I don't feel like I have much inspiration to pass along this week, mainly due to being so tired, so I guess I'll just recap what it felt like.
There's this game on the Wii. It's a tightrope game. You try to balance and walk across the tightrope and if you sway too far to the right or left, you go down. (Oh....there's another dialogue quotation again!) What I mean is that you fall to your certain death...off of the tightrope and game is over. And just before you fall, there is dramatic music, all of the Mii people that are watching you from the building across the way are looking nervous, and droplets of sweat start spewing from your head as you try to maintain balance.
Hey, wait a minute...the droplets of sweat and maintaining balance thing is actually more than imagination!
Anyway, I think I can compare this week to a tightrope and/or tightrope walk in several ways.
Let's talk muscles first. Like, hamstrings. And back muscles. Calf muscles. TOE muscles. And some muscles in my neck that I pretty much don't think have been used in the past 46 years of my life. All of the muscles in my body pretty much feel like a tightrope. I can see the rope in my head. It's a nasty looking one. Big and thick and sort of hairy, with bits of material sort of fraying from the sides. It's a dark tan/brown color and is tight, twisted as hard as possible (sorry...dialogue brain) and there is NO way that it is going to ever ever in a million years get loose again. Each muscle in my body feels like it's now a tightrope. I used to be able to touch my toes.
I think.
Way back sometime in my past.
Not so easy right now. I will definitely NOT be having a photo of Bikram standing on my back while I fold in half like a jack knife with my face touching my legs.
So...tightrope. Tight muscles. All over. I hope they will loosen up one day because my yoga postures are looking pretty darn BAD right now. Some "example" I'll be setting as a teacher. "They" say this all goes away after you return home and back to your normal routine and life. We'll just have to wait and see on that one.
I wish I knew who "they" were.
Next, let's talk emotions. I'm using the tightrope reference here like...Oh...I feel my balance is off today...hope I don't fall...almost fell...oh, I recovered...oh...falling again...oh no...here I go! I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.
Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.
Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.
You get the idea.
Week Five was tough emotionally, felt like I was constantly "falling off the rope," during yoga class, posture clinic, wherever. Happy one day. Sad the next day. Confidence up one afternoon. Confidence down the next afternoon. I think these emotional ups and downs were because I am so worn out physically. The two are most definitely connected. When your body is tired, you are just more emotional. It actually feels good to cry. I welcome it now if I am in class and the tears start coming. And it's not just me. Everyone is walking around like zombies. People are limping, crying, walking into things...just generally everyone is hitting a wall. People are cranky. Tolerance is low. We are all feeling the effects of the same routine day after day without enough of a break to really feel refreshed before starting over again into yet another week.
By Friday of this week, most people in my posture clinic arrived unprepared to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, but for the first time, many of us were too tired to care. We just went up when it was our turn and did the best we could. "Fake it 'til you make it" is what they keep telling us. And, it usually worked out pretty well. We're all tired and punchy and saying things in posture clinic that make us laugh.
An Irishman in our group had "homework" from his last presentation to "have fun, be loud, and use a different accent" when he presented his next posture. So, he stood up to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, which are both pretty quiet postures, so you don't necessarily have to be "energetic" with your instruction. He started YELLING his instructions with an American Southern (redneck, if you don't mind) accent. He was yelling so loudly that his entire head turned red. He had us ALL in stitches laughing hysterically. He went through the entire dialogue, perfect, didn't miss a word. It was great. His "homework" was accomplished and we all had a good and much needed laugh.
My turn came and I did my best to sound "commanding" which was my homework. (I'm sure that Mark is laughing at this...as I know it's hard for him to imagine that I might not sound commanding enough.) So, I did my best and was told "nice job...that was more commanding." But...our posture clinic was being led by a teacher from Austin, Texas (yes, Karen comes back to haunt me again!) who was really fun and enjoyed making us do all sorts of fun stuff. So...before I could get away, she asked me to deliver my dialogue again, military style, like a drill sergeant, and YELL at the students, and get it out as fast as possible, no matter what comes out, keep going. Now, I did NOT have these two postures very well memorized, I must confess, and when I did deliver them the first time, I had to really think about what to say and I know I left out a few lines...so when under pressure to deliver loud and fast, military style...well...it's hard to try to recall what to say while in this situation.
I said something like this...
"Stand up straight! Get your feet together on the line! Now pick up your right foot and hold it in your left hand! Place that foot right up into your crotch and keep it there! Now put your hands together LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO CHURCH! NOW PUSH YOUR HIPS FORWARD TOWARD THE MIRROR! OPEN THOSE HIPS UP LIKE ELVIS PRESLEY!" (The real instruction is to push your hips forward toward the mirror to open up your pelvis...not "Elvis.")
At this point, I was just too silly to go on. Everyone had a good laugh and the teacher told me that I did a great job and I could stop. Now every time I hear the part in the dialogue about opening up your pelvis, I have to think "...like Elvis."
The teacher told me that if I'm teaching my first class and I get into a bind...forget what to say...to do something like that and it would save the day. Seems like that would be some unexpected fun in the yoga room.
She had several of the male trainees present dialogue in a female voice for their second turn. This also got a lot of laughs from everyone. We learned a lot, had some fun, and forgot for a while how tired we all are.
Other highlights this week....
