Yes...and No...and Yes

Graduation, Final Thoughts...

Yes, there was an Elvis impersonator.

Yes, he did sing "Viva Las Vegas."

Yes, the last time I heard that song, Fannie was singing a rendition of it in the Stony Point yoga studio for my send-off class.

Yes, that was ten weeks ago!

Yes, there were showgirls...two of them to be precise...escorting Bikram into the ballroom for graduation as only he can enter a room.

Yes, there was a "mafia" type shiny silver suit with matching fedora. Anything else would've been a disappointment to us all.

Yes, there was a kind and sweet exchange with the "tough guy" who guided us through the past nine weeks of Hell.

Yes, there was a certificate with my name on it.

Yes, my dear husband and sweet girl arrived safely in Las Vegas to rescue me.

Yes, there was a lovely reception after graduation.

Yes, there were a few more tears as I said good-bye to my dear friends, those with whom I share a special bond unlike any other.

Yes, I will miss a certain staff member or two.

Yes, I will miss Bikram as well as his music and especially the "lonely" song which he sometimes sings after class is over if he sees someone looking particularly sad.

Yes, I am terrified of teaching my first class!

On the other hand...

No, I did not get sentimental as I left the hotel.

No, I do not ever think I'll feel the same way about the word "Hilton" again.

No, I will not miss Las Vegas.

No, I will not miss the noise of slot machines or hotel lobby 80's soundtrack music constantly playing over every speaker in the place.

No, I will not miss the smell of cigarette smoke seeping through the adjoining hotel room.

No, I will not miss scaly and dry skin (and nose and eyes).

No, I will not miss three showers per day.

No, I will not miss the lecture hall CHAIRS!! They are the true "torture chamber."

No, I will not miss taking a cab to the grocery store once a week for supplies.

No, I will not EVER drink Gatorade again in my life.

No, I will not miss worrying about drinking constantly to replace fluids and electrolytes, or eating constantly to ensure that energy is sufficient to survive the next yoga class.

No, I will not miss two yoga classes each day, every day.

No, I don't believe that the dialogue will just "come out of my mouth" when I teach my first class.

No, I don't think that I have ever in my entire life been more exhausted mentally as well as physically.

And, finally...

Yes, I can now say that "My name is Marcia. I am your yoga teacher."

Can You Believe It?

Final week is finished. My countdown clock is exploding with fireworks. I can't believe it's coming to an end. Can't believe I have completed this training process.

I'm sitting here in the hotel room, on a break from packing, and taking a few minutes to write before meeting some friends for lunch one last time and then going to graduation this afternoon. I can hardly believe that my suitcase is sitting on my bed and that I'll be seeing Mark and Maggie in a few hours, then will be able to make my own schedule. It's hard to believe. I'm walking around this week thinking many of the same thoughts that I thought during Week One.

Am I really here in Las Vegas?

Seriously...a Bikram yoga teacher...me?

What am I doing here?

How can I have possibly done this for nine weeks?

Did I just DO this?

I can NOT believe it!

I started the week feeling like it would be the longest week of my life. I didn't know how I was going to make it through eleven more classes. I did not think it was possible to be as tired and worn out as I was. And yet, it was the final week. The fact that every time was the "last time" we were doing whatever we were doing was just enough to get through the day. The staff kept telling us to stay present and enjoy the lectures and teachers we would be having during the week and so I did my best to do just that. I found myself just sitting and observing everyone before classes began, watching them walk to the sign-in desk, sit around and chat. The mood was definitely more relaxed than previous weeks. It was great to see everyone smiling just a bit more. I think we were all sort of in disbelief...and euphoric, if I might add.

Bikram surprised us all this week with his flashy outfits for afternoon lecture. He arrived to the lecture tent on Monday afternoon dressed in his usual track suit top and bottoms, sunglasses, and baseball hat, but when he got up on the stage and removed his jacket, he revealed a light blue sequined T-shirt which, of course, got the exact response that he anticipated from all of us...lots of hooting and hollering and woo-hooing. When he took off his pants to reveal matching shorts....the crowd went wild. He told us he had to dress for "special posture clinic" today, so he needed to have on clothing in which he could move freely. The remainder of the week showed more of the same great sparkly outfits, different colors every day. One day there were flames on his shorts. It was something to look forward to each day.

Bikram gave some fascinating lectures this week and thankfully we were also able to get to bed at a reasonable hour most nights, so staying present to absorb the information in lecture was possible.

Throughout the week, he took us through each posture, having demonstrators go up on stage to show us the key points for each and what to look for with our students in the classroom. Still, he emphasized that a lot of the learning will come from teaching and gaining experience, as well as from relying on the experienced teachers at our studios back home. There was a definite change in his manner, at least I thought so. Oh sure, he was cracking the usual jokes, telling the same stories, and enjoying the attention from his 350 "children," but he seemed a bit more, I don't know how to describe it...gentle, kind, loving...more fatherly toward us all. We saw the kinder gentler side of Bikram this week. I think it's more of his true self, the stuff that is behind all of the showmanship and funny jokes and stories. I think that he gave a little more of himself to us because it was Week Nine and we were as good as "teachers" now. It was a nice to really "see" him.

During the end of last week and throughout this final week, a few of my friends were so tired and feeling sad. They just weren't themselves any longer and I felt sad for them. Some were so angry about having sustain one more week of "the process," some were anxious about what situation they were going to be returning home to. I felt like they just weren't themselves any longer and it made me sad. But, in the final days, I slowly saw a return of who they truly were. This is such a tough thing on so many levels. And even when it's over, it's not over. A new chapter is opening up and some people don't know what that holds for them. Again, I feel so fortunate to know what I am returning to. How lucky am I? I can't believe it.

A few highlights this week...

Craig Villani appeared this week (some of us were calling him "The Closer") and we were able to listen to a few of his lectures as well as take his class twice this week. He is a dynamic speaker and leads a powerful yoga class. I've been hearing about Craig for quite some time now from teachers who went to training when he was the teacher training director, so it was great to see him and hear the "Craigisms" that people always talk about. Craig is the inventor of the "yoga truck" concept. That's the truck that hits you...then just when you think you are gonna get up and recover, you hear the "beep, beep, beep...' as it backs up and runs you over again. Yoga truck definitely found me during Week Seven. No question.

We had a teacher this week named Juan who is a tiny guy who has more energy and more muscles than you would think possible. His class was motivating and inspirational as well as very very funny.

We saw a demonstration of the advanced class this week. Emmy taught and all of the senior teachers and many staff members participated. We were able to see some amazing yogis doing some amazing postures. Bikram took class and it was great to see him in class instead of just up on the podium teaching. He and Emmy have a great time getting on each other's nerves. I think Emmy is about the only person who will "talk back" to Bikram. He told us that he was so sore the next day after that class, that even his hair hurt.

Bikram talked again about food during lecture this week and about how our society has a problem with overweight people who can't stop eating. He was actually quite funny talking about what he observes while people-watching when he's out, (we've all seen it and we've all thought what only Bikram will dare say out loud in front of a crowd) but through all of his humor, he does have a point. If our society doesn't start taking better care of themselves, our country is going to have a problem that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Emmy and Rajashree returned this week and both of them taught in our final days of class. We had the opportunity to ask questions of them as well as to hear some of our fellow trainees share their stories of how they found Bikram yoga and how it, literally, saved some of their lives. I don't think there was a dry eye in the lecture hall yesterday afternoon. Last night's talent show also led me to shed a few tears. So many people here with amazing talent to share. I was moved to tears on more than one occasion just by listening to the performances.

Several friends gathered around each other during class this week, knowing that we would not have the chance to practice near each other again for a long time, if ever. We paid no attention to the line assignments during the final days and just set our mats up close to each other, happy for a friend nearby to lend some support and energy. We even took the liberty of having a laugh and making a joke on occasion, breaking the rule of stillness and silence that is sustained during a 90 minute Bikram yoga class. During our final class, I was lucky enough to be sandwiched in-between two Australian beauties who I have grown so fond of over the 9 weeks. Such great energy between the two of them. During Full Locust Pose, where you spread your arms out like airplane wings and lift up like an airplane, you always touch your neighbor here in training because we are so close to each other, so I took the liberty of messing with them as only a fellow yogi can do by pushing down on their arms as they were trying to lift up. This got a big chuckle out of everyone. But, not as huge as when, during Floor Bow (where you are on your stomach, holding your feet behind you, lifting up from the floor "like a wheel," if you can imagine that), Australian Beauty Number One took her pointer finger and just sort of tapped me, causing me to fall over sideways in a fit of laughter. This was such a surprise for me that I could not resist doing the same to Australian Beauty Number Two on my other side during the second set, causing more laughter, like a row of dominoes tipping over one by one. I know it's just yoga humor, but we have to find something to laugh at after nine weeks of torture!

Final Class...has to be the most energized class of my life. Thank goodness for the had-to-be-at least 500 people in the tent cuz it really produced a lot of energy and I was really needing it then. I swear my body "knew" it was Week Nine and it was just barely able to hold on and make it through the final days of class. Without energy from the folks in the room, it would've been so hard. I don't know what it will be like to only have 25-30 people in a small room back at home. Or what it will be like to have a silent final savasana...no Bikram music tracks playing. No floor bouncing up and down as those who are leaving the tent walk by you, a small stampede in your ear. How lovely to have some quiet time at the end of class again. (Although, secretly...or not so much really since I'm writing this for all to read...I will miss the Bikram music tracks.)

