, or six postures. I am so tired during the week that my brain just doesn't function well for studying, so I find that getting as much as possible in on the weekends makes for a less stressful week.

I will post this now (Saturday night my time) and probably not post again until next weekend unless something really exciting happens this week. Bikram is in Vegas, I think, so I'm sure I'll be tired and not have a lot of time for blogging.

Please keep sending good thoughts my way. I miss you all and I am longing for "regular life" as I truly feel so far removed from normal stuff here in the yoga bubble. No news, no outside contact, nothing. It's odd. Can't imagine how much farther "out" I'll feel after another 5 weeks! It must be such a free feeling to be done at the end. I can only imagine, of course.

So...week four. I have been thinking all week of an assignment to give to everyone (teacher in me coming out, both the former teacher and the about to be teacher) who might be reading this. I guess since I had my "oh...it's just my sinuses and I'm not going to die this week" revelation, and sort of my theme is "mind over the matter" this week, why don't you guys try it this week with something? Anything. You've got nothing to lose. You don't even have to tell anyone that you're trying my assignment.

I was in class next to a young guy this week and we were talking prior to class about how things were going, how tired we were, which staff members were bugging us and how, all the usual stuff. He was very calm and collected. Peaceful, I would say. He said that one day when a staff member asked him to do something and he didn't understand the reason why and started to get that pissed-0ff feeling and wanting to argue, instead he just said, "okay." That was it. He just said "okay" and let go of whatever he was going to get upset about. And then...this is the cool part. He said he was going to just add that to his list of things he is learning here. He just got to have an extra little personal "practice" in managing his feelings of anger and frustration (in this case). Pretty cool. Nice use of his energy. His name was Tyler. I had never seen him before and I recall thinking that he must always be on the opposite side of the room or something. I was amazed at his positivity! Young kid. Pretty mature. Nice to see a young kid with such good insight and positivity. He reminded me of Karen. A male version.

So...then Karen shows up on Friday for the teacher recertification and she's in class and we are chatting beforehand and she says...

"Have you met the guy who is here from Austin?" Austin is where she lives now.

"No...I don't think so...what's his name?"

Seriously.

You know it, don't you?

"Tyler!"

Now how about THAT? I'll have to find him and tell him the story.

But I am getting off track...

So...assignment.

Here it is.

Humor me.

Tell yourself something about what's bugging you. A body ache or pain. A thought that you have that might be negative. Someone who is bugging you for some reason...change the thought in your mind and see if it makes a difference. Yes, even if it's a physical pain that you can FEEL and not just a thought about someone or something. Try to change your thought. Direct your thoughts and energy to something more positive. Then let me know. Email me or comment here. You yogis can try something like, "I'm going to do a kick-ass triangle today, all four sides, no matter what...my triangle is going to be better than the one I did in my previous class." Or, if the entire triangle posture is too much, just think something like, "I'm going to breathe through triangle posture today." That's all. You don't have to say it out loud like a crazed Vegas tourist. Just to yourself. If it doesn't seem to be working, don't give up. Try it again next class. Non yogis try it with something else in your daytime process. A coworker who is making you crazy. A kid. The grocery store that ran out of the item you needed. Just try it. Change your mind. You have the capability to do it. Report back to me.

In my mind, I'm thinking that lots of you will try it. I can't wait to hear from you!

Roller Coasters and Ear Plugs

Well, here's the thing.

One of the reasons I began writing this blog was because reading the blogs of other teacher trainees who went before me was inspiring and comforting. I read through what they wrote and connected with many of them on many levels. I felt that "they did it, so maybe I could too." And I felt like I sort of knew how things went here because they wrote about it in their blog posts. So, in a way, they helped to prepare me for the teacher training experience.

So, one of my reasons for this was to do my "yoga" and help someone else.

Uh...major revelation this week. Giving myself a big "Duh!" right now. Because the truth is that there is absolutely no way to describe what happens here at training adequately to anyone other than someone who has already been through it. AND...I'm only three weeks in. So my "description" doesn't even really qualify as a "description" yet.

So, the question is...am I helping in any way? Or am I just helping myself by getting my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen.

Conclusion...I could really use the help right now, so I'll just take the "helping myself" part (because there are times when I need all the help I can get) and if there is someone out there who benefits from reading my thoughts, then that is just icing on the cake. Cheese on the pizza. Syrup on the pancakes.

