Broken Umbrella

For those of you who don't take Bikram yoga classes, let me explain the title of this week's post, "Broken Umbrella." There is a posture in the standing series called "Balancing Stick" in which you are standing on one leg and bending forward from the waist, arms clasped tight over your head and stretching toward the front wall (mirrors) and the foot of the leg you're not standing on pointed and stretching toward the back wall behind you. You are supposed to stretch and stretch and stretch yourself in opposite directions to make your body look like a "T" like in "Tom" and NOT like a "broken umbrella." We even had a demonstration of the proper form during Week 1 where Bikram pulled some poor fella from class, made him come up front where everyone could see, and then called upon one student to pull his arms one way and a second student to pull his legs the opposite direction, showing us and the poor fella how a proper Balancing Stick posture should look and feel. I think the guy was a couple of inches taller when they were finished.

This week for me, at least on Monday and Tuesday...were definitely "broken umbrella days." I was at the bottom of whatever my bottom has been so far. And I know it's only Week Two...seven more to go (not that I am counting).

Even though I had some crying episodes last week during morning classes, this was worse. On Tuesday, I do believe if someone had pulled up a limo (or a Pinto or even a "serial killer van" for that matter) and offered me a ride home, I would've JUMPED right in. Get me OUT of here!!!

I wanted Marcia back. WHO was this miserable weepy person, walking around like an empty shell...this was NOT me and although I didn't like feeling this way, I had no control over my emotions. They were just coming out. Dripping down my face for whoever was unfortunate enough to look at me, speak to me, sit next to me, practice next to me in class, anyone.

Sigh.

I described this sort of feeling on my FaceBook page as "Roadkill Pose." I guess that after only two weeks of "everything yoga," it seemed fitting to describe my state of being as it would apply to a yoga posture. I need to make up dialogue for this pose. Some instructions so that maybe I can teach it in my class some day to the students. I think it might go something like..."lay down on the floor, curl your body up, but not too tight, face down, belly down, arms and legs limp, breathing shallow...eyes half open and swollen. (That would be the set up part.) Take a deep breath, inhale, GASP for air if you need to, suck your stomach in...and cry. And cry. And cry. Continuously keep crying. Don't stop crying. Now cry, and cry, and cry, and CRY...last chance to CRY! (dramatic pause)...stay there, on the floor, do NOT come up until you feel a little better. Maybe in a few minutes. Maybe in a few hours. Maybe in a few days. Eventually you'll be hungry enough to have to get up from the floor."

Fortunately, for every "bottom" there is a top, and so after I came out of Roadkill Pose which lasted most of Monday night and all day Tuesday, I started the next posture. Wednesday was "Soaring Airplane Pose." You get the idea. I felt pretty good on Wednesday. Happiness returned. "Marcia" returned. Thank goodness. My Bikram Yoga Richmond teachers told me that this was a "roller coaster ride" full of ups and downs. I guess this is what they mean.

Now I look forward to each day wondering "which posture" I'll be in that day. And knowing that if it is indeed a "Roadkill" kind of day, the next one might just be "Soaring Airplane." Or at least "Twin Engine Prop." Something like that.

We had some severe weather here in Vegas this week. High winds with strong gusts caused evening classes to be canceled two days in a row. People around me were complaining about missing class. Secretly, I was happy for the break. I can handle one class a day mid week. I know it's going to get harder, so I'm enjoying the "light week" while I can.

We completed presenting Half Moon for Bikram this week. We were rewarded with a pizza party at the start of evening lecture. We are happy to have this milestone behind us. We will break into smaller groups in the coming weeks for posture clinics to present the other postures and receive coaching from the senior teachers and staff here.

A very nice gentleman presented his dialogue today on the stage and Bikram said he did a good job but he "looked like a terrorist." Bikram suggested that he shave. All of us in the audience in the lecture tent said "Awwwww...because this fellow is sweet and loved by everyone who speaks to him, very friendly." Bikram got upset with us...waved his arm and said to the guy, "Don't you listen to THEM. They will lie to you. Everyone will lie to you. Your mother is the first one to lie to you. Then your father lies to you. Your grandmother, your grandfather, your sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers...EVERYONE lies to you. What good is lying? It does you no good. All those people who lie to you...they are not your friends. I will tell you the TRUTH. I am the best friend you ever had." He is referring, of course, to the polite kinds of lies people tell like "Oh...what a cute baby," when really the baby might be not-so-cute. Or, "Oh what a great job you are doing in school!" when actually getting Bs and Cs might not be ideal. Or..."No, Honey...that dress does NOT make you look fat." Again, you get the idea. So, Bikram tells us all the time that HE is our best friend because HE will not lie to us. He will do us a favor by telling us the truth. We all laugh at this, of course.

Sometimes it's nice to hear a little complimentary lie once in a while.

Hard to believe that Week Two is now over. I feel like this was the warm-up period and that we were given time to adjust to the schedule, find our way around as far as laundry goes, and ease into class (physically).