I met a wonderful couple in the elevator one evening as I was heading down to the lecture hall. They were Jim and Alice, locals who come in a couple of times a week to have a meal at the buffet. (Apparently, the locals get a great discount.) They don't come for the gambling...just for the food. And, I guess after enough time spent at the Hilton, they recognize a yoga teacher trainee when they see one. They've talked with some of us over the course of the 9 weeks. They struck up a conversation with me and proceeded to tell me how proud they were of my accomplishment and that they know how it must be so difficult to leave your home life, spend lots of money, and be working so hard for nine weeks. The shook hands with me and wished me the very best. Complete strangers who really made me feel like they cared about me. How great was that?

A few lowlights from the week...

Unfortunately the "chakra lady" (who really does have a name, but it's not at my fingertips right now) was not able to come to speak at training this year. Bikram told us that she was meditating...no one can communicate with her until she is finished. And I guess she only finishes when she decides to finish. No one knows when that will be. No one knows where she is. My friend Molly told me that she would like to try that on her kids. "Mommy is going into meditation now and cannot be reached until she decides to come out." Wouldn't we all like to do that at some point in our lives?

I don't think I have ever been so swollen in my life. By evening lecture each night of the week, I would look down at my feet and I could actually see and feel that even they were bloated. I can't wait for all of this water to let go. I could barely bend my toes in the evenings. My friend Sarah calls this a "yoga baby" and says that it will go away soon, and we won't have the late-night feedings and diaper changes to deal with.

And...again with the crying! Seriously? How much MORE can I cry during this 9 weeks?? Happy tears, sad tears, tired tears, my knees hurt tears, that was the most beautiful thing I've seen/heard/experienced tears. Every kind of tears. No wonder I am so tired!

Every time I look in the mirror and see my reflection, I think to myself, "Oh, God! You look terrible!" The need for a haircut, the dark circles under my eyes, the acne on my face, the strange red dots on my skin (we think it's the bleach in the towels), the general "bloated" look, the tiredness that is "inside" the eyes, the dry scaly skin...where is my yoga glow? Why don't my clothes fit anymore? We were all laughing about our friends and family back home who are all expecting us to return from 9 weeks of so much yoga in the best shape of our lives. Quite the contrary, I'm sorry to say. If you are one of the people who will actually SEE me when I return, please refrain from commenting or gasping with shock. We both will know that I'm "puffy" and if it's true, what "they" say, the puffy stuff will go away in a month or so. Then you can tell me that I'm looking good. Even if I'm still not looking good, go ahead and feel free to say it anyway.

I've been walking around all week saying things like, "You know...I have never felt better in my entire life?" "I have never looked better." "I have never been happier." "I have never had better muscle tone." "I have never had a more perfectly functioning digestive system." "I literally can't believe how GREAT I look and feel." This always gets a good laugh out of whoever is within earshot. Cuz most of the folks I know (myself included) are feeling pretty "broken," for lack of a better word, at the moment.

Well, highlights and lowlights recorded. Final week finished. Now there is just graduation to look forward to. And reuniting with my most wonderful husband and precious little girl. I really, seriously, can hardly believe it.

"When I hear someone say 'don't,' my little inner child raises his little middle finger." Craig Villani

"Thirty seconds in this posture is the same as thirty YEARS of sleep." Craig during Half Tortoise posture, at the point where you are relaxing into the posture, which is very restorative and many Bikram teachers take a moment to quote Bikram's words here. He has said time and again that thirty seconds in this posture is like your body having 8 hours of sleep. When you are actually IN the posture, coming toward the end of class, and you are tired, your inner voice will usually say things like, "yeah...right" and "I'd rather have the 8 hours, thank you very much" and "where is the research on THAT?"

"That's what you pay for." Bikram

"Can you believe it?" Bikram

Energy Follow Up

Okay...so amazing story here.

Get ready.

You ready?

At least I find it amazing.

You may find it coincidence.

Or bullshit.

But I'm going to write about it anyway.

Last week I posted the whole "energy" thing. How I didn't have any, how the yoga room was so hot that it literally sucked the life out of me, how I cried all week due to exhaustion from having no energy. All of it. Right? (It's okay to go back and review if you need to. Much as I would like to believe that anyone out there who is reading my blog is committing every word to memory, I realize this may not be true.)

So, I got an email the other day from one of the super amazing practitioners at the Richmond Studio...and she said that she took a communications class last week and her homework was to, basically, give someone some energy! How about THAT? So...it's gonna get better.

Her message said that she was attempting to push some energy my way during her standing head to knee posture in class that day. She said that she thought a strong, steady energy was just what I might be needing about now. How thoughtful, huh? And so true.

And let me add that I don't even know Kelly that well. Our paths haven't crossed that often at the studio. I just know of her and her amazing yoga practice. She is a bit of a legend in my mind. One of those people who you can't help but watch during class because her postures are so beautiful.

So, this was on Wednesday during her morning class in Richmond. Early, 6 AM class. That would have been 3 AM Vegas time. That was when she was sending me some "energetic thoughts."

So, here in Las Vegas, I was taking class for the second time that same day, the 5PM class. (8PM Richmond time) And, for the first time during the entire training, as I was attempting my standing head to knee posture, I was really thinking about it. I was thinking things like, "Why can I still not kick out very well after 8 weeks of practicing?" And, "Why is my standing knee still wobbling?" And, "When will this posture EVER improve for me?" And, "I wonder what kind of mental block I have that is causing me to not be able to complete the next step of this posture??" And, "I'm supposed to be setting an example as a teacher when I return...how can a teacher still have a sucky Standing Head To Knee Posture???" On and on, thoughts going through my head about Standing Head To Knee. (For you non yogis, this posture is one in which you take turns standing on one leg, balancing there, and you pick up the other leg with your hands together, fingers interlocked like a stirrup...and you straighten the leg you are holding in front of you, then you balance there for a minute before you sort of roll forward, tucking your chin in to your stomach and you touch your forehead on the extended knee. VERY difficult posture, requiring lots of strength flexibility and mental determination.)

So, I'm sort of obsessively thinking about the posture while performing the posture, hoping that it will get better for me. Some day. Eventually. In the future.

I woke up next day and received the email message. Oh...how thankful was I for the energy and I emailed back to Kelly that "funny enough, during my class yesterday, I was really thinking very deeply about that particular posture." Then I sent a second message, just out of curiosity, to see if the time that Kelly was sending the energy matched up with the time I was actually in my class and concentrating on it.

No...Kelly sent her energy at 6 in the morning from Richmond, 3 in the morning Las Vegas.

But, the really cool part of the story is that when Kelly was typing and sending me her email, the time in Richmond was about 8:30 PM.

Got that?

8:30 PM in Richmond is 5:30 PM in Las Vegas!

5:30 PM is about the time I was working on Standing Head To Knee posture in my class!!!

I couldn't make up a story like this if I tried, honestly!

Makes me believe a little bit more in the power of positive energy! You should, too!

Or that it is just coincidence.

Or bullshit.

The great thing is that you can believe what you want.

Will I Really Miss It?

So, from the very beginning of teacher training, the staff ("staffs" as Manali says) have been telling us how we're going to miss this experience. They tell us over and over again how we'll be missing it...just wait and see. And our response is always and eye roll, a guffaw, something similar. So, my conclusion heading into Week Nine is this...

I will miss it equal and simultaneous, 50/50. In other words, some things, yes, I admit it, I will miss. But some things...not so much.

Went to dinner last night with a few friends. A sort of "last hurrah" since it's our final Saturday night to be totally "free" and yet still "captive." Still haven't gone "off campus" yet. It seems like way too much effort right now and when Mark and Maggie are here next week I know that I'll actually get to experience a different side of Las Vegas. So, while others are heading out on the town in taxis and exploring new places, I am content to "stay at home" and not wander far from the confines of the hotel. I have always enjoyed the comforts of home. Not that this is "home" by any means, but it has been a temporary home for what seems like a long time now.

This temporary home is one thing that I will definitely NOT miss.

At dinner, we decided that we have been here for a long, long time. Nine weeks may not be a 'long, long time," but it sure FEELS that way when we talk about "remember in our second week when..." Gosh...seems like SUCH a long time ago! My friend Lisa said it so well...9 weeks here is like 9 years, really. Everything is so concentrated and accelerated, so we figure we've known each other for a really long time. It's like "dog years." Same principle. And I will truly miss the people that I have come to spend so much time with over the past weeks. That is one thing I will definitely miss.

On Thursday night in posture clinic, we delivered our last posture, Spine Twist. When I was finished, I really did have a moment of nostalgia. Little throat lump. I will miss the support of my group. I will miss watching each of them deliver their dialogue in the way that only they can, showing their true personalities. I would love to take class from any of them, and I know that each class would be different. Will I miss sitting on the floor for hours at a time? Uh...no. But I will miss the smiling happy faces of Group Ten, for sure.

Another reflection from the dinner conversation...will we actually sit on the couch in our homes when we get back...or will we just automatically sit on the floor? Seems like breaking some rule to sit on furniture that is comfortable. Will we look for a sign-in sheet every time we enter our house? Will we bring a bag of ICE to yoga class and sprinkle the cubes around our towel in some crazy sort of ceremonial "blessing of the towel/mat...I know this will help me survive the next 90 minutes ritual" prior to class? Will we eat meals sitting on our bed? Will we ever feel the same way about staying at a hotel? What will it be like to spread our arms out to the side like airplane wings and NOT touch another person? What will it be like to walk into the yoga room and not be obsessed with finding the right spot, because every spot is a good spot? I will not miss the giant yoga "tent" room with the moving ceiling and the moving sheets of mylar "mirrors." (Yes, Honey...I know that word is supposed to have a little trademark symbol or whatever, but I don't think I have that on my computer...is this acknowledgment enough?)

And what about the strange sort of "Pavlovian responses" that we all have now? Like...when you hear a word in random conversation and in your brain, you automatically attach a line of dialogue to it.