Can you tell it's almost dinner time here?

Week Three has passed. I've been trying to think of a "theme" for the week. What will I title this Sunday's blog post? How did it go this week? Is there a central feeling or mood that describes this third week of training?

I guess it would be "roller coaster ride." This is the way so many teachers described what it feels like to be here. And I thought...okay. This means that some days you are "up" and other days you are "down." Some classes are "good" and some classes are "bad." Right? I can handle this. I've been on roller coasters.

Only, one small tiny little problem.

I don't like roller coasters any more.

In fact, I go out of my way to avoid them. Like the plague. Seriously.

NO roller coasters EVER again in my life.

Who needs 'em?

Why waste my time on 'em?

Those things are for thrill-seekers.

I'm over that.

I don't do that any more.

Uh...well, it would seem that, unfortunately, I am on a coaster right now. And the ride is far from over. And I am locked in. Unable to get off. I have to just breathe and ride and make it to the end.

So far, I've had ups and downs. The ups have been WAY up and the downs have been WAY down. My stomach has been turning. And I have felt like throwing up on several occasions. That's all roller coaster stuff, right?

The week started off great here. Monday was a good day (as I think all Mondays will be...rested and well-fed from the weekend). We had afternoon anatomy lectures with Dr. Jim Preddy, who is an ER doctor here in Vegas as well as an anatomy teacher and he is the American version of my brother-in-law Alan. Dr. P as he is affectionately known by all of us here, is a very loveable teddy bear kind of a guy with a great sense of humor and a big talent for teaching. He has taken yoga class with us twice this week and we are all so happy to have him in class with us, giving him a better understanding of what happens in 90 minute yoga class and how it relates to what he is teaching us. Evenings have been full of posture clinic, where we deliver our dialogue to a few demonstrators who do the posture so we can connect the words with the bodies and get some good practice for one day when we teach. Bedtime has been reasonable this week, no late night lectures, so you would think that the week would be a breeze.

Just goes to show you that you should have NO expectations.

Ever.

Never think you know what you're getting into because you just might be wrong.

After Monday, things just progressively went downhill. Down the biggest roller coaster hill. All the way down, all the way down...

Tuesday came with high temperatures here in Vegas. High temperatures outside, much like the low temperatures for the past two weeks which made the tent cold...have made the tent HOT. HOT. Like, Tuesday night, when we entered the yoga tent, we were all checking the little thermometer at the back and it said 128 when I walked past it. That is enough to give anyone a bit of a mental issue right before class. So, I just took it easy during class. WAY easy. Like, flat on my butt easy. People were dropping like flies all around me. The heat is ON here and I would like to believe that this is our "transitional period" of getting used to it. Much like when the weather changes in Richmond in the Spring...and the humidity starts to creep up and everyone starts suffering from "Oh MY GOD it's hot in the yoga room what are those crazy teachers trying to do to us" syndrome. And then, after a couple of weeks, we all get used to it and it's fine. I'm hoping (and, okay...well...praying) that this is all that is happening. Maybe Week Three is a transitional temperature week? Perhaps Week Four will be easier cuz I'll be used to the heat?

Emmy, the Bikram yoga legend, who is 82 and quite amazing, has been teaching our morning classes all week. She does not stand up on the podium. Instead, she wanders around and you never know exactly where she is in the room and/or when she will sneak up on you and fix your posture. Keeps you on your toes. She has some very good tips about precision of alignment in the postures and she has given our afternoon lecture a few times this week to expand upon this. One of the most significant points that she made this week was that we all get into bad habits with our postures. We may be slightly misaligned in triangle, for example, where there is so much room for error. And once the body gets used to that misalignment, we continue to do the posture that way, developing bad habits which can lead to injury. This is why it is so important to listen in class and do exactly as the instructor says...and to really think about your alignment. It's not your goal to make the posture "look perfect." Your goal is to execute the posture with proper alignment and intention to the best of your ability ON THAT GIVEN DAY. That is what gets the results that you want without injury. Might take a week, a month, a year...but you'll get there. I'm always discussing this issue with Mark (well...okay...arguing my point actually) at home. Perhaps it is the "male vs. female" thing?

He will come home from class and say "I did okay, but I didn't do insert-a-posture-name-here and insert-another-posture-name-here."

Then, I say..."You mean you sat out those postures?"

Then he says, "Uh...no, I just didn't get all the way back (or forward or touch my head on my knee, or whatever is necessary to make the posture look like, well, the posture, you get the idea)."