Wednesday night marked the exact halfway point for us. We were treated to evening lecture with Diane and Teri. Diane talked to us about how the dialogue is a "prescription" to help heal people and how we are responsible for sticking to the prescription because it works. She told us that we will hear countless stories about how this yoga has helped to heal people in many ways and that it's a wonderful gift to be able to give...IF you give it the right way. Teri came up on stage and told her story of how Bikram yoga changed her life. Long story short, she arrived at her first Bikram class unable to move her neck due to a spinal injury for which her doctors told her there was no cure other than surgery and rods implanted in her cervical spine which would limit her range of motion for the rest of her life. Also, she was a heavy smoker. She arrived to Diane's class unable to move her neck. All Diane asked her was if she could move her eyes. Answer was yes....welcome to your first Bikram yoga class. Years later, no surgery, no rods in her spine, having quit smoking, she has a new life. She feels great and she did a lovely back bend for us on the stage. Amazing! It was most inspirational and we were all sad that she returned home next day. We will miss her. She's Teri Almquist from Bikram Yoga Merrimack Valley in Massachusetts...if you are ever in her neighborhood. A truly amazing woman. So compassionate. She reminded us to make no judgements, especially with new students, because we don't know what they are bringing in with them. Emotions, physical issues, addictions...whatever. Be compassionate. Great lesson.
This night was a highlight because it reminded us all of why we are here. A nice boost in the midst of a tough week and everyone having a hard time REMEMBERING why we are here. I am looking forward to more nights like that one in the coming weeks. The inspiration from a real life story really helps you to think that "all of this bullshit" is worth it in the end. How great to be able to help someone like Teri.
Another highlight...during one afternoon posture clinic, there was a visiting teacher who I felt like I knew from somewhere. Couldn't pinpoint it, but I just felt like I knew her. After my dialogue delivery and feedback from the lead teacher, she added a few comments that made me feel really good. I can't even remember what they were now, but I remember that what she said made me feel like she really "got me," even though she had just watched me deliver 45 seconds of dialogue and had never met me before. That was so SO nice to hear. I spoke to her afterwards and she lives in California, so we figured that we couldn't know each other. She did grow up on the east coast, so maybe that is why she was familiar.
Big highlight this week happened for me in the elevator. I ran into "Miss Pink," who was in teacher training with Karen and wrote a book called "Miss Pink and the Mighty Cobra" about her teacher training experience. Way back when I was talking with Karen about the decision to come to training, she gave me that book to read and I think I finished it in two days. I could relate to Miss Pink on SO many levels and her book was inspiring and funny and made me want to come to training. So, when she introduced herself to the class last week, I was thrilled to see her in person, but realized that my chances of running into her again were slim. She was not in my posture clinics, so I didn't think I'd get to meet her and thank her for writing her book. And then one day, there she was in the elevator. I had about 10 floors to spew out how wonderful I thought her book was, how inspirational she was, blah, blah, blah... Hope she wasn't too overwhelmed by my excitement!
Another highlight...or "lowlight," as it is. The heat in the yoga room was insane this week for the 5:00 class. IN. SANE. Diane taught Thursday class and it was literally so hot in there that by the time Triangle rolled around, she mentioned to the staff at the back of the room that they might open the doors if the thought it was a good idea (which, they didn't, of course). A few minutes later, she mentioned that anyone who was feeling bad might want to "go out of the room, take a little break." I was flat on my back, trying to just breathe and stay in the room, crying, of course, due to exhaustion and sadness because it was Diane teaching and I was missing her class, and I saw MANY people pass me by out of the corner of my eye...fleeing from the heat. I survived, having felt a little better about not making it through beyond Triangle pose, cuz if Diane was giving permission/admitting that the room was overheated, then I was not just "being lazy" by sitting out the second half of class, unable to lift a finger, let alone a limb.
Next day the heat was better, but so was the outside weather here in Las Vegas. It was hotter mid week. I have figured out that the outside weather has a HUGE effect on the temperature in the tent and I am now hoping it doesn't get too hot too soon. They tell us that the desert heats up pretty severely in the Summer. But that's usually late Summer, July/August time. I can only hope.
So, after a couple of days of ridiculously hot afternoon classes, we were all worn out and beyond caring about much. Thus the crazy Friday posture clinic behaviors.
Highlight...anatomy course is over. The final test was on Monday afternoon. I'm sure that I will receive an adequate grade so that I will not be needing to retake that one. Good to have that course out of the way and not have "extra" stuff to study.
Lowlight...Maggie was sick all week this week with some virus. It was a throw-up kind of virus. A fever kind of virus. She was okay during the day, then her fever would spike in the evenings, causing confusion for Mark as to whether she was getting better or not. She missed three days of school and was up in the night a few times, so no one was getting sleep at my house. We had to cut our Skype call short last Sunday because she had to leave the screen to go and throw up. Pitiful. She looked and sounded tired and so did Mark. I'm hoping that she's better this week and everything gets back to normal. I was wishing that I was home to take care of them both.
Highlight...they moved the CPR certification class from Saturday to Friday which was GREAT. Originally, CPR was going to take up our Saturday afternoon. When they changed that out, there was thunderous applause and pounding on the floor (this is what we do when we are really happy about something) from all of the teacher trainees because we now had a free day on Saturday to do errands, laundry, study, SLEEP. "First time EVER in Bikram yoga teacher training that CPR is not on the weekend..." We were reminded of this over and over again.
I took advantage of the sleep part and had two naps today. Now a night of sleep with no alarm to wake me in the morning is sounding glorious. Tomorrow is a day of study. I worked today with a friend and we were both too tired to study very effectively. We knew when it was time to give up. Tomorrow will be a better day.
I hope.
Long as there are no tightropes around.
But, I guess if they are there, I'll just do the best I can to balance and if I fall off, get back on.
After all, it's now becoming less about "me" and more about "them." The students, that is. They are the ones who I am here for. That is my "self-realization" for this week.
That, and the fact that "Elvis" rhymes nicely with "pelvis!"
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