Example...someone says "eventually" in a conversation. Bikram yoga teacher's brain says "...in the future." Automatic. No choice.

Example...someone says "solid" and Bikram yoga teacher's brain follows up with "...one piece, lamppost, unbroken." Automatic. No choice.

Example...someone says "hands" and BY teacher's brain attaches "palms" to it. Again. Automatic. No choice.

I could go on and on here.

As Misha, senior teacher here and one of our posture clinic leaders said this week...it's all part of the brainwashing. She said this with a smile, of course. (She has a great dry sense of humor and at the same time she is great with feedback during posture clinic. Plus...she gives you a piece of candy after you have given your dialogue!) Not that it's bad brainwashing...just brainwashing. It's amazing how much you remember without even thinking about it. I am actually glad for the "brainwashing" because I am hoping that this will serve me well when I start to teach. Teachers say there is a point where you can say the dialogue without having to think so much because it is just "in your brain" and that is when you really can focus on other things. I will look forward to that time. I will not "miss" feeling like I can't recall the next word of dialogue.

Now that studying dialogue for posture clinic is over, there is a strange feeling of "what am I doing with my time?" going on inside my head. It seems like I have so much extra time because I am not cramming dialogue into my brain during every spare moment! I used my extra time yesterday to soak in a bath of Epsom salts, start reviewing dialogue postures from weeks ago, open the magazine that I bought during Week One and actually flip through it, and nap. A most restful day, truly needed. Today I will color my hair, type my blog post for the week, Skype with my family, and review dialogue. I almost feel like I should be out having "fun," but I don't know when I'll have such concentrated quiet study time again, so as nerdy as it seems, I'm going to use the day to study. Fun will happen next week when Mark and Maggie arrive.

So...Week Eight. I would say "I'll be brief," but it seems that I am never brief with these posts.

You can always break it up. Go and get some coffee or something and come back later to finish reading. I can't help myself. I don't want to leave anything out.

I was dreading Week Eight. End of Week Seven, my throat was sore and I could feel that I might be coming down with something. I'm sure this had NOTHING to do with being next to Elephant Guy during Week Six and receiving his "gift" of airborne germs. Nonetheless... by last Sunday I was definitely sick, swollen glands in my neck, couldn't breathe through my nose due to congestion, feeling awful. Woke up on Monday morning feeling pretty bad. So, after "crybaby week" the previous week, I was fully anticipating that Week Eight was going to be even worse due to my being sick on top of everything else. Something like "sick crybaby week."

Just goes to show you...never anticipate. Just like in yoga class. You never know what you're gonna get. You think you're gonna have the worst class of your life and it turns out to the the best. Or you think you're gonna be amazing today and then you fall flat on your rear end. It's a big general theme here...not anticipating things, not expecting that things will turn out a certain way. "They" force this philosophy upon you by not telling you too many things in advance, so there is no forward thinking, no planning, and you get used to it. Still, for someone like myself who is a big planner-aheader...it's hard not to have expectations.

Planner-aheader. Another new word. Love it when that happens. I just might miss the time that I have here to reflect on things. And my blogging time. I'll miss that.

I am pleasantly surprised now to look back on Week Eight and say that it was an okay week. Yes, I was sick and I felt pretty miserable for about half of the time, but I made it through. The yoga room was not so ridiculously hot as last week and it was actually possible to complete the classes, (and not just to "survive" the classes) so it turned out okay. I didn't take any cold medicine because of having to be in the hot room twice a day...not a good idea to take medicine that might make you "loopy," for lack of a better term. I slept sort of sitting up at night. And I survived. There was a lot of nose blowing in class (I did bring my own tissues and kept them to myself, in my own space, I might add...Elephant Guy...I'm just sayin') and I did not lower my head for a couple of days due to the pressure of feeling like it might explode...but I survived. The only thing that remains is a little congestion. I was told to "have more energy" during dialogue delivery early in the week...I guess when you feel feverish and sick, you won't have energy for posture clinic, so...whatever. My posture clinic response was "thank you very much" with a smiling happy face. I don't think I'll "miss" posture clinic.

So, with the thought of all of the stuff I might "miss" from teacher training when I get home, I now start to think about "reentry" and what that will be like. I'm thinking about all of the stuff from my "former life" that I have missed since being here. It's a bit of an overwhelming thought, I must admit. And I know that thinking about the future is not what I am supposed to be doing right now. I'm supposed to be "staying present" and not "check out" during this final week which is supposed to be the most fabulous information-filled week of all. But, being a Planner-Aheader, I can't help but think to next month when I return home to real life. I'm looking forward to so many things. I know you don't want me to start on that new topic now, as this blog post is already lengthy enough. I'll save it for another time.

I spoke with Garland yesterday and we talked about putting me on the teaching schedule. Uh...okay. Wait a minute. Now I have to teach??? Wow...I mean I know that is why I came here in the first place and all, but am I really ready to TEACH??? To be responsible for actual students in a real studio and not just my fellow trainees in posture clinic??? How am I going to do that? Will I remember what I am supposed to remember? Lynn Witlow told us this week that "Each and every one of you in this room could teach a class right now if you had to. I know you might not believe me, but it's true. Might not be exactly 90 minutes, every word perfect...but you could do it. You know this yoga so much better than you think you do." So, I have to believe her. Just like I had to believe my Richmond teachers when they said that I could make it through training.

So, reentry.

Who is going to understand me? Who will be able to relate to "the process?" Who will I talk to about it all? All of my fellow trainees are about to spread out to all parts of the world. They won't be around to talk with (okay....to complain about stuff with). I am in such a yoga bubble here...I know it will take some adjusting to be on the outside again. To drive a car. To make my own schedule. To have "freedom." To be an adult, make my own decisions. Wow!

I wonder if this is what prisoners feel like when their time is up and they walk out the gate.

Or maybe that is not such a nice way to put it.

Maybe it's what it feels like when you come out of a rehab facility.

Or maybe that is not such a nice way to put it either.

Maybe it's what it feels like to be released from a mental institution, declared "fit' for public interaction.

Or maybe that is not such a nice way to put it either.

However you put it, I know it will take some adjusting. But from what I understand (and, again...have to believe), I am in for the most rewarding job on the face of the planet. THAT is something to look forward to during my reentry.

And whether or not I'll be missing teacher training days...that question remains to be answered.

Eventually.

In the Future.

First, I have to survive Week Nine.

"Sit down Japanese style...unless you are Japanese...and then just sit down." Marlin from Headquarters who taught our class one morning this week. Hilarious!

"I HATE lazy people!" Bikram

"That's what you pay for." Bikram's comment on numerous occasions during the past 8 weeks, usually after something happens that we don't particularly like. Example...holding Triangle Pose for what seems like an eternity.

"How you guys are doing?" Manali's greeting to us every day before morning class.

"What is wrong? A spider? Don't worry. The spider is part of the process." Manali said this to someone in the front row of the yoga room just prior to the start of class one day when they were freaking out because a spider was crawling near their mat.

"Uh...flower petals don't bloom...has anyone noticed this? I mean...it's a flower PETAL. The entire flower is blooming, not JUST the petal!" My friend Molly talking about funny wording in the dialogue.

"You can NEVER duplicate this noise...even if you tried...you could not make a noise as annoying as this." Marcia said to Molly as we walked through the casino after last night's dinner.

"Wait! Ahhhhh...you guys smell that? Let's all stop here in the middle of the casino, enjoy that cigarette smokey smell, let's do some Pranayama breathing and FILL our lungs with that healthful smell..." Marcia said to the group as we came out of the restaurant and walked through the casino.

"Please don't let those girls be up there next weekend when my 8-year old is here." Marcia says to the group as we observe the table dancers entertaining folks gathered around the poker table in the same casino.

In The End...It Is About Energy

I don't even know where to begin this post. I hardly have the energy to use my fingers on the keyboard. I don't think I have ever felt so tired mentally and physically ever, like EVER, in my life. Maybe after giving birth...but that is all sort of a foggy memory, so I really can't compare. Plus, I think there were drugs involved in the birthing process in order to further block out what was happening. So, no drugs here. It's all crystal clear. I have NO ENERGY.

I am going to do my best to end each paragraph in this post with some form of the word "energy." I don't know why, but I thought this would be fun to try. Let's see how I do it. See if I have the energy...

This week was by far the toughest week. By leaps and bounds. At the end of week six, I was actually energized and feeling great, ready to memorize the last postures, power through "only three more weeks," and get done with teacher training. I was feeling like this was totally doable. I had oodles of energy!

End of week seven. Completely different point of view. Completely different energy.

The week started off looking promising. Only one class on Monday due to the holiday and the remainder of the day off. We were all able to rest up, get some extra studying in, and prepare for the week ahead. Stock up on energy.

Or so we thought.

Not so fast.

Temperatures here in Las Vegas this week took a steady climb from the lower 90s into the 100s. Oh, sure, there is "no humidity here." Like that is supposed to make a hundred and two degrees feel okay? Think again. A hundred and two degrees feels like a HUNDRED AND TWO degrees. And when it's still in the 90s as you walk down to the lecture hall for evening lecture, well, it's H-O-T outside. And, of course, hot outside means HOT inside the tent as well. People are dragging themselves around, in a constant state of tiredness due to the high heat and how difficult it is making two yoga classes a day. The heat seems to be depleting everyone of energy.

I really don't remember things from one day to the next because I am so tired. It's okay, because neither do my friends here, so I know it's not just my mind starting to fail. I know that it's everyone's minds! It's hard for the brain to work properly when you are running low on energy.

I am now dreaming about a time, eventually in the future, when I will be rested and actually feel energized.