Then I go all "postal" on him and try to lecture about "it's not what it looks like, it's HOW you do it...you don't need to be perfect LOOKING, you just need to be trying the right way."

We end up agreeing to disagree here. But now that I am learning from Emmy this week, I know that I am right. :) Sorry, Honey. No one messes with what Emmy says.

One afternoon lecture was Emmy asking volunteers to come up on stage and get help with their triangle postures. People were rushing up there and she was fixing them all. Many were making faces of pain and torture as she was pushing their arm one way, torso another way, head another way. But we are all grateful to Emmy. She's everyone's grandmother and we are all very respectful of her, as she is of us.

Wednesday morning class was another tough one for me. The heat was up again in the room and our group was moved to the front two rows. We are now alternating rows in the yoga room so that each day you are on a different row. I ususally hang out in the middle to back rows, near a side of the room so that I can see the side of the room and not be immersed in the middle of 360 people. So, it was the first time I got to see myself in the mirror since Week One. Scary sight! I'm not looking so attractive. I see people all around me looking pretty good. They have cute yoga outfits and bright eyes and shiny hair. And they are all skinny. You can actually see their muscles. Me? Right now, I'm sort of looking like a pasty version of the person I thought I looked like. My hair is turning a sort of brassy color, complete with gray roots popping out. This looks particularly attractive when all pulled back from my face, the curly and frizzy parts sticking up all around my head like some evil halo. And then there is the lighting in the yoga tent, which seems to make me look even more pale than my Slovak heritage allows. That, and avoiding the sun like the plague. I don't think I am losing weight, as discussed previously in the "puffy" section of last week's blog post. In fact, I'm thinking that my "corporation" is getting larger and I am wearing more long yoga tops now instead of the short ones that I brought.

Oh...the "corporation?" This is what Emmy affectionatley calls the stomach. She was teaching this week and in several postures where you do a forward bend, you may be able to get your forehead on your knee a little better if you "don't have a large corporation."

Thursday and Friday classes are a blur to me. It was hot. I was tired. Some digestion issues caused some dehydration for which I was given Pedialite. I now have a nice bottle of Pedialite handy at all times. I still have some issues with my stomach and am hoping that they settle down, as taking two classes a day while eating the "BRAT" diet does not seem very doable. I will continue to take it easy in class and do what I can, rest when I can, cry if I need to. It's all a matter of letting out the frustration, I think. A good cry at the end of class just sort of comes out. And then I feel much better. Amazing. I don't even know why the crying happens. I hope that will be part of a lecture in the weeks to come.

So, bottom line, this week classes got harder, mainly due to the fact that the heat was higher. And for some reason, my digestive tract sort of exploded. I had heard that this happens to people sometime during the training, but of course I didn't think it was going to happen to me.

Again...why I am thinking and anticipating is beyond me. You think I would know better by now. Don't think ahead. Don't anticipate. JUST like in 90 minute yoga class. Let someone else think for you (in this case, the teacher).

Worst part of the digestive tract issues...dehydration. Best part...

...

...

I'm waiting for something to come into my head for "best part."

Maybe later it will come.

Otherwise physically my knees are still slightly "talking" to me. Nothing major, just a little chatter. Actually, they feel best during class, so I am glad for the two classes per day.

We have 30 classes in so far. Three weeks down. The yoga classes are actually the best part of the day. You are in your own space, under your own control. You're not sitting in a chair for several hours in lecture. Or on the floor for several hours in posture clinic. You are moving, you are finding some space and some peace. One of the two classes is usually taught by a very dialogue based teacher, so it helps to hear the dialogue over and over again. If I can stay physically healthy, it will be a good thing. If I can get my digestion back on the right track, it will help a lot.

But enough about my physical ailments.

Let's get mental.

That is going pretty okay. (Well...I know...all the crying? Something is clearly up with that, but I think that is coming more from all the yoga and from being so tired and having no control over my weekday life, so I feel I can say that "mentally" I really am doing okay.) I get to talk with Maggie each day (see schedule...5 or 10 whole minutes!) and she is always sounding great and happy, so that makes me feel good. She always answers with "Awesome!" when I ask her how her day was. Can't get better than that. Today when we were on Skype, she gave the computer a big hug and that made me happy as well.