I am a little apprehensive for Week Three, but will not worry about it until it is here. Bikram is away this week and Emmy is coming. Emmy is the principal of Bikram's Yoga College. She is 82 years old and apparently we are about to be amazed by what she can do (her postures) as well as her method of teaching (roaming around, sneaking up on us, taking us by surprise and killing us). "Emmy is coming" is what all of the teachers have been saying this with a sort of evil little smile. They won't say any more. They just smile. Bikram is the only one who has actually told us what is going to happen when Emmy arrives. Of course...because he won't lie to us. He is the best friend we ever had. He said something like...when Emmy gets here, she will take you and cut you up into pieces, throw you into the blender and put it on high speed, make a strawberry milkshake out of you...then she will DRINK you. Then there is an evil laugh...

I had a salad in one of the hotel cafes this week during an extra long dinner break which we were having due to the evening class being canceled (high winds). It was a Thai salad that came with chopsticks and a fortune cookie.

Get ready.

This was freaky.

The fortune inside my cookie said..."Your goal will be met in two months."

I KNOW!

Totally freaked out. I taped it into my notebook (because, of course, I brought a roll of scotch tape just in case I would be needing it).

Week Two was followed by a nice and restful weekend. We were dismissed from posture clinic at 11:00 on Friday night, so we had three glorious nights of sleep in a row. No extra-late nights this weekend. I feel rested and ready to start all over again, Week Three. The studying of the next few postures is taking every waking moment of my time, as I have to be ready to present these at posture clinic this week. I am still trying to find my "method" of memorization, and a little apprehensive about whether it's really sinking into my brain or not. All I can do is try.

My roommate and I shared a rental car along with a third friend this weekend and we ran our errands to the grocery store, Target, and the laundry mat. Simple things like having clean clothes are making me feel better. We got back to our room after running errands and put all of our stuff away. She and I had a good laugh at the complete JOY I get out of "arranging" my stuff, putting things away, keeping things tidy. I'm starting to call myself "Felix," from the Odd Couple. Or perhaps a more modern day name would be "Monk." What can I say? It's the only thing I have control over that makes me happy right now. Gotta take what I can! Last night we had pizza in our room and watched some of a movie on TV and studied. Felt a bit like college days. No...felt a LOT like college days. It was great.

Physically I am starting to feel some issues creeping up. Just when I was getting all confident about feeling good...saying things to myself like "Oh...I feel okay physically...some sore muscles, but nothing debilitating...good for me!" By Saturday morning class at the end of Week Two, my knees were talking to me...asking me what was I thinking taking 19 classes in 2 weeks. Just goes to show you that you shouldn't get too overconfident. But, sleep and Advil and rest from yoga class has made them feel normal again. I continue to not push myself too too hard in class, as I don't want to have an injury to deal with.

Also, physically, I am feeling puffy. Can't think of a better way to describe it. Several other women I've talked to are also feeling puffy. Could it be the bagel with Jif Extra Crunchy peanut butter and an iced latte every day after morning class last week? Could it be 5-cheese pizza from Saturday night? Could it be peanut M&Ms? I'm thinking that all of this might have something to do with it.

Which brings me to another subject. Eating. I'm eating without monitoring every single calorie. Unusual for me. For the past two (okay...more than two) years, I've been a faithful Weight Watchers member and tracked my calories always... So, now, here, it just seems impossible to add that to all the things I have to think about and worry about and study about. So, no calorie counting for me. I don't eat much during the week anyway, mostly due to being too tired and/or too close to having to take class.

Mentally, so far, things are okay. I'm missing home and missing Mark and Maggie, of course, but there is so much to keep me busy here that there is little time to "think" about what I'm missing. It's just like 90 minute yoga class. If you think too much, your mind will become your worst enemy instead of your best friend. I find that on Sundays I am missing them the most. I guess it's because that is my day to think.

I am already learning things about myself and about people, just by being in a group of 360 and watching and observing how things work, how people interact, and how I interact with them. Or not. I see some "groups" forming and I am not "in" any of them, which is, as far as I recall, how I seem to operate in my life. I look back at high school and college and even my time teaching and it seems that I am a person who operates on the "outside" of the group(s). I'm looking at this as a sort of a gift. At least that's my way of putting a positive spin on how I am operating here. Maybe I am a person who can relate with all of the groups, not locked into one or another. Isn't that good? To be able to relate to the groups. To not be locked in?

Bikram lectured this week on discrimination. His opinion is that discrimination is the one thing that causes all of the problems in the world. So, he was talking about how we should try not to discriminate against anyone based on their race, religion, the way they look, whatever. I watch people here and I see how easily and quickly they make judgements based on nothing, really. They don't even know they are doing it. Passing judgement before knowing anything about a person. I've met all kinds of people here with all kinds of backgrounds and life experiences that make them "the way they are." It's fascinating how your life experiences shape the person that you become as you grow older. So, another lesson learned this week...don't judge people before you get to know them. Always give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't know what kind of day they are having, what kind of week, month, year, life, or whatever. And if they are rude to you or don't give back to you what you think they should, just let them be. They are not ready yet. Don't judge. Don't try to change them. Just smile and be happy that you might have been a bright spot in their day, and move on. You can't control them or their feelings, and you shouldn't try to. You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself.