So, following Monday's "holiday," the rest of the week went on as usual. Two classes each day and posture clinics. We are through Camel Pose right now, so the end is really so close that it's exciting. Classes were extremely hot and people were having to leave class. I went out of the tent on some day that I can't remember during the 5PM class. It was just too much for me. I have been crying in class all week, due to sheer exhaustion. It is said that crying is good because you are "letting go" of whatever you need to let go of.

Whatever. I don't know what I'm letting "go" of, but if it is energy, then I sure wish I could get it back!

All I know is that I am tired, I don't want to be doing this anymore, and I can't wait to get back to my real life, surrounded by the people I love. And to feel like "Marcia" again, to feel energized.

Maggie had her dance recital this weekend and it makes me extra sad that I wasn't there to see her. She sounded tired on the phone when I spoke with her on Saturday afternoon. She actually admitted that she was feeling "good, but tired" that day. I think when a kid will actually admit to being tired...well, then you KNOW that she really is probably beyond tired. She is also low on energy.

And Mark. Mark is hanging in there and working so hard to take care of everything, but I can hear it in his voice that he, too is ready for all of this to be over and for life to get back to normal. He also is in need of some energy.

We had several visiting teachers this week teach interesting classes. Some were great with very high energy. Others were not so great with not so high energy. For the first time in the yoga tent during one class this past week, I could actually "feel" that there was no energy coming from the teacher to the class OR from the class to the teacher. No one's fault...neither side was giving to the other. During all of our posture clinics over the past few weeks, the teachers keep stressing that we put our "energy" into it, and now I understand exactly why! It is so crucial for the students to receive energy from the teacher in order to know that they can make it through class (refer back to "mind over the matter" post). And, at the same time, the teacher gets energized from the students in order to make it through the class. That being said, posture clinic is such an artificial environment. It's like a dress rehearsal. I think the real energy will come when we start teaching and are able to create the energy and feel it coming from the students. Isn't there some scientific theory that says something about energy producing more energy?

Speaking of which...we had a lecture this week from Dr. Mani Bhaumik, author of "Code Name God." His lecture was about energy and fields of energy. It was brief, and we were wishing for more time with him, but it was an interesting afternoon. He tried to explain to us that the body/mind connection is so important in order for us to harness energy. In yoga class, for example, the more you can train your mind to tell your body what to do and when to do it, it's like tuning into a radio station. If you can find your "frequency," you will gain energy.

I sure could use an updated tuner. I sure could use some of that energy.

In order to be energized, a person has to eat, right? Well, finally it has been difficult to eat this week. Every day at the buffet, faced with the same food choices and having to eat as much protein as possible in order for muscles to recover and to have enough energy to survive the next class or the next day has become much of a challenge. I just don't feel hungry at all, and yet if I don't eat, I know I won't have what I need for yoga class...energy!

On this note, Bikram lectured this week on the topic of food. This is a very interesting topic to listen to him discuss. His mantra is "the best food is no food!" He talked about what happens to the food we eat, how it is distributed, how much we actually need and use and what is waste. Apparently, the "waste" accumulates in the stomach, where the skin is the thinnest and this is why we have big bellies (some of us...I know you don't if you are reading this!). What I know is that I seem to have accumulated a lot of "waste" over the past seven weeks. Two more weeks to go. At this rate, I won't fit into my graduation outfit! Bikram also told us that doing Camel Pose helps to increase the digestive enzymes in your stomach so that they can digest more food more efficiently. I think I need to add more Camels to my daily routine or no one will recognize me by the time I return to life. Bottom line, in his opinion, is that the more muscle you build, you can eat just about anything, just don't eat too much of it, and your body will use it efficiently, get rid of what it doesn't need, and there won't be any "leftovers" to accumulate around your stomach...or hips, thighs, or butt! Bikram likes to refer to this as "cottage cheese." He doesn't like to see "cottage cheese hanging," and will shout about this during class in order that we tighten our hip muscles properly. Funny.

He has gotten tough in class this week. He starts out with a lot of yelling and scolding various people if they are not trying sufficiently. He does not let anyone sit down anymore. Says if we are not dying, we can do the class and always adds that "You will not be so lucky to die in my class!" And after a while he complains to us that we are making his throat hurt because he has to yell so much. He gets quieter at the end of the class. Then after final savasana, always there is a song played over the speakers during this time...a tune from either of his two albums...he walks out and always gives us a compliment as he leaves. Always tells us something that we did in that class that day that was better than we did the day before. And even when you are feeling like you can't possibly get up and walk out of the class at this point because you are physically and emotionally exhausted, when the teacher says something positive to you, you get a tiny bit of energy and you are able to pick yourself up. Amazing what you can do with just a tiny bit of energy!

So, again, I have come up with an assignment for you. This week's assignment has to do with, of course...energy! Try it and see what happens. I don't know if it will work over the phone, but I am almost certain that it will work if you are face to face with someone. Or a group. Look for a situation that you might be in this week...at the checkout line somewhere with a cranky checkout person, in front of a classroom of cranky or ill-behaved students, going about your morning wake-up routine with you quiet or cranky family, no one speaking to each other. You get the idea. Look for a situation like that and try to do something or say something or exude something with positive energy. A smile, a nice compliment, asking a question to let the other person(s) know you are interested in them or care about them...and see what happens. I predict that you will be able to FEEL the energy rise. And the great thing about doing this is that not only will you be giving a great gift to someone else, but you will receive it back in an even greater quantity. It will carry you through the rest of your day. It is simply...energy.

Wish Yourself Good Luck

Monday morning one class only. We had the rest of the day off. I thought a bonus post was in order. Hard to believe I have even MORE to say after yesterday's rambling post that seemed to never end, isn't it? I will be brief. I have to go to study group anyway, so I can't take too much time for now.

This morning, Esak Garcia was our teacher and someone was cranky. It was either us or him. Not sure which one, if not both, but the energy in the room was definitely lacking. Plus, it was Monday MORNING. Everyone is creaky and stiff. Week seven. Class number 59 in 6 weeks!! That is a lot of yoga. Maybe we were all cranky.

So I looked at the weather report for the coming week here and it brought a story to mind. One that (believe it or not) I haven't shared yet.

Our training leader, Manali, who is most stern and always having to try to control 350 of us with only her voice and demeanor, told us last week (or more?) about the "smiling and laughing club" in India. She told us this story because when she stands up front before class or lecture to make announcements, and she greets us with a pleasant "Good Morning Everybody," we sometimes are a little lacking in our enthusiasm to wish her a "Good Morning!" back. Then she will ask us "why we are so sad" today or "why we have such a strict look on our face" today. So...on one of these days, she proceeded to explain to us about the "smiling and laughing club" in India. She said that people pay to belong to this club, attend it in the early morning, and always practice smiling by making the sound of "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" which automatically turns your mouth into a smile, teeth showing.

So, Manali told us that we should look at ourselves in the mirror each morning before we leave our rooms and do the "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in order to start the day out right. She says it's not hard to smile then for the rest of the day.

Of course, we all now do the "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" to her at every opportunity. Someone in the room will start it, nice and quiet, and then the sound gets louder as we all join in around the room. Even though she tries to scold us and tells us to stop it, we continue to smile at her and make the sound. Usually it makes her laugh or smile. And she is always trying so hard to be strict and stern, so it's nice to see her smile.

"Wish yourself good luck," is what Manali is always telling us.

So, since the temperatures in Vegas are going up into the 90's this week, and by Saturday it is supposed to be 102, the outlook is HOT, HOTTER, and even MORE HOT for the yoga tent. Better start hydrating! It seems an appropriate story with an appropriate quote from Manali.

Wish yourself good luck indeed!

Groundhogs, Rats, Elephants, Gerbils & Puppies...Oh My!

Groundhog day. The teachers who have gone through this training are NOT kidding when they say it's like the movie "Groundhog Day." Funny movie when you're watching it from the comfort of your sofa at home, snuggled up and comfy. Not as funny when you are living it. Groundhogs. Animal number one this week. (I am trying to fit an animal theme into this blog entry...but not sure how successful I'm going to be!) I literally can't believe it when the alarm goes off and it's time to get up and go to yoga class AGAIN. Same alarm. Same get up and shower, eat same breakfast, prepare water bottles in the same fashion. Wear same clothes, walk down same way to yoga tent. Place mat in same area, near the edge of the mass of humanity. Take same class, same 90 minutes, same faces. Go to same buffet afterwards. Eat same food. Same, same, same. At least by noon, each day is a little different.

And yet, there is some comfort in the sameness of it all.

So, the pattern that I seem to see developing here is this...odd numbered weeks bad, even numbered weeks good. At least it would seem that the even numbered weeks have not contained anything that is "extreme" in the way of emotions or physical issues.

Just to review...week one was completely shocking, sights, sounds, crying during class most mornings, everything. Week two was not as much of a shock. Week three was the "intestinal issues" week. Week four didn't seem to be a big problem. Week five contained some anger. Week six...well...even numbered week.

So then, you can guess that week six was a "good" week for me. In the sense that "good" is as "good" as it can be when you are in yoga boot camp, concentration camp, prison, torture chamber, seclusion, compound, or whatever various names one assigns to this Bikram yoga teacher training. And believe me, there have been a LOT of names used this week.

I am sitting and gazing out the window at my view. The view for the past six weeks. Not a lot of green stuff outside my window. I currently reside in the East Tower of the Hilton and the lovely view is mostly of rooftops, the airport in the distance, hotels, and the mountains in the background. I am so sick of this view. If I press my face up against the glass (not highly recommended for obvious reasons) and crane my neck to the side, I can see some of the golf course near the hotel. There seems to be some green stuff over there. Grass, I think it is called. And trees. Tall green things. With fluffy green stuff on top. One of the visiting teachers here this week told us all that when we go back to our lives in the "real world," we will see everything differently. Even colors will be brighter. Duh. No shit. Right now, and for the past six weeks, I haven't seen much color at all. Not even outside my window. ANY color will be brighter than "gray."