Mark seems to be holding up okay. I know that having Taylor help out with Maggie is allowing him to stay at work and hopefully not feel too overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities of work and single parenthood. I am grateful for Taylor, our baby-sitter, who is a big part of helping him with Maggie.

I miss them so.

Let me be a responsible writer and answer a question.

So, the typical day here at teacher training...someone posed this question and I feel responsible to answer. At least I can speak for the first weeks of training. So far, the schedule is something like this...

7:00 alarm goes off

7:15 second alarm goes off

7:15 roommate's alarm also goes off

7:25 drag myself out of bed, have a "wake-up" shower, get dressed for yoga class

7:45 prepare beverages for yoga class, one water, one electrolyte beverage of some type

7:55 walk to yoga "compound" in rear area of the hotel

8:00 sign in for class (this is VITAL...if you forget, you have to do an extra make-up class on Saturday directly after Saturday's morning class)

8:05 get a good spot in the yoga room, lay down mat and stake claim to the spot (usually near the end as to avoid claustrophobia)

8:10 study for a few minutes

8:30 yoga class starts, 90 minutes

10:15 - 10:30 depending on how much extra stuff the teacher threw into class, return to hotel room, shower and eat something.

Study time.

11:30 prepare backpack with water and snacks for afternoon lecture

11:45 walk to lecture room in the "yoga compound" area

12:00 sign in for afternoon lecture (again...VITAL to sign in)

12:30 afternoon lecture until 4:00

2:30ish..break time for eating snack, using restroom, calling Maggie

2:45 break over

4:00 rush back to hotel room to change and prepare water bottles for class

4:25 walk back to yoga compound

4:30 sign in for afternoon yoga class, find spot for the mat

4:35 study for a few minutes

5:00 yoga class starts, 90 minutes

6:45-ish return to hotel room to shower and eat (maybe go to the hotel buffet or a restaurant if there is time)

8:30 sign in for evening lecture or posture clinic

9:00 posture clinic/lecture until...11:00, midnight, or later, depending on the subject matter and who is lecturing

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Ever see the movie "Groundhog Day?"

On Saturday, the alarm goes off at 6:45 and I get up by 7:00, drag myself to shower and out the door by 7:30 to sign in for 8:00 class. We are then released after 8:00 class (it's usually near 10:00 by the time we get done).

We return to the room to shower and eat, then head out for doing laundry and any grocery shopping or errands. It's easier to eat in the room due to time constraints during the week, so we get stuff to make lunch and easy dinners during the week, then eat out on the weekends.

Sunday is a day of "luxury" because you can sleep in and there is no schedule. You just plan your own. Normally, you are feeling rested and are able to study and spend some time communicating with home. Sunday is my day to clean up my blog thoughts from the week and post them.

This week, we did not do the car rental thing on Saturday (thus the early blog posting!). Saved some time and money and gained an entire day on Saturday to study by sending the laundry out with a guy who comes to pick it up near the yoga tent around noon on Saturday and returns it to the same location on Sunday. This seems like a good deal...saving a lot of time. But, I haven't yet seen the results, so am not sure if it's really a good deal or not. At this point, if I don't ever see those yoga clothes again, I won't miss them too much.

I'm finding a few minutes during the week to type some thoughts here and then on Sunday try to compose it all in some semblence of order and post it. I hope I'm not rambling too much.

On the other hand, a few rambling thoughts from the week follow here. Some are my own, many are those that Emmy shared with us during class or afternoon lecture.

No one told me before I came here that Coca Cola is the BEST medicine EVER invented. Who invented this stuff and where have they been hiding it? I'm not talking about the Diet Coke stuff. Or the caffiene free stuff. This is real, actual, original, Coke. Ahhhhhhhh.

The final 30 minutes of your yoga class IS your yoga. The first part is just the warm-up. The final 30 minutes of class is where you "take from the pantry" (again...Emmy). You will burn more fat in the final 30 minutes, so don't waste it by being lazy. Use up your pantry. You don't need all of the stuff you have in there!

"Lazy" is a favorite word of Emmy's. :)

In a posture, hold the stretch long enough to disarm the "stretch reflex." Stretch to your edge and HOLD IT (this is why your teacher tells you to "hold it" at the exact moment when you are ready to give it up). The reflex is designed by the body to protect it. If you actually hold it at the end, you are training your muscles to stretch just a little bit farther NEXT time. Think of the cumulative effect that will have!