So, there it is. Week Two report. I think I've covered just about everything there is to cover. Now I'm off to study. Hope some of the postures will stick in my underused brain! I hope that one of them will be the "T like in Tom" and NOT the broken umbrella.

Some quotes from the week:

"Don't change the words of the dialogue. The words are there for a reason. It's like a song. You don't sing 'Raindrops keep falling on my ASS...' am I right?? So, you use the words of the dialogue exactly as they are written and your students will understand exactly what to do!"

"Having doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to use it."

Bikram, "Am I right?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

Bikram, "You got my point?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

"Smile...it doesn't cost you anything."

"It takes 43 muscles in the face to make a frown. It takes 3 to smile."

I'm Seeing You All

Forgot to mention in this week's post. I'm "seeing" you all. My friends and family. It's funny. A sort of game that Mark and I play when we're out somewhere or traveling somewhere far from home. We see someone who looks like someone back home. It makes us smile. Here, when I see someone "from home," it gives me great comfort.

Amazing that people from all over the world can be so familiar! Either that or I'm really cracking up here! In any case, it's good to "see" you...Caty Cook and Michelle Pfeiffer. Someone "sent" you two girls to me.

I'll look for more of you in the coming weeks.

Alice In The Wonderland

Okay...I hope you noticed the extra word in today's blog title. There is no "the" in the original title to the story, but I had to use this as my title for this week's post because it seems to fit so well. And I must give credit where credit is due...this is NOT my wording. It was in one of my emails this past week from our dear friend and teacher Pavida (for those of you who don't know, Pavida teaches at Bikram Yoga Richmond and she has a beautiful way with words due to her exotic foreign accent!).

So, it seems that the "Alice In Wonderland" part is fitting because that's pretty much exactly who I feel like this week. I'm walking around, looking around at the strange and unusual sights and sounds, sort of in awe of it all, sort of disgusted by some of it, and amused by some of it.

The extra "the" in the title seems also fitting because I now find myself actually thinking and occasionally speaking JUST LIKE THIS!!! Perhaps it is from listening to Bikram all week conduct class with his Indian accent, conduct lecture with his Indian accent, and practicing the dialogue so much, which seems to lend itself to speaking sort of "all chopped up" if you will. Just the words you need. No extra stuff.

Except for the "the." That is extra stuff, but I'm using it this week, because it seems to fit.

Big sigh.

So, where where WHERE to begin to report from this week's activities? There is so much to say, so much in my brain, that I don't know where to begin. Bikram has said that several times this week...he seems to be bubbling over with excitement at the knowledge he has in his head to give to all of us. He says he has so many stories. So many lessons to teach us all. And the jokes. Several good jokes were told this week. We actually ASKED for the jokes. And now, of course, I can't remember any of them. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you know I have memory issues... Even if I could remember them, they would be sure to offend someone, somewhere, somehow. No question.

Am sitting in a quiet area of the hotel, inside, even though it's a beautiful day out. I was out earlier this morning with my roommate at a great breakfast place. We sat outside and I ate stuff that I normally would NOT eat. But, I figure with ten classes in my pocket from this past week, it won't do me any harm. Feeling a little strange today. Physically strange. A little shaky...hopefully due to the cup of coffee I had this morning and nothing else.

Oh...or the 10 classes of hot yoga?

Oh...or the stress of figuring things out all week?

Oh...or just the stress of it being "me" who is doing this!

But, let me go back a few days. Let's get back to the "Alice In The Wonderland" part. Alice has made it through one week. Alice is still standing (or rather, relaxing on a sofa). Alice is glad to have the first week behind her. Alice has met some interesting people and seen some amazing things.

I'm keeping notes in my notebook during afternoon and evening lecture, trying to write down things that I want to remember so that I can take a little time to reflect on them on Sundays, which is the day that I think I'll be able to relax, breathe, and try to take it all in, take a little time for myself. So, sitting here in the hotel, enjoying the company of no one but myself (a welcome relief after being surrounded by people all the time all week long), I'm turning the pages of my notebook to relive the past week.

Yoga classes this week have been okay. As I think about it, the fact that we did ten classes is pretty amazing. Taking class with 358 students and about 20 to 30 extra people in the back (visiting teachers and staff) is sort of surreal. Like Alice in the Wonderland. Each class I sit and observe everyone, watching people interact with each other and try to get to know one another. I thought that the yoga room at home was full and "crowded" with 40 people, but this is truly unimaginable.