Except for a tiny bit of green. There is a bit of green here and there. Green is okay as long as it is in nature. And not in your home. Or on your clothing. Or on your floors. Or on your jewelry. Or your dishes. Or on your dog's collar. Or anywhere near you. Some Indian superstition. No green here at Bikram yoga teacher training.

I miss green.

So, there was some comfort this week for me because, being a creature of habit and the organizational "freak" that some might label me, I felt good in knowing that I now have a routine. Finally. After six weeks, I feel like I have a routine. I know what to expect. Great comfort for me in that. Leaving my room on Monday morning to start another week, I felt good in that at least I knew what was coming. As far as the schedule. Of course, the staff never let you know anything too far ahead of time because they want you to practice "living in the moment" and to not anticipate things to come.

One of the things I've figured out is how, when, and what to eat in order to survive my day here. This took a few weeks to figure out. What I do is after the morning class is over, I head to the buffet with a friend or two and we have breakfast. This is usually around 10:30 in the morning. We seek out fruit and protein (oh, and all right...donut holes as well). One day when the watermelon chunks had been replaced by pineapple chunks, I thought we were going to have some sort of revolution. Creatures of habit, day after day after day...want their watermelon. When you're in a yoga posture in class and you dream about eating watermelon...and then they have the nerve to omit it from the buffet that day, well, that is just downright cruel.

And then...here's the good part. You start to wonder if Bikram and/or the Bikram staffers actually asked them to leave the watermelon off of the buffet line just as another method of torture. Now THAT is crazy.

Maybe they were just OUT of watermelon. Gosh...I can't wait to start thinking like a NORMAL person again!

This week seems to have had an animal theme of sorts. I saw a rat one morning as I was walking to the yoga tent. Let me explain...there are two routes one can take to get to the yoga tent or "compound" as some call it. This is an area that has been set up on one of the hotel parking lots, so you have to exit the hotel and walk a little ways to arrive at the yoga room and lecture room. The area is partitioned off by a chain link fence. In effect, once you are inside the fence, you can't get out again without signing OUT so that the staffers know you are gone. This is because there are some naughty trainees that apparently try to sign in, then sneak out of class or lecture. So, the staff now keeps a more watchful eye on the comings and goings in and out of the gate.

Anyway....I digress.

Route One is where you walk through the hotel hallways, past the casinos and shops and restaurants, "through" the noise and people who are hungover, smoking, drinking, and gambling. It's noisy and smelly. Route Two is where you walk behind the hotel, across another parking area where the loading dock is, where the tour buses park, and where the garbage dumpsters sit. It's quiet and smelly.

Thus, the rat sighting. I was walking along on my own, reciting dialogue out loud to no one in particular, when I noticed a fellow yogi up ahead stopping to take a photo of something. "What could she possibly find attractive enough along this route to take a PHOTO?" I thought to myself. Upon arriving closer to where she was standing, I saw the object of her photo shoot. Small and gray and furry, sunning himself near the curb.

Wait.

Sunning himself?

He's a rat.

Aren't rats nocturnal?

Unless something is WRONG WITH THEM????

Push paranoia aside and just keep walking. And talking. Keep reciting dialogue and just walk.

That was animal occurence number one.

And then there was the guy who practiced next to me on Friday night in class. He's a guy who is, to say the least, a bit "distracted" during his yoga class. He doesn't seem to focus on anything...yet he seems to focus on everything. Except his yoga. He brings a mini bar of sorts into the yoga room, setting up a couple of flavors of electrolyte beverage next to his mat, complete with a bag of ice, a cup and a straw, and sometimes a large cooler with water. As if that weren't distracting enough, apparently he had some nasal congestion on Friday night, as he decided that he would clear his nose by closing one nostril at a time with his finger and blowing loudly and forcefully out of the open nostril, thus "blowing his nose" without using a tissue.

Okay.

I get it.

You're in the yoga room and your nose is runny. Or stuffy. Or whatever.

And you need to blow it.

And there are no tissues.

Because it's not your home studio where the teacher can pass by with the tissue box because she is nice and there are only 30 people in class. No...this is a room full of 350 people. You have to bring your own tissues to this party.

And of course, my fellow yoga teacher trainee did NOT have his tissues. I guess tissues do not belong in mini bars.

Nor did he have the common sense to lean over and wipe and/or blow his nose INTO his towel from a safe distance.

No.

He BLEW his nose from a STANDING POSITION.

Not once.

Not twice.

Not three times.

He blew his nose...so many times that I lost COUNT!! I am not joking, people!

This reminded me of an animal (in more ways than one...) noise. Elephant perhaps. A big elephant trumpet.

Over and over again.

Now I know that those of you who are reading this who think that the very IDEA of being in a heated room for 90 minutes dripping with sweat and smelling other people's sweat is horrifying in and of itself. I know that you people have just read this episode about the Elephant Guy and are now even MORE horrified than you could've possibly imagined. I have nothing to say really. Go ahead and revel in your disgust. I mean, really. What can I say?

So, I had a mental debate with myself during the class. Do I look to my right and make a "teacher face" at Elephant Guy? Do I "shhhhh" him? Do I just SAY something to him, like, "Stop it, Elephant Guy! That is unsanitary and disgusting!" What is a girl to do in the Bikram yoga room where you are supposed to be QUIET and focus, concentrate one point in the mirror don't even blink your eyes???

Debate.

Mental debate.

Tell him off or ignore him?

I must say that I probably SHOULD have told him off. But I did not. I tried to focus concentrate one point in the mirror don't even blink my eyes and block him OUT. Just do the yoga. Don't think about the germs. Just do your yoga.

Maybe Elephant Guy was a "plant?" Like the staffers took away the watermelon? Maybe they are messing with me this week. Trying to "break" me.

I will not break. I will do my yoga. I will focus concentrate one point in the mirror and not blink my eyes.

I survived.

Whether or not I'll end up with a cold in a week is another question waiting to be answered.

I drank an extra "emergen-C" today. Or two or three.

Another animal reference came about quite by accident this week when a friend who was sitting near me in posture clinic, munching on trail mix during a break, said, "I feel like a gerbil eating these nuts and seeds."

To which I responded. "You ARE a gerbil, Molly. We are all gerbils. Think about it. We are in a cage. We can see out but we can't really GET out. We eat the same thing every day. We drink water from a bottle turned upside-down. We are on a "wheel" and although we keep running, we never seem to get anywhere. AND...we are nocturnal (by force...not by choice). Running at night and not sleeping after dark."

At least Molly and I had a great laugh at this comparison.

Molly and I had another laugh this week (not an animal reference, but still a good one) while making up dialogue (instructions) for your child in "vomit pose." Nice. I know you are excited about this story.

This came about because of Maggie being sick last week. I was telling Molly (mother of two kids about same age as Maggie) about feeling so sad for Mark and for Maggie, both of them having to deal with her being sick. And not just a cold, of course. The REAL "sick" kind of sick kid who is throwing up. Molly said, "And they never throw up in just one place. They always throw up on the way to the place where they think they should throw up.

And then after they are done, then they come and wake you. And tell you that they don't feel good. And then no one feels good. On top of that, there is clean up to do. So, we thought if only we could solve this issue. IF ONLY our kids could just know what to do about throwing up, maybe it would be easier for everyone. Hey...let's invent some dialogue so that they will know what to do!

So...our dialogue went something like this.

Vomit Pose. Children Only.

Lay down on your back. Eyes closed. Forehead clammy.

House quiet. Parent sleeping. Dog sleeping. Neighborhood sleeping.

Everyone sleeping.

Toss and turn. Start to get more clammy.

Salivate.

Salivate more.

Salivate more and more and more.

Take a deep breath and you sit up. Eyes closed. Breathing shallow.

Sit straight up. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

OPEN YOUR EYES. Breathing more rapid.

Look around the room.

Look around and search around.

Find the trash can.

Go directly to the trash can.

Do not move away from the trash can.

Trash can and your head always facing each other....

By the time we got to this point, we were laughing too hard to finish. Besides, the next part would've been too gross to think about, so we just left it at that.

Other highlights this week...

Rajashree was back this week, but only for Monday. She taught morning class and gave an overview of her lectures to come when she returns in the next couple of weeks. We were all delighted to see her.

I received a package from my studio at home this week. It was SO nice to get a box of "love" from everyone. I found everything inside to be of great comfort. There are little notes from people at the studio, bunches of them!! People are actually thinking about me! Wow! I can pull a few out every day and they make me smile. I am taping them up onto my "bulletin board" here in my hotel room. It's the picture hanging on the wall and I've taped up Maggie's pictures and card that she made for me for Mother's Day as well as the notes from everyone back home. It's on the wall near my bed and it makes me smile. I would take pictures of stuff and post them here if I wasn't so technologically challenged.

We had a teacher this week who would say "let the floor hold you" every time we went to lay on our backs in savasana (which is the 20 second rest between postures in the floor series for you non yogis). He said it in such a way that it was a great comfort to me. He didn't just say "let the floor hold you." He said, "Let the floor. Hold. You." I wish I could write it so that you could "hear" it. For whatever reason, it made me feel like the floor was really supporting me, holding me like a giant hand cradling my body. Nice feeling. He was "Mike from Chicago."