You don't need ego gratification. That gets you nowhere. The object of the posture is NOT the "perfect" posture.

We only have 25 more days to survive. We will not count weekends, as they are mostly free. We will not count Week Nine, as we will be so happy then, that it won't matter what happens. So, we will only count the next five weeks, without weekends, that's twenty-five days!!! That seems pretty doable! Not that anyone is counting. We are not supposed to count.

Someone always says, one of the visiting teachers or a staff member here, at least every other day or so..."You will never have the chance to do this again...stay in the moment and enjoy it. Nine weeks of your life. Never will happen again." And we all have our own personal response...in our heads, of course, and not out loud. Something like "Thank You, Jesus!" "Praise the Lord!" Something like that.

Karen and Pavida are coming next weekend for teacher recertification. I am SO excited to see familiar faces from home. It will get me through next week, I know it. I will look forward to their visit all week and enjoy being with friends over the weekend when we have a chance to get together. Plus, I can try to beat them up. After all...they started this whole thing. I can still see them behind the teacher desk at Stony Point telling me that I could do this. Hmmmmmm.

And finally...earplugs. My new best friends here. Staying in the hotel, you never know whether the room next to you (which happens to be a suite in my case) will have noisy guests or quiet guests. When your neighbors are watching very LOUD television at 3:30 in the morning, it is vital that you have a method of quieting that down. Sleep is such an elusive thing here. So, earplugs have been my salvation this week. This was a tip that I read somewhere on a list of "what to bring" that was posted by a former teacher trainee. A nice quiet room and peaceful sleep is just two little squishy foamy tubes away.

Sit Down. Stay Down There.

Wednesday night, a few of us decided that we needed to eat "real food" and so after 5:00 yoga class and a quick shower, we went down to one of the hotel restaurants where they have counter service. This is about the fastest way to get restaurant food here in the hotel and time is at such a premium with our schedule here, so the faster, the better. The restaurant was busy and packed with tourists and many yogis as well. We sat at the counter and were joined by two lovely Austrailian women, also here participating in teacher training. After I asked the obligatory Crocodile Hunter questions (I have no shame...I loved Steve), we had a lovely chat about how we are doing so far. We ordered our food and then chatted some more. It was so nice to sit and laugh and chat. And chat. And chat...and....okay...now we've all gotten to know each other and we really are looking forward to eating some food. Where could the food be?

We are hungry.

More chatting.

We started watching the corner of the counter where the waitress would appear from out of nowhere with trays of food. She would continually bypass us. We sat and watched the corner. Just sitting.

Watching.

Looking at the food on the trays and talking about it.

Watching.

Waiting for our food.

Watching that corner.

Our revelation at this moment???

"This is what your DOG must feel like when he's waiting for you to feed him!!"

Second revelation?

"In fact...I think that what we are experiencing right now during this teacher training is VERY much like what a dog must feel like during his lifetime!"

Third revelation?

"So, are we, in fact...DOGS?"

After a few hearty laughs, we continued to bring our world-apart brains together in order to make comparisons as to how we are "dogs" here. Not in such a bad way.

Okay, some of it is bad, but not all of it...you have to find the humor or you'll never make it through.

Let me expand upon the whole dog theory.

I don't know about those of you who are reading this...well, actually I DO know about a lot of you who are reading this and I know how your dogs are treated and as a matter of fact, in my next life, I wouldn't mind returning AS your dog...but that is another blog post. So, I don't know about "some" of you who are reading this, but our personal dogs at home are pretty much treated like royalty, so if you think about it, being a "dog" isn't always a bad thing.

It's just a little restricting.

Example...you don't have a lot of control. You have to listen to your person/people and be a good obedient dog in order to have a happy life (avoiding flying rolled-up newspapers and the like). You do what your told to do, when you are told to do it, you eat when food is provided for you at the appointed time and place, you stay on a strict schedule and have appointed potty breaks, you pretty much stay in one location and you get to go out for "walks" on the weekends if you are lucky and if your person has time. There are other "dogs" that you can relate to and play with in a contained location. Sometimes you even live with another dog. You don't get to choose your companion because your person chose for you. You just have to learn to get along with each other. There are some breeds that you don't really care for, some of them are biters, some are barkers, some are hyper, some just plain mean, and some are relaxed and mellow. Sometimes you like to play together. Other times you want to just be left alone (and don't disturb me or I'll bite you without warning!)