The ceiling has stopped moving, at least. That was making me dizzy. Oh...you're wondering about the ceiling moving? Well, we are in a sort of temporary/permanant yoga room/tent structure and inside, the mirrors, on three sides, are not actually mirrors, but sheets of mylar (?) that sort of make you look like you're in a funhouse. The sheets of mylar are freestanding, not attached to a wall behind them, so they sort of sway and move if it's windy outside. (Which it was earlier this week) So, if you are fortunate enough to be somewhere in the room where you can actually see yourself, it might not be such a great thing because you can easily get motion sickness.

Then, when looking up at the ceiling during the first breathing exercise, on day one, I noticed that the ceiling, which is draped with white fabric, also sways and moves with any wind. You're "supposed to feel dizzy" during this breathing exercise anyway, so I guess the fact that the ceiling moves is just an additional tool to help you get to dizzy.

After a week, I think I am used to the movement.

The weather here this week was pretty cold. And because the yoga room walls are not made of brick, it was difficult to heat it properly. As of Friday, the weather started to warm up and there was much-welcomed humidity in the room. Everyone was happy for the sweat, and I found out this week that Bikram yoga is very difficult withOUT the humid conditions. So, everyone who goes to class and is reading this back in the hot and humid climate of the East Coast...be GLAD for the humidity. It is really helping you more than you know. I know you get angry with it, you try to wipe it from your eyes and your face, and you wonder how you can be sweating so much and why it has to be so humid in this room... But it's really doing you a huge favor. Big huge favor.

This week in Thursday morning class as well as Friday morning class, I found myself crying, tears coming down sort of gently...for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was exhausted. We were up late on both Wednesday and Thursday nights, so I was mentally tired from lack of sleep, physically tired from so much yoga, and the stress of studying, waiting in line to present my dialogue for Bikram, all of the "newness" of everything. Figuring it all out and having no control over it and all the stress that brings...just exhausted.

But, don't feel bad. Don't turn your head sideways and think, "Awwwww...poor thing." It was just fine with me to cry. I still did the class, I was not hysterical or falling on my rear. I was okay, just crying. It was good to let it out. I felt pretty good afterwards.

Our teachers have been great this week. Morning class is tough. I am feeling stiff and sore and tired. I feel like it is a warm up for the day. Afternoon class is amazing. Bikram has such energy and everyone feels that his eyes are on us, all individually. He doesn't hesitate to point out the ability he has to see everything. During the first class he taught on Monday, out of 350 students in the yoga room, ONE student crossed his arms the wrong way during Eagle posture and Bikram pointed him out. "Mr. Blue...your arms is crossed the wrong way." Mr. Blue fixed himself, and then Bikram was sure to point out to us (in case we hadn't noticed) that he could SEE Mr. Blue...only one...making the wrong move. So, now, we are all highly aware that when Bikram is teaching us, he's watching us. Every one. And in case you are wondering if Bikram was pulling a fast one and there really was no Mr. Blue...I was standing about three people away from him, and I saw him fix his arms, so yes, Bikram really DID see Mr. Blue. No joke, no bluff, unbelieveable!

There are a few students who stand out by way of their appearance and thank goodness I am NOT one of them. Because these easily-identified students are "easy targets" in class. There is "Miss Korea," "Miss Cleopatra," and the "High School Boy." All are women. High School Boy is a lovely young woman with beautiful postures who has a very short hair cut. Fortunately, she is also a good sport, and has accepted her new name.

All of these people are characters in "the Wonderland." Like the Mad Hatter or the Queen of Hearts. We are all in it together.

So, I presented my Half Moon dialogue in front of 357 people and Bikram on Thursday. I was number 170 and I was able to squeeze my presentation in just prior to dismissal at 4:00. I think this was a good thing, because Bikram must've been tired and ready for a break. I got a quick, "Very good...no comments...NEXT!" from him. My roommate was right after me and was also given good feedback before we all were released to return to our rooms to prepare for evening class. Whew. What a relief to have that behind me! I was more anxious than I had anticipated about the whole thing.

Standing and waiting to take the microphone and get up on the stage had me sweating, my throat was dry, I felt a bit nauseous, my legs were shaking as I walked across the stage...amazing!! A grown woman of my age being so nervous. While I felt my voice shaking, legs shaking, hands sweating, stuff coming out of my mouth and not knowing WHAT I was saying...the words were coming out and the four students who were demonstrating were doing the posture...my friends in the lecture hall all said that I sounded confident and great and that they would take my class any time! Wow! Great!

Bikram gives everyone feedback, the good, the bad, the ugly, but mainly, the truth. He gives constructive criticism and we all listen and learn from what he says as everyone goes up to present. After about 150 people, when a few folks would get stuck, someone in the audience would shout out the next word, giving our fellow students some help in order to get them out of their stressful situation. Bikram turned around after a while of this happening and he was smiling from ear to ear. He talked to us about how we haven't even known each other for a week and we are helping each other. He was very proud of this, it was evident the way a parent will watch a child discover something for himself and then point it out. "Did you see what just happened? Do you see what is happening?"