We were lucky enough this week to have current yoga champ Joseph Encinia for a posture clinic as well as having him teach a class this week. He is so full of JOY, this guy. Unreal. He literally can't stop smiling. He's young and cute enough to want to put in your pocket and take home. That's what all of us "moms" thought of him, anyway. Like a friendly smiling toy that we wanted to take home for our kids to play with. Just makes you happy just by looking at him. Like a puppy, a black lab puppy (trying again with the animal theme). We heard about him back in the first few weeks of training when David Buckner from Dallas was here and teaching class one day. He told us a story during class about a young kid who came into his yoga studio with arthritis so bad that he could hardly move his body. Long story short...he did what he could, little by little, one class at a time, started attending posture clinics and getting more serious about his yoga, until he told David that one day he would be competing in a local yoga competition. David said that he thought it was nice for this kid to have such a big dream, such a big and impossible dream. After the local competition, he moved on to bigger and better things. Long story short...not only is Joe now a Bikram yoga teacher, he is the current champ! He is amazing. He is full of energy and joy and everyone LOVED his class this week. What an inspiration. He did some demonstrations for us and the guy is really fantastic. Hard to believe that less than 10 years ago, he could hardly move his body. Google him...amazing yoga postures.

Joe explained to us "what's the big deal about the dialogue anyway." He told us how a friend of his invited him to a yoga class at a different hot studio where they do yoga in the heat, but they don't use the dialogue (specific instructions for what to do, how to do it, and the effect of doing it for each posture...to "talk" you through the postures during class...for those of you who are unfamiliar). So, this friend of his had practiced yoga for several years and he had seen her postures in his class. He noticed one day when he was teaching that while her postures were good, the student in class next to her who had only been practicing Bikram yoga for a couple of months actually had better form. He wondered how that could be?? Someone who has been practicing for four years ought to have the ability to outshine a newcomer, right? So, he attended the hot yoga studio with her one day and then he said he understood it all. At the other yoga studio, they did not have the precise instructions that the Bikram studio gives everyone. The instructions are valuable because they are exact and precise and they teach you to enter the posture properly, moving each part of the body in sequence and with precision, how to remain in the posture with breathing techniques, and how to exit the posture again with correct sequence and precision and safety. It's all about the technique! Many other types of yoga don't teach such precise technique and it's "okay" to do it however you want to do it. But, really, it's not. It's really all about the technique. If you don't have the proper technique, then you really aren't getting the benefits of the posture for your body, inside and out, and you may be doing something that is unsafe. So simple really. Just follow the dialogue!

Don't get me wrong. All yoga is good yoga. But Joe was just emphasizing to us what he sees as the value in having this dialogue that Bikram has created.

Thursday afternoon and evening we were treated to lecture by Jon Burras, known as the "Fascia Guy." While he did say the word "fascia" over a gazillion times, his lectures were fascinating and thought-provoking. Unfortunately for us, he was only here for a day. I don't think he covered as much material as he has in previous trainings and I found that I was wishing he had more time with us. His website is JonBurras.com if you want to learn more about his subject area.

A totally hilarious thing happened during his lecture. At least for me. He was talking about how the fascia in the body becomes hardened in some cases due to injury or age or lack of proper exercise. He said that this occurs due to "hydrogen bonding." Now, this is funny because for about the past six months, at home Mark has been explaining the way everything in the universe works to Maggie and it all seems to come down to "hydrogen bonding." Maggie is now trained to answer Daddy's questions ("Why does the sun rise, Mag?" "Why are you sneezing?" "Why is Murphy continuing to pee on the carpet?" "Why is Mommy gone for so long?") with the answer..."It's because of hydrogen bonding, Daddy!" One day way back, the answer really was hydrogen bonding and being the chemist that he is, Mark explained this in detail for Maggie who had a sort of glazed-over look on her face.

We were all sad on Thursday night to say good-bye (for now) to Diane Ducharme. Diane has been with us for a couple of weeks now and we all have nothing but love for her. She walked into the lecture hall on Thursday night and went to the front and we all clapped and stood up for her. We didn't stop clapping until she TOLD us to stop it.

Then we sat down and she tried to talk, but she just smiled and didn't say anything for a moment. Not sure, but I think she was feeling sad to be leaving us, too. So, she stood quietly, smiling at us.

And we started clapping again. And we stood up again. And we all got sort of teary-eyed. We clapped and clapped until she told us to stop it (again).

She told us that she would see us again and we look forward to her return. I think that she is the most beloved of all the staff. She is just so "real" and she has such a way of making everyone feel at ease and, well, just like themselves. What a great gift...to be able to make whoever you are with feel like "themself."

If you EVER have the opportunity to attend a class or posture clinic led by Diane, don't hesitate to go. You will not regret it. She is amazing.

We were treated to lecture by Bikram on Thursday night after The Fascia Guy finished. We were all very happy to be told that Monday would be a "holiday" for us. We have only morning class on Monday and the rest of the day off. We are all overjoyed to hear this, as we have MUCH studying and sleeping to do this weekend!

Some interesting quotes this week...

"automatical" Bikram

"go for shopping" Bikram

"Everyone has something special, something they can do better than anyone else, but you never know what it is until someone or something shows brings it out of you. That's what yoga does. It opens doors." Bikram

"My class, no way you can tell me you're sorry...you didn't know what to do, how to do, right way. No excuses. Same every time. Exact, precise, same instructions every time. You have to LISTEN." Bikram

"I HATE lazy people!" Bikram

"Take care of the body and everything else will follow. Happiness. Goodness." Bikram

Tightrope Walking

So, I've been seriously trying to think of what to write about this week. Week Five is complete.

I don't feel like I have much inspiration to pass along this week, mainly due to being so tired, so I guess I'll just recap what it felt like.

There's this game on the Wii. It's a tightrope game. You try to balance and walk across the tightrope and if you sway too far to the right or left, you go down. (Oh....there's another dialogue quotation again!) What I mean is that you fall to your certain death...off of the tightrope and game is over. And just before you fall, there is dramatic music, all of the Mii people that are watching you from the building across the way are looking nervous, and droplets of sweat start spewing from your head as you try to maintain balance.

Hey, wait a minute...the droplets of sweat and maintaining balance thing is actually more than imagination!

Anyway, I think I can compare this week to a tightrope and/or tightrope walk in several ways.

Let's talk muscles first. Like, hamstrings. And back muscles. Calf muscles. TOE muscles. And some muscles in my neck that I pretty much don't think have been used in the past 46 years of my life. All of the muscles in my body pretty much feel like a tightrope. I can see the rope in my head. It's a nasty looking one. Big and thick and sort of hairy, with bits of material sort of fraying from the sides. It's a dark tan/brown color and is tight, twisted as hard as possible (sorry...dialogue brain) and there is NO way that it is going to ever ever in a million years get loose again. Each muscle in my body feels like it's now a tightrope. I used to be able to touch my toes.

I think.

Way back sometime in my past.

Not so easy right now. I will definitely NOT be having a photo of Bikram standing on my back while I fold in half like a jack knife with my face touching my legs.

So...tightrope. Tight muscles. All over. I hope they will loosen up one day because my yoga postures are looking pretty darn BAD right now. Some "example" I'll be setting as a teacher. "They" say this all goes away after you return home and back to your normal routine and life. We'll just have to wait and see on that one.

I wish I knew who "they" were.

Next, let's talk emotions. I'm using the tightrope reference here like...Oh...I feel my balance is off today...hope I don't fall...almost fell...oh, I recovered...oh...falling again...oh no...here I go! I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

Oh...I fell off again. Let me get back on and try to walk across.

You get the idea.

Week Five was tough emotionally, felt like I was constantly "falling off the rope," during yoga class, posture clinic, wherever. Happy one day. Sad the next day. Confidence up one afternoon. Confidence down the next afternoon. I think these emotional ups and downs were because I am so worn out physically. The two are most definitely connected. When your body is tired, you are just more emotional. It actually feels good to cry. I welcome it now if I am in class and the tears start coming. And it's not just me. Everyone is walking around like zombies. People are limping, crying, walking into things...just generally everyone is hitting a wall. People are cranky. Tolerance is low. We are all feeling the effects of the same routine day after day without enough of a break to really feel refreshed before starting over again into yet another week.

By Friday of this week, most people in my posture clinic arrived unprepared to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, but for the first time, many of us were too tired to care. We just went up when it was our turn and did the best we could. "Fake it 'til you make it" is what they keep telling us. And, it usually worked out pretty well. We're all tired and punchy and saying things in posture clinic that make us laugh.

An Irishman in our group had "homework" from his last presentation to "have fun, be loud, and use a different accent" when he presented his next posture. So, he stood up to present Tree Pose and Toe Stand, which are both pretty quiet postures, so you don't necessarily have to be "energetic" with your instruction. He started YELLING his instructions with an American Southern (redneck, if you don't mind) accent. He was yelling so loudly that his entire head turned red. He had us ALL in stitches laughing hysterically. He went through the entire dialogue, perfect, didn't miss a word. It was great. His "homework" was accomplished and we all had a good and much needed laugh.

My turn came and I did my best to sound "commanding" which was my homework. (I'm sure that Mark is laughing at this...as I know it's hard for him to imagine that I might not sound commanding enough.) So, I did my best and was told "nice job...that was more commanding." But...our posture clinic was being led by a teacher from Austin, Texas (yes, Karen comes back to haunt me again!) who was really fun and enjoyed making us do all sorts of fun stuff. So...before I could get away, she asked me to deliver my dialogue again, military style, like a drill sergeant, and YELL at the students, and get it out as fast as possible, no matter what comes out, keep going. Now, I did NOT have these two postures very well memorized, I must confess, and when I did deliver them the first time, I had to really think about what to say and I know I left out a few lines...so when under pressure to deliver loud and fast, military style...well...it's hard to try to recall what to say while in this situation.

I said something like this...

"Stand up straight! Get your feet together on the line! Now pick up your right foot and hold it in your left hand! Place that foot right up into your crotch and keep it there! Now put your hands together LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO CHURCH! NOW PUSH YOUR HIPS FORWARD TOWARD THE MIRROR! OPEN THOSE HIPS UP LIKE ELVIS PRESLEY!" (The real instruction is to push your hips forward toward the mirror to open up your pelvis...not "Elvis.")