Even some of the directions we tell the students in order that they position themselves correctly in a particular yoga posture lend themselves to the tone of command one uses when training a dog. "Sit Down...Stay Down There!" That's in Eagle pose. Sort of dog like directions. How many times have you told your dog to sit and stay?

See?

I have a mental picture in my mind of our dog Angus, who is now 13 years old. He's a wire-haired dachshund and was our first "baby." He has self-esteem issues, poor thing, and as a result, he does not play well with others, persons and canines alike. Well, back in the days when he was a young puppy and both Mark and I were working all day, I used to drop him off at the doggy daycare (I know, I know...just go with it) a few times a week. When I would pull up to pick him up at the end of the day, he would be all alone, sitting in the corner of the fence closest to the parking lot. And he would be just looking.

Looking and waiting.

Sitting and waiting.

For me to come and pick him up.

"Was he like this all day?" I would ask the trainers when I arrived at 4:00 to get him. And, of course, they would say that he was not...but I know he pretty much that he was. Just sitting and waiting for me.

So, sometimes I feel just like him. Either sitting and waiting for my food to arrive. Or looking off into the distance and the near future for when MY family will come to pick me up. If I am a good dog, I am rewarded with a good day. Either way, it's not so bad to live a dog's life.

At least not for a little while.

I do look forward to being a human again. Eventually. One day. In the future.

Thankful

Today is the fifty-ninth wedding anniversary of my parents.

I am so grateful for them and for everything that they gave me growing up. Not material stuff, but the love and supportive atmosphere that I didn't even realize I was lucky enough to have. I am grateful that they found each other fifty-nine years ago (well, more I guess, if you want to be technical) and stayed together raising four children through times that I know must've been difficult sometimes.

I feel as though I have had everything I could ever have wanted in this life of mine so far. And I know it is because of what my parents gave me. The foundation that they gave to me that allows me to be a strong person, to believe in myself, to choose right over wrong.

Being here among so many different people from all over the world and all kinds of backgrounds, as I have said before, has made me even more thankful for them.

So, God Bless Mom and Dad today, on their 59th wedding anniversary. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for what they have given to me. I hope I can instill the "whatever it is" (seems like a kind of magic to me) in my own child and that she will feel as fortunate as I do one day.

Broken Umbrella

For those of you who don't take Bikram yoga classes, let me explain the title of this week's post, "Broken Umbrella." There is a posture in the standing series called "Balancing Stick" in which you are standing on one leg and bending forward from the waist, arms clasped tight over your head and stretching toward the front wall (mirrors) and the foot of the leg you're not standing on pointed and stretching toward the back wall behind you. You are supposed to stretch and stretch and stretch yourself in opposite directions to make your body look like a "T" like in "Tom" and NOT like a "broken umbrella." We even had a demonstration of the proper form during Week 1 where Bikram pulled some poor fella from class, made him come up front where everyone could see, and then called upon one student to pull his arms one way and a second student to pull his legs the opposite direction, showing us and the poor fella how a proper Balancing Stick posture should look and feel. I think the guy was a couple of inches taller when they were finished.

This week for me, at least on Monday and Tuesday...were definitely "broken umbrella days." I was at the bottom of whatever my bottom has been so far. And I know it's only Week Two...seven more to go (not that I am counting).

Even though I had some crying episodes last week during morning classes, this was worse. On Tuesday, I do believe if someone had pulled up a limo (or a Pinto or even a "serial killer van" for that matter) and offered me a ride home, I would've JUMPED right in. Get me OUT of here!!!

I wanted Marcia back. WHO was this miserable weepy person, walking around like an empty shell...this was NOT me and although I didn't like feeling this way, I had no control over my emotions. They were just coming out. Dripping down my face for whoever was unfortunate enough to look at me, speak to me, sit next to me, practice next to me in class, anyone.

Sigh.

I described this sort of feeling on my FaceBook page as "Roadkill Pose." I guess that after only two weeks of "everything yoga," it seemed fitting to describe my state of being as it would apply to a yoga posture. I need to make up dialogue for this pose. Some instructions so that maybe I can teach it in my class some day to the students. I think it might go something like..."lay down on the floor, curl your body up, but not too tight, face down, belly down, arms and legs limp, breathing shallow...eyes half open and swollen. (That would be the set up part.) Take a deep breath, inhale, GASP for air if you need to, suck your stomach in...and cry. And cry. And cry. Continuously keep crying. Don't stop crying. Now cry, and cry, and cry, and CRY...last chance to CRY! (dramatic pause)...stay there, on the floor, do NOT come up until you feel a little better. Maybe in a few minutes. Maybe in a few hours. Maybe in a few days. Eventually you'll be hungry enough to have to get up from the floor."