Physically I'm feeling okay. This morning (Sunday) I woke up with a stiff neck and a lot of pain in my upper back. Michelle...uh...where is my personal massage therapist??? It has felt better as the day wears on and I hope it'll pass with the yoga classes this week. Something else will come up, I'm sure. I also have a twitchy muscle in my thigh. Just twitching for no apparent reason. But, I'm still standing. Physically okay after week one.

A few of us rented a car for the weekend. We found a place to do our laundry, visited a few stores to stock up on food and supplies for the room, ate some delicous food, and felt that we were "in control" for just a bit of time. Three grown women, all using their cell phone GPS systems, trying to locate Wal Mart or Target. Pretty funny. We had to laugh at ourselves. We also kept vocalizing how we were proud of ourselves for finding our way to the laundrymat, finding our way to the store, to the restaurant, or whatever. Hey! We are grown-ups! In a strange land. With strange people and strange roads. And we figured it out!! Now are prepared for the start of Week Two. At least we have established somewhat of a routine and figured out the "way to work things" as far as eating, getting around the hotel and local area, etc. That added a lot of stress to the first week. Hopefully that is gone.

Some good quotes from the past few days...

"All the money in the world is no good if you aren't happy."

"You can cheat the world by doing many things that are wrong. No one else may realize what you are doing, this cheating. But you can NEVER cheat yourself. You will know what you are doing. Your guilty conscious will always tell you that you are cheating. Don't cheat yourself. In yoga class, in life. Just do it. Do it the right way. Don't cheat. You gain nothing by cheating."

"The best food is NO FOOD." Ha Ha Ha. My Italian self has to laugh heartily at this one.

"As long as you live, you have nothing to lose. Ask me why (everyone says "WHY?"). Because you didn't have anything to START with. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain."

"Life in India is Hell. And yet the Indian people are loyal to their family and true to each other. It is because their life is like Hell. Until your life is like Hell, you don't appreciate how wonderful your life truly is."

"Miss Korea!! What are you doing? Get your ass in the chair!!!" (During awkward pose where you are supposed to sit down like you are sitting in a chair.)

So, there it is. Week One. I was able to skype with Mark and Maggie today, also my Mom and Dad and Alexis and her family. Seeing everyone was great, but it also seems that they all were giving my sympathetic looks. I'm sure I looked tired. I am tired. Going for a nap now. Taking it easy today. Getting ready to begin the second week.

Seeing that Maggie is happy and doing well makes things easier. I found that I got choked up today when Mark showed me the DOGS on skype. The DOGS were choking me up! Perhaps it's because I know they can't understand where I am and I'm feeling sorry for them. Who knows? The emotions are just what they are. I am just letting them "be."

It seems that time will not allow me to blog more than one time a week, so that'll have to be the best I hope to do.

I cannot close this post without saying that reading all of the comments and receiving emails from home is SO encouraging. I can feel the support from all of you who are communicating with me in some form or another. It makes me feel like I am really "someone" and not just one of 358 students being told what to do, when to do it, and where I don't know anyone who really knows who I am or what kind of person I am. That's been odd. To observe myself in this situation where I don't know anyone...to observe how I interact (or not) and how I choose to make friends (or not). It's interesting to see that I am not such a "people person" in my opinion, at least not at first. At first, I'm observing and watching and learning something from all kinds of people, some who are like me, most who are not. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Already I have met people who have incredible stories to tell. Some have had drug or alcohol problems, some emotional or physical problems, there is so much we don't know about people. Everyone has a story that makes them who they are. And you just don't know by looking at someone or by watching them interact. You just don't know where they've been in their life in order to bring them to this point where they look like they do, act like they act, think like they think. It's made me more accepting and compassionate towards people. Already I'm understanding that to pass judgements based upon initial observations is a waste of energy. Eveyone has someting to offer. Everyone.

I am thinking of you all and counting the days until I can see you all again. You all offer me so much and I am thankful for having you in my life.

Alice has now found her way around the Wonderland. I'm sure things will be more difficult this week for her. But she will reach out to her new friends for help, receive love and support from her old friends back at home, and she'll make it back here to give another report. On another day. Right now Alice is tired and needs some sleep.

Is It Too Early?

Okay, so I wasn't going to post anything today, but I can't resist because we have the night "off" from evening lecture so there is a bit of extra time. I'm sure it's the last time this will happen for a while, and since we start full schedule tomorrow, I know I'll not be able to get my thoughts out on paper. Or computer. Or whatever this is...

First of all, I would like to announce to whoever may be reading that I am ALREADY sore and there has only been ONE class. This is the part where everyone who is reading does a little head cock and says, "Awwwww...poor thing, how can she be sore already?" I hadn't gone to class since Thursday and I guess all of the sitting in cramped airplane seats during travel and sitting in orientation longer than I am used to sitting, sleeping in a new bed, just general being out of the routine, are all contributing to my being stiff. I was looking forward to class tonight and hoping it would loosen me up a bit. And it did, for a while during class. However, now that the old girl has showered and put on the PJ's...things are stiffening up.