At this point, I was just too silly to go on. Everyone had a good laugh and the teacher told me that I did a great job and I could stop. Now every time I hear the part in the dialogue about opening up your pelvis, I have to think "...like Elvis."

The teacher told me that if I'm teaching my first class and I get into a bind...forget what to say...to do something like that and it would save the day. Seems like that would be some unexpected fun in the yoga room.

She had several of the male trainees present dialogue in a female voice for their second turn. This also got a lot of laughs from everyone. We learned a lot, had some fun, and forgot for a while how tired we all are.

Other highlights this week....

Wednesday night marked the exact halfway point for us. We were treated to evening lecture with Diane and Teri. Diane talked to us about how the dialogue is a "prescription" to help heal people and how we are responsible for sticking to the prescription because it works. She told us that we will hear countless stories about how this yoga has helped to heal people in many ways and that it's a wonderful gift to be able to give...IF you give it the right way. Teri came up on stage and told her story of how Bikram yoga changed her life. Long story short, she arrived at her first Bikram class unable to move her neck due to a spinal injury for which her doctors told her there was no cure other than surgery and rods implanted in her cervical spine which would limit her range of motion for the rest of her life. Also, she was a heavy smoker. She arrived to Diane's class unable to move her neck. All Diane asked her was if she could move her eyes. Answer was yes....welcome to your first Bikram yoga class. Years later, no surgery, no rods in her spine, having quit smoking, she has a new life. She feels great and she did a lovely back bend for us on the stage. Amazing! It was most inspirational and we were all sad that she returned home next day. We will miss her. She's Teri Almquist from Bikram Yoga Merrimack Valley in Massachusetts...if you are ever in her neighborhood. A truly amazing woman. So compassionate. She reminded us to make no judgements, especially with new students, because we don't know what they are bringing in with them. Emotions, physical issues, addictions...whatever. Be compassionate. Great lesson.

This night was a highlight because it reminded us all of why we are here. A nice boost in the midst of a tough week and everyone having a hard time REMEMBERING why we are here. I am looking forward to more nights like that one in the coming weeks. The inspiration from a real life story really helps you to think that "all of this bullshit" is worth it in the end. How great to be able to help someone like Teri.

Another highlight...during one afternoon posture clinic, there was a visiting teacher who I felt like I knew from somewhere. Couldn't pinpoint it, but I just felt like I knew her. After my dialogue delivery and feedback from the lead teacher, she added a few comments that made me feel really good. I can't even remember what they were now, but I remember that what she said made me feel like she really "got me," even though she had just watched me deliver 45 seconds of dialogue and had never met me before. That was so SO nice to hear. I spoke to her afterwards and she lives in California, so we figured that we couldn't know each other. She did grow up on the east coast, so maybe that is why she was familiar.

Big highlight this week happened for me in the elevator. I ran into "Miss Pink," who was in teacher training with Karen and wrote a book called "Miss Pink and the Mighty Cobra" about her teacher training experience. Way back when I was talking with Karen about the decision to come to training, she gave me that book to read and I think I finished it in two days. I could relate to Miss Pink on SO many levels and her book was inspiring and funny and made me want to come to training. So, when she introduced herself to the class last week, I was thrilled to see her in person, but realized that my chances of running into her again were slim. She was not in my posture clinics, so I didn't think I'd get to meet her and thank her for writing her book. And then one day, there she was in the elevator. I had about 10 floors to spew out how wonderful I thought her book was, how inspirational she was, blah, blah, blah... Hope she wasn't too overwhelmed by my excitement!

Another highlight...or "lowlight," as it is. The heat in the yoga room was insane this week for the 5:00 class. IN. SANE. Diane taught Thursday class and it was literally so hot in there that by the time Triangle rolled around, she mentioned to the staff at the back of the room that they might open the doors if the thought it was a good idea (which, they didn't, of course). A few minutes later, she mentioned that anyone who was feeling bad might want to "go out of the room, take a little break." I was flat on my back, trying to just breathe and stay in the room, crying, of course, due to exhaustion and sadness because it was Diane teaching and I was missing her class, and I saw MANY people pass me by out of the corner of my eye...fleeing from the heat. I survived, having felt a little better about not making it through beyond Triangle pose, cuz if Diane was giving permission/admitting that the room was overheated, then I was not just "being lazy" by sitting out the second half of class, unable to lift a finger, let alone a limb.

Next day the heat was better, but so was the outside weather here in Las Vegas. It was hotter mid week. I have figured out that the outside weather has a HUGE effect on the temperature in the tent and I am now hoping it doesn't get too hot too soon. They tell us that the desert heats up pretty severely in the Summer. But that's usually late Summer, July/August time. I can only hope.

So, after a couple of days of ridiculously hot afternoon classes, we were all worn out and beyond caring about much. Thus the crazy Friday posture clinic behaviors.

Highlight...anatomy course is over. The final test was on Monday afternoon. I'm sure that I will receive an adequate grade so that I will not be needing to retake that one. Good to have that course out of the way and not have "extra" stuff to study.

Lowlight...Maggie was sick all week this week with some virus. It was a throw-up kind of virus. A fever kind of virus. She was okay during the day, then her fever would spike in the evenings, causing confusion for Mark as to whether she was getting better or not. She missed three days of school and was up in the night a few times, so no one was getting sleep at my house. We had to cut our Skype call short last Sunday because she had to leave the screen to go and throw up. Pitiful. She looked and sounded tired and so did Mark. I'm hoping that she's better this week and everything gets back to normal. I was wishing that I was home to take care of them both.

Highlight...they moved the CPR certification class from Saturday to Friday which was GREAT. Originally, CPR was going to take up our Saturday afternoon. When they changed that out, there was thunderous applause and pounding on the floor (this is what we do when we are really happy about something) from all of the teacher trainees because we now had a free day on Saturday to do errands, laundry, study, SLEEP. "First time EVER in Bikram yoga teacher training that CPR is not on the weekend..." We were reminded of this over and over again.

I took advantage of the sleep part and had two naps today. Now a night of sleep with no alarm to wake me in the morning is sounding glorious. Tomorrow is a day of study. I worked today with a friend and we were both too tired to study very effectively. We knew when it was time to give up. Tomorrow will be a better day.

I hope.

Long as there are no tightropes around.

But, I guess if they are there, I'll just do the best I can to balance and if I fall off, get back on.

After all, it's now becoming less about "me" and more about "them." The students, that is. They are the ones who I am here for. That is my "self-realization" for this week.

That, and the fact that "Elvis" rhymes nicely with "pelvis!"

Had It All Along

So, today in class, I was thinking...about nothing in particular, which is what you are supposed to do. Just doing my postures and focusing on nothing.

When a thought popped into my head out of no where!

And I had a revelation of sorts. You know my post for this past week was "mind over the matter," right? Well, during class today, the thought that popped into my head was...actually more like a conversation (or many conversations over the years actually) that I've had with my mom. Something like this...

Marcia: "Mom...are your knees bothering you? Looks like you are in pain."

Mom: "Well, I just tell myself that they are NOT bothering me."

Me: (eye roll) "Now, Jennie...maybe you should see the doctor about them?"

Mom: "I don't need to see the doctor. I just tell myself that they are fine. And that's that."

Those of you who know Jennie know that there is no arguing with her. This is the end of this particular conversation (which occured before the knee replacement surgery, by the way.)

Or another one...

Marcia: "Mom...your back bothering you? Seems like something is up."

Mom: "Yes, but I put the heating pad on it and I tell myself it is NOT bothering me and it's fine."

You see a trend here?

Or this one...

Marcia: "Mom...HOW do you only eat chocolate twice a year? Don't you want some chocolate when it's not Easter or Christmas, for God's sake?" ("For God's sake" is a big Jennie-ism.)

Mom: "Well, of course I want the chocolate, but I made a promise a long time ago to God and this is a sacrifice of sorts and so I just do it."

Marcia: "Man, I wish I could be more in control like that!"

You see it yet???

It's MIND OVER THE MATTER!!! My mom has been exposing me to this all of my life! How cool is that? I grew up with this technique right in front of me! She says her knees aren't bothering her and they don't. She says her back isn't going to stop her from bowling/golfing/shopping...and it doesn't! She says she won't eat chocolate and she doesn't! She has TOTAL mind control!! Wow!

And since Mom is older than Bikram (although I won't say how much older)....I have to wonder if maybe HE didn't learn it from HER?

We are always thanking our moms for stuff. Stuff we don't even realize they are doing for us or stuff they teach us by example. I guess I am teaching my own daughter by example right now. She will realize it one day too. I hope it's a good one It seems that it takes a lifetime to realize how much our moms do for us...even now after 46 years I am discovering new things. It's nice to continue to realize how much a parent does for their children...sometimes unintentionally, just by being themselves. I am so lucky to have a mom like Jennie. And a dad like Mike.

Feeling so blessed today.

Week Four: Mind Over The Matter?

Okay, so I am trying for something clever here, but nothing is coming to me. Just a normal week. Nothing extraordinary. At least it doesn't seem extraordinary.

Uh...wait a minute. Let me change that thought. Maybe it was an extraordinary week. Let's see...

I should say that I started the week on Monday by talking to myself on the way to the elevator (yes, out loud...no big deal here as it IS Vegas and people are walking around talking to themselves all the time at all hours, so I fit right in even though I am not drunk) and down to the yoga "compound" and telling myself it was going to be a good week. Telling myself that I was not going to have any issues this week that were out of the ordinary. No intestinal issues. Just normal aches and pains and tiredness. I was trying the "mind over the matter" trick. If I just tell myself it is going to be a good week, then it WILL be a good week.