Fortunately, for every "bottom" there is a top, and so after I came out of Roadkill Pose which lasted most of Monday night and all day Tuesday, I started the next posture. Wednesday was "Soaring Airplane Pose." You get the idea. I felt pretty good on Wednesday. Happiness returned. "Marcia" returned. Thank goodness. My Bikram Yoga Richmond teachers told me that this was a "roller coaster ride" full of ups and downs. I guess this is what they mean.

Now I look forward to each day wondering "which posture" I'll be in that day. And knowing that if it is indeed a "Roadkill" kind of day, the next one might just be "Soaring Airplane." Or at least "Twin Engine Prop." Something like that.

We had some severe weather here in Vegas this week. High winds with strong gusts caused evening classes to be canceled two days in a row. People around me were complaining about missing class. Secretly, I was happy for the break. I can handle one class a day mid week. I know it's going to get harder, so I'm enjoying the "light week" while I can.

We completed presenting Half Moon for Bikram this week. We were rewarded with a pizza party at the start of evening lecture. We are happy to have this milestone behind us. We will break into smaller groups in the coming weeks for posture clinics to present the other postures and receive coaching from the senior teachers and staff here.

A very nice gentleman presented his dialogue today on the stage and Bikram said he did a good job but he "looked like a terrorist." Bikram suggested that he shave. All of us in the audience in the lecture tent said "Awwwww...because this fellow is sweet and loved by everyone who speaks to him, very friendly." Bikram got upset with us...waved his arm and said to the guy, "Don't you listen to THEM. They will lie to you. Everyone will lie to you. Your mother is the first one to lie to you. Then your father lies to you. Your grandmother, your grandfather, your sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers...EVERYONE lies to you. What good is lying? It does you no good. All those people who lie to you...they are not your friends. I will tell you the TRUTH. I am the best friend you ever had." He is referring, of course, to the polite kinds of lies people tell like "Oh...what a cute baby," when really the baby might be not-so-cute. Or, "Oh what a great job you are doing in school!" when actually getting Bs and Cs might not be ideal. Or..."No, Honey...that dress does NOT make you look fat." Again, you get the idea. So, Bikram tells us all the time that HE is our best friend because HE will not lie to us. He will do us a favor by telling us the truth. We all laugh at this, of course.

Sometimes it's nice to hear a little complimentary lie once in a while.

Hard to believe that Week Two is now over. I feel like this was the warm-up period and that we were given time to adjust to the schedule, find our way around as far as laundry goes, and ease into class (physically).

I am a little apprehensive for Week Three, but will not worry about it until it is here. Bikram is away this week and Emmy is coming. Emmy is the principal of Bikram's Yoga College. She is 82 years old and apparently we are about to be amazed by what she can do (her postures) as well as her method of teaching (roaming around, sneaking up on us, taking us by surprise and killing us). "Emmy is coming" is what all of the teachers have been saying this with a sort of evil little smile. They won't say any more. They just smile. Bikram is the only one who has actually told us what is going to happen when Emmy arrives. Of course...because he won't lie to us. He is the best friend we ever had. He said something like...when Emmy gets here, she will take you and cut you up into pieces, throw you into the blender and put it on high speed, make a strawberry milkshake out of you...then she will DRINK you. Then there is an evil laugh...

I had a salad in one of the hotel cafes this week during an extra long dinner break which we were having due to the evening class being canceled (high winds). It was a Thai salad that came with chopsticks and a fortune cookie.

Get ready.

This was freaky.

The fortune inside my cookie said..."Your goal will be met in two months."

I KNOW!

Totally freaked out. I taped it into my notebook (because, of course, I brought a roll of scotch tape just in case I would be needing it).

Week Two was followed by a nice and restful weekend. We were dismissed from posture clinic at 11:00 on Friday night, so we had three glorious nights of sleep in a row. No extra-late nights this weekend. I feel rested and ready to start all over again, Week Three. The studying of the next few postures is taking every waking moment of my time, as I have to be ready to present these at posture clinic this week. I am still trying to find my "method" of memorization, and a little apprehensive about whether it's really sinking into my brain or not. All I can do is try.