Is this a bad sign on Day One? Is it too early to be feeling stiff already? Isn't yoga supposed ot make you feel better? Hmmmm.

Well, at least it's done and I MADE IT THROUGH. Day One is done and I am here to tell about it. Even though I shouldn't be. Telling about it, that is...not "being here."

I found myself thinking during class tonight...and I realize I'm not supposed to "think," but I couldn't help it. BIKRAM was teaching!! There were 300 people in the room! THREE HUNDRED. (The other 60 are stranded in Europe due to the volcanic ash and will be arriving by the end of this week, we are told.) All of us from all over the WORLD are gathered in this room with a common goal and hopefully in nine weeks, we'll all be certified to start teaching! How much distraction can a person take?? And I was in about the fifth row and couldn't see myself in the mirror, so I had a hard time focusing. And I had a headache. But it's not like I could opt out. "I have a headache...I don't think I'll go to class today."

Not an option.

So, I found myself thinking of those that have done this before me and if they can do it, maybe I can too. I found myself thinking about my teachers who have influenced me and encouraged me saying that I could do it. They all did it and if they believe in me, then I should just relax and believe in me too. So, I had this conversation in my head during class (again....I know...the thinking is a problem...I have nine weeks to work it out) and that sort of got me through.

That, and I really DID "take it easy, Honey" like Bikram said to do.

So, is it too early to start feeling stiff and sore and tired? I don't think so. Might as well get it all started. Dive right in. One day at a time, one class at a time, one posture at a time, one sore muscle at a time. Just like 90 minute class. One breath at a time. Taking the positive spin on this...it will help me to force myself to take it easy for this first week while I'm still getting used to the routine.

Speaking of the "positive spin" makes me recall a few quotes from our orientation today. I found them extremely interesting, and of course, due to memory issues, I want to record them for my future self.

"Negative energy is nine times more powerful than positive energy." So, get RID of the negative energy. Leave it outside. Way outside. Like, wherever you came from. Leave it all behind you. Don't bring it with you, don't hang around others who exude it, leave it.

"Doing it ninety-nine percent right still equals WRONG." And don't you go thinking that one hundred percent right is good either. 110%...okay.

"There is no limit to good. You can never have too much good, can you?" Think about that one...interesting. "What's the worst thing will happen to you? You die. That is the limit of the worst thing. The end. Bad has a limit."

"You think they are missing you at home? NO ONE is missing you. They are glad you're gone!!" This one got a big laugh, I imagine, because all of us are most likely control freaks and those we've left behind are now released from our constant watchful and controlling ways. I know I had a good laugh at this point in the lecture.

So, is it too early for soreness and fatigue after just Day One...where they took it easy on us?

Doesn't matter is it's too early or not.

That's just the way it is.

"Orientating"

So, this afternoon we had orientation. "Orientating," I like to call it. I've spent the entire day orientating myself to the hotel, the logistics of where things are, the noise of the casinos, the slightly to mostly intoxicated people walking though the lobby areas. Lots of orientating today.

Rajashree (Bikram's wife for those of you who don't know) was the first to speak to us and welcome us all to the training. She was most inspiring, exuding kindness and love. I'm pretty sure she loves us all, and everyone is loving her right back.

We were introduced to the staff and each had something motivating and inspirational to say. What a great bunch of folks (who are going to try to kill us over the next nine weeks).

We had a very fancy dinner in one of the ballrooms tonight. A great treat, lots of food and more opportunities to meet our fellow classmates. The class is the biggest one yet. Three hundred and fifty-something. We felt very pampered. Even Bikram made an appearance at the end. Exciting to see him.

Tomorrow we gather at 10:30 in the lecture room with Bikram and then return at 5:00 for the first class. Bikram is teaching us and the excitement and anticipation is evident.

We are discouraged from blogging, emailing, texting, calling home too much. Discouraged from keeping in touch with our lives back at home. This is because they want us to be totally "here" and totally engaged. We are encouraged to take this time for ourselves, to really be present in this nine week experience of a lifetime, to allow this time just for us.

And while I understand this, I don't want to cut off totally for a couple of reasons.

One reason being that the former bloggers who shared their experiences online enabled me to feel like there was someone else out there like me who survived this training. Someone who I could relate to. For that reason, I hope to continue to record my experiences. Maybe I'll be someone who a future trainee relates to. So reason number one is for other people.

And of course, reason number two would be my failing memory, mentioned in previous post(s). I'd like to get this all recorded for my future self to enjoy looking back upon one day. Cuz she'll probably forget a lot of this. Maybe she'll have forgotten on purpose? Now that reason is definitely something I'm doing for myself, so I'm counting that as "all about me."

Reason three for keeping up the blogging? Therapy. It's theraputic for me to write, giving me an outlet for getting thoughts out of my head. Again, this reason seems like it's going to benefit me...so, I will hope to continue to blog.