And Monday went well. I was rested. I think all Mondays will go pretty well compared to the remaining days of the week. I woke up with a bit of a funny feeling in my head that morning, though. Having just recovered from the "intestinal issues" of the previous week, I was a bit concerned. During Monday's two yoga classes when my head went upside-down on a few occasions I felt a lot of sinus pressure in my head.

"My head feels funny...what do you think is wrong with me?" I said to my friend on Monday night. All day I had been worrying about what his headachey feeling meant. I was thinking that now that my intestinal issues are seemingly past...is this the next "thing" for me to have trouble with? Is this a sign of dehydration? Malnutrition? Hormonal imbalance? Gas? Stress? Reflux? Indigestion? Emotional problems? I was thinking of all sorts of horrible things and wondering how I could possibly fix myself so I could survive the week to come. Thinking that I had solved one physical issue and now was gearing up to deal with another one, OH NO! "Will I ever feel normal again??"

"Maybe you're having some sinus issues?" she said, just sort of calmly and matter-of-factly. (?)

"Oh!"

Revelation!!!!

I'm thinking in my head now..."yes...during class this morning I did feel sinus pressure! Could it really be that simple? Sinus pressure in my head? Oh my gosh! Maybe it's NOT any of those awful things I have made up. Maybe it's just sinus congestion. Simple as that. JUST my sinuses! It's dry here in Vegas. My nose is dry, throat dry. I have congestion which is making my head feel funny. OF COURSE THAT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!"

And you know what?

Almost immediately...I felt better. My headachey feeling went away. Gone. Just like that.

Power of the mind. Bikram has been lecturing about the "mind over the matter" for the past week. How your mind can control your body and you have to be the master of your thoughts.Hmmmm. Could he actually have a point? (And no, they are not serving Kool Aid at the lectures, so get that out of your heads, all of you I-know-who-you-are people!)

He showed us some video clips of yogis (himself, his guru, his friend) who were on episodes of "That's Incredible" back in the 1970's. There were clips of yogis lying on a bed of nails, motorcycles driving over the top of their bodies, or elephants walking over the chest of a yogi lying on the ground on a mattress with a board over the top of his chest. And more. Many more seemingly impossible feats of strength. It was all pretty incredible, and we are anxiously waiting for the explanation of "how" the yogis perform these amazing feats. Is it all mind over matter?? Positioning of the body? How do they do it? Still waiting for the answer. Will have to report back to you on that one.

So, good news, bottom line there is that this week I had a completely "normal" week as far as physical issues go. No intestinal problems. No headache. Just the sinus thing and of course the sleepiness at the end of the week due to Bikram's return and also return of the late-night lectures on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Nice. Week Four. I survived. No emotional releases this week, no physical issues...just doing my job this week, one day at a time, getting more and more tired. Week Four, better than week three. Yipeee!

So, oh my gosh, now I can't help but worry that "since my 4th week was good, then my 5th week might suck." No no no...have to push that thought out of my head! Mind over matter.

Posture clinic on Monday night...Bikram had "something else to do" we were told, so we didn't have his lecture on that night. Instead we had posture clinic and I presented Eagle pose and was told to focus more on the "bold words" in the dialogue and emphasize them more. I should add here that in the next posture clinic, the next set of teachers then tell me to "smooth it out" more. Don't be so bold. It's interesting, watching how posture clinic works. I guess you go to one extreme, then the other, then back and forth until you meet in the middle eventually, finding your personal "style."

More visiting teachers this week during the week and it's great to see all the different styles of teaching, how some teachers have great energy for some trainees and not for others. We had a grueling class one morning with a teacher who is nicknamed "Two Hour Ted." We were all weary from late-night lecture the evening before and NO ONE I talked with had many good things to say about that morning class. We were cranky.

Had posture clinic with Diane Ducharme on Friday and I must say that is was the highlight of my entire week. She gave us all excellent feedback and I learned SO much about yoga, about life, about myself. She is incredible. I find myself wishing that everyone could experience a posture clinic with her. She helped me to relax before I presented my balancing stick by talking with me about my name. "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" finally came up here. Took four weeks for someone to say it. Have to love it that it was Diane, someone so "famous." I had to smile and think of Jackie who always calls me this at home. Diane had me (and everyone else) laughing for a few minutes before I did my dialogue and then it just sort of flowed out of me. No problem. She has an amazing gift of making everyone feel at ease and special. Even the people in my group are closer as a result of the way she worked with us and helped us to get to know each other and support each other. Three hours. Pretty great gift she has.

Friday night's class was hot, hot, HOT. The teachers who are here for recertification attended class with us, bumping up the number in the tent from 360-ish to 500-ish. Amazing class. I was so thankful for the PROTEIN which I have been consuming in mass quantities this week, as it is giving my body strength to get through class. I have figured out that I need to eat a lot of protein after morning class and it carries me through the day and through evening class feeling pretty strong. Red meat. Eggs. Cheese. Yum.

No, I am not losing weight. But, at least I am not throwing up and/or dehydrated and/or having intestinal issues. (At this point, that seems more important than my weight.)

At least not this week. I make no predictions for next week.

The weekend was great as Karen and Pavida arrived on Friday. It was great to see them and feel like I had a little bit of home. Pavida brought a package to me from Mark and Maggie with a Hello Kitty lovingly made at the Build-A-Bear store, complete with Mother's Day sash, T-shirt with a photo of Maggie hugging Hello Kitty, poetry and cards made by Maggie, and chocolate covered banana chips from Fresh Market. HELLO!!! Wonderful surprises! I miss them so much and I am pretty excited that we are at the HALFWAY POINT!!!

I had a daytime slumber party with Pavida on Saturday during a break from theirrecertification classes and we watched TV and caught up on funny teacher training stories, mostly about the kinds of people here and the different teachers we've had. After Pavida and Karen went to their afternoon lecture, I had a nice nap on the bed. Luxury...hour and a half of sleep! Karen came to Friday night's lecture (at least up until the projector started warming up...smart girl!) and I was thrilled that she was there for Bikram's rendition of how he invented disco by removing the "-teque" part from some night club somewhere back in nineteen seventy-something. Classic Bikram.

On Sunday I am heading to the grocery store to stock up for the next couple of weeks, then to a buffet with Karen and Pavida before they have to leave. More studying is required tomorrow, as we are having our anatomy final on Monday and were told that posture clinic would be stepping up this week, so there is a lot to learn about the next four, five, or six postures. I am so tired during the week that my brain just doesn't function well for studying, so I find that getting as much as possible in on the weekends makes for a less stressful week.

I will post this now (Saturday night my time) and probably not post again until next weekend unless something really exciting happens this week. Bikram is in Vegas, I think, so I'm sure I'll be tired and not have a lot of time for blogging.

Please keep sending good thoughts my way. I miss you all and I am longing for "regular life" as I truly feel so far removed from normal stuff here in the yoga bubble. No news, no outside contact, nothing. It's odd. Can't imagine how much farther "out" I'll feel after another 5 weeks! It must be such a free feeling to be done at the end. I can only imagine, of course.

So...week four. I have been thinking all week of an assignment to give to everyone (teacher in me coming out, both the former teacher and the about to be teacher) who might be reading this. I guess since I had my "oh...it's just my sinuses and I'm not going to die this week" revelation, and sort of my theme is "mind over the matter" this week, why don't you guys try it this week with something? Anything. You've got nothing to lose. You don't even have to tell anyone that you're trying my assignment.

I was in class next to a young guy this week and we were talking prior to class about how things were going, how tired we were, which staff members were bugging us and how, all the usual stuff. He was very calm and collected. Peaceful, I would say. He said that one day when a staff member asked him to do something and he didn't understand the reason why and started to get that pissed-0ff feeling and wanting to argue, instead he just said, "okay." That was it. He just said "okay" and let go of whatever he was going to get upset about. And then...this is the cool part. He said he was going to just add that to his list of things he is learning here. He just got to have an extra little personal "practice" in managing his feelings of anger and frustration (in this case). Pretty cool. Nice use of his energy. His name was Tyler. I had never seen him before and I recall thinking that he must always be on the opposite side of the room or something. I was amazed at his positivity! Young kid. Pretty mature. Nice to see a young kid with such good insight and positivity. He reminded me of Karen. A male version.

So...then Karen shows up on Friday for the teacher recertification and she's in class and we are chatting beforehand and she says...

"Have you met the guy who is here from Austin?" Austin is where she lives now.

"No...I don't think so...what's his name?"

Seriously.

You know it, don't you?

"Tyler!"

Now how about THAT? I'll have to find him and tell him the story.

But I am getting off track...

So...assignment.

Here it is.

Humor me.

Tell yourself something about what's bugging you. A body ache or pain. A thought that you have that might be negative. Someone who is bugging you for some reason...change the thought in your mind and see if it makes a difference. Yes, even if it's a physical pain that you can FEEL and not just a thought about someone or something. Try to change your thought. Direct your thoughts and energy to something more positive. Then let me know. Email me or comment here. You yogis can try something like, "I'm going to do a kick-ass triangle today, all four sides, no matter what...my triangle is going to be better than the one I did in my previous class." Or, if the entire triangle posture is too much, just think something like, "I'm going to breathe through triangle posture today." That's all. You don't have to say it out loud like a crazed Vegas tourist. Just to yourself. If it doesn't seem to be working, don't give up. Try it again next class. Non yogis try it with something else in your daytime process. A coworker who is making you crazy. A kid. The grocery store that ran out of the item you needed. Just try it. Change your mind. You have the capability to do it. Report back to me.

In my mind, I'm thinking that lots of you will try it. I can't wait to hear from you!