My roommate and I shared a rental car along with a third friend this weekend and we ran our errands to the grocery store, Target, and the laundry mat. Simple things like having clean clothes are making me feel better. We got back to our room after running errands and put all of our stuff away. She and I had a good laugh at the complete JOY I get out of "arranging" my stuff, putting things away, keeping things tidy. I'm starting to call myself "Felix," from the Odd Couple. Or perhaps a more modern day name would be "Monk." What can I say? It's the only thing I have control over that makes me happy right now. Gotta take what I can! Last night we had pizza in our room and watched some of a movie on TV and studied. Felt a bit like college days. No...felt a LOT like college days. It was great.

Physically I am starting to feel some issues creeping up. Just when I was getting all confident about feeling good...saying things to myself like "Oh...I feel okay physically...some sore muscles, but nothing debilitating...good for me!" By Saturday morning class at the end of Week Two, my knees were talking to me...asking me what was I thinking taking 19 classes in 2 weeks. Just goes to show you that you shouldn't get too overconfident. But, sleep and Advil and rest from yoga class has made them feel normal again. I continue to not push myself too too hard in class, as I don't want to have an injury to deal with.

Also, physically, I am feeling puffy. Can't think of a better way to describe it. Several other women I've talked to are also feeling puffy. Could it be the bagel with Jif Extra Crunchy peanut butter and an iced latte every day after morning class last week? Could it be 5-cheese pizza from Saturday night? Could it be peanut M&Ms? I'm thinking that all of this might have something to do with it.

Which brings me to another subject. Eating. I'm eating without monitoring every single calorie. Unusual for me. For the past two (okay...more than two) years, I've been a faithful Weight Watchers member and tracked my calories always... So, now, here, it just seems impossible to add that to all the things I have to think about and worry about and study about. So, no calorie counting for me. I don't eat much during the week anyway, mostly due to being too tired and/or too close to having to take class.

Mentally, so far, things are okay. I'm missing home and missing Mark and Maggie, of course, but there is so much to keep me busy here that there is little time to "think" about what I'm missing. It's just like 90 minute yoga class. If you think too much, your mind will become your worst enemy instead of your best friend. I find that on Sundays I am missing them the most. I guess it's because that is my day to think.

I am already learning things about myself and about people, just by being in a group of 360 and watching and observing how things work, how people interact, and how I interact with them. Or not. I see some "groups" forming and I am not "in" any of them, which is, as far as I recall, how I seem to operate in my life. I look back at high school and college and even my time teaching and it seems that I am a person who operates on the "outside" of the group(s). I'm looking at this as a sort of a gift. At least that's my way of putting a positive spin on how I am operating here. Maybe I am a person who can relate with all of the groups, not locked into one or another. Isn't that good? To be able to relate to the groups. To not be locked in?

Bikram lectured this week on discrimination. His opinion is that discrimination is the one thing that causes all of the problems in the world. So, he was talking about how we should try not to discriminate against anyone based on their race, religion, the way they look, whatever. I watch people here and I see how easily and quickly they make judgements based on nothing, really. They don't even know they are doing it. Passing judgement before knowing anything about a person. I've met all kinds of people here with all kinds of backgrounds and life experiences that make them "the way they are." It's fascinating how your life experiences shape the person that you become as you grow older. So, another lesson learned this week...don't judge people before you get to know them. Always give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't know what kind of day they are having, what kind of week, month, year, life, or whatever. And if they are rude to you or don't give back to you what you think they should, just let them be. They are not ready yet. Don't judge. Don't try to change them. Just smile and be happy that you might have been a bright spot in their day, and move on. You can't control them or their feelings, and you shouldn't try to. You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself.

So, there it is. Week Two report. I think I've covered just about everything there is to cover. Now I'm off to study. Hope some of the postures will stick in my underused brain! I hope that one of them will be the "T like in Tom" and NOT the broken umbrella.

Some quotes from the week:

"Don't change the words of the dialogue. The words are there for a reason. It's like a song. You don't sing 'Raindrops keep falling on my ASS...' am I right?? So, you use the words of the dialogue exactly as they are written and your students will understand exactly what to do!"

"Having doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to use it."

Bikram, "Am I right?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

Bikram, "You got my point?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

"Smile...it doesn't cost you anything."

"It takes 43 muscles in the face to make a frown. It takes 3 to smile."