Three reasons. That's enough. Time for bed now. Tomorrow looks to be pretty busy, as does the remainder of the week. I may not have time for another "therapy" session until the weekend. It'll be hard for me to leave my technology alone. Yet another "control" issue. But this is the goal from what the staff members all said tonight. Let go of whatever you come here with. Empty your cup. Turn it upsidedown and take a paper towel and dry it out. Let it air out some more to be sure it's really really dry. Put it down and just listen and observe things around you for a while. Eventually, over time, after you hit some sort of "rock bottom" that the experienced teachers are all talking about, you prepare to fill it up with more than you ever thought possible.

Day One..."orientating," is over. That's my word for today, by the way. Orientating. People told me that it's not really a word, but I figure if I can say "exactly forehead," I can say "orientating."

Am I Supposed To Be Somewhere?

Wandering around the hotel, exploring. Day One. I found a quiet spot in a seating area near the East Tower Elevators. Not many people, just one guy on another sofa studying dialogue.

Oops. Should I be studying dialogue?

I'm in a daze. I don't know what to do with myself right now. It's 11:00 and I've walked around the interior of the hotel to explore. Getting set to go outside now and see what the pool area is like, not that I want to be in the sun.

I feel like I "should" be somewhere. Doing something. But I don't know where. Or what. Or how to get there.

I spent the morning unpacking my things and doing a lot of arranging. For those of you who know me, you will smile and know that this process alone was a comfort and made me feel somewhat better about being here. I have places for my things now and everything is put away nicely, so I feel a bit "moved in." Amazing how the small processes like this make you feel comfort.

Susan the llama is on my bed. She looks very comfy. I'm glad that Mag chose her for me to bring along.

I just came through the elevator and the older couple who were getting out as I was getting in said a cheery good morning. They looked like they were so happy to be in Vegas. When I got in the elevator, I smelled Bloke. Obviously the gentleman had just had a fresh spray of Axe. Normally overwhelming enough to make me cough at home and become irritated, wondering if Bloke has some kind of olfactory problem that he doesn't realize how strong that smell is, it was a comforting scent for a change. I had to smile at my change of heart concerning this familiar scent. I'm making strides already!

Debating about how to get out and "stock up" on groceries, coconut water, other survival items. This is yet another step which I know will give me some comfort.

I'm sensing that I have some control issues. Not like I didn't know that...but I guess I just feel so OUT of control of everything right now that anything I CAN control is going to bring me peace. The only thing I have are my things. I can control them.

I'm so happy to have my laptop here. So happy that Mark thought of this. It's another comfort to me...makes me feel like I'm not so out of touch. Although I'm sure that part of this process is to take you OUT of "touch." I'll fight it as long as I can.

I think I should be studying dialogue. I think I should "be" somewhere.

Maybe just for these couple of hours, while I can, I should enjoy NOT having the schedule. I know it's coming. I know it'll be wearing me down soon enough.

So, maybe I am not supposed to be somewhere right now. Maybe, for now, I am supposed to be right here, on this sofa, in the quiet, just observing, thinking, being thankful for the chance to grow with whatever is in store for me in the coming weeks.

Oh...and the guy who was studying dialogue on the other couch? He apparently fell asleep (go figure) and was just tapped by the hotel security guard..."Can't sleep here!" Poor fella. He immediately got up and went somewhere...wonder if he's got somewhere to be?

Where's The Volume Button?

Well, landed here in Vegas last night after a long journey. Already I appreciate Mark more and how he deals with travel all the time. Not something I would be fond of doing on a regular basis.

I am wide awake at 6:00 Vegas time. Nine o'clock "my time." Wondering how Mark and Maggie are getting along at home. And the dogs. I miss them all.

Somehow being connected to the internet and having my laptop here is giving me comfort already. Feels like a friend.

The shuttlebus ride from the airport to the hotel felt like a movie. This city is unreal. Lights, noise. Lights, noise. Lights, noise.

My first impression is that someone needs to turn down the volume! Unfortuately I can't find a remote.

As we stopped at one of the hotels to unload passengers from the airport, a stunning young woman carrying a clipboard hopped on board and said to the bus driver, "You heading back to the airport?" She looked and carried herself like a Disney princess. I am not kidding. She sat down and struck up a conversation with me, as I was the only remaining passenger on the bus. Her job is to promote specials at hotels in Vegas for tourists who have just arrived, so she started to tell me about dollar margaritas and "free money" at another casino. I listened politely and when she asked how long I was here for...and I replied "9 weeks," she immediately gave me a look of sympathy...then wrote down her phone number and gave me a list of local grocery stores that were less expensive, told me that she didn't drink, didn't smoke, was celibate, was active in her church, and struggling with the fact that her job was to promote things she didn't believe in. All in the princess voice and with style and grace and I wanted to be her friend. She was very kind. She said to call her if I needed any advice about the area. "Nine weeks is a long time to be away from home in a strange place."

I'm keeping her phone number in case of an emergency. But unless she really IS a princess, I don't anticipate that she will be able to help me survive this. I think I have to help myself.

Today we meet for registration and orientation. I imagine that is when we'll get rules and instructions about what we can and can't do. Like blogging, for example, which is probably against the rules.

I have to communicate somehow.

It Started With Cake

Is it okay to be just a little bit excited? I'm wondering that today. I'm feeling just a little excitement today, although it's hard to allow myself to feel excitement cuz there is also the feeling that I am seriously stepping away from all of my responsibilities here. But...today, at least for just today, there is excitement.

It started with cake.

A pink cake.

With MY name on it!

Walking into the studio this morning as I have on many other mornings for the past two and a half years, feeling a little excited to see my 9:30 friends for one last class until Summer, I glanced up as I opened the door and there on the little table in the lobby was a lovely pink cake.

The cake was for me!

And it's not my birthday. Even on my birthday there isn't always cake. (That's a curse of having a Christmas Day birthday, but that, too, is another blog post for another day.)

So, at 9:15 this morning, I was already starting to cry. Just because of the cake.

Then I looked up and saw my 9:30 friends and teachers from the studio and they were happy to see me and of course, I had to cry just a little bit more.

Already.

I'm not even AT teacher training yet and I'm crying.

Fannie taught an amazing class today. It was full of funny stories, touching stories, great energy and laughter and music. She sang such a wonderful song during savasana. It's in my head today...Viva Las Vegas, special Bikram yoga lyrics added for special effect. She has the voice of an angel and I will remember that song for a long time to come. My only regret is that I didn't get a recording!!

It was lovely to see everyone after class as well and to receive so many well wishes. Again, I go back to what I discovered during my first yoga challenge...that this community of people is so supportive of each other and so accepting of each other...and everyone who walks in the door. It continues to amaze me. How lucky I feel to be able to become a bigger part of it.

I practiced some dialogue today with Jessica and got some good pointers as well as a great feeling that I'm gonna be okay with it. Coming from a teacher who has such obvious passion for the yoga and the "magic" that is the dialogue, that made me feel great. Although I had to stand up on the podium...which freaked me out a bit. But her encouraging words made me feel that maybe I would be able to memorize all that I needed to. Maybe I CAN do it after all.

I feel like I'm walking through these days and hours before departure and time is passing and it's not really registering. 1 day, 14 hours, 17 minutes, 3 seconds according to the countdown clock. I'm looking at myself going through the events of the day, checking off each one as they happen...knowing that "Now that that is over, I'm one step closer to actually going..." It seems like it's happening to someone else.

Watching Maggie eat a piece of that cake today, seeing the gleam in her eyes as she savored every bite and smiled, listening to me talk about my "bon voyage class" and try to explain to her who Elvis was...made me smile. She was most curious to know what Miss Jessica thought about my presentation of Half Moon, which Maggie has been helping me to memorize. She was glad to hear that I got a "good report" from my teacher.

And now, sitting in my quiet house and listening to my dogs breathing on the sofa beside me, knowing that it's my last bit of alone time for a long while, I'm just feeling content. And a little bit happy. A little bit sad. A little bit lucky. A little bit scared. What a great day.

And it all started with a lovely pink cake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Knbh7TkX6A

To Be Continued

I told you it would be continued. That was not the end of the story. Can't let everyone off that easily.

So, after about a year of taking class and coming home from class all red-faced and sweaty and sometimes being tired and perhaps needing a nap or two once in a while...Bloke says to me one day, "How hard can it be? It's yoga!" (The "How hard can it be?" question is important and will come up again in a later post, I'm sure...like how something happens in the beginning of a mystery movie and you realize at the end..."Hey...that part earlier was important...")

While I refrained from totally freaking out on the poor fellow, I did suggest that perhaps he might like to try a class one day and then get back to me on how he felt about it. Took him a while, but he did go.

And then he went back!

And he continued to go again and again.

And, the biggest part, of course, is that he HAD to admit that it was, indeed VERY hard!

After a while of taking class, he said to me, "Hey...you ougtta teach this. You could teach this yoga and you'd love it! You're a teacher!" Awwww...how sweet. My husband is being nice and saying nice things to me like I could be a yoga teacher like the other yoga teachers who are, by the way, ALL fabulously fit and beautiful and YOUNGER than me. Isn't he nice? Isn't he supportive?

I wonder if he wants something? Giving me all of these props. Well, then again...he IS my husband and he IS supposed to think I can do stuff that I really can't do, right? He IS supposed to say "stuff like that" and make me feel good. Right? Right. I think that is in the husband job description.

So, "Yes, Honey...it would be great to teach yoga...but do you realize what is involved in becoming certified???"

When I explained to him that it was 9 weeks away for teacher training, and that the cost was significant, well, we both sort of laughed it off and that was that.

A few months passed and he mentioned it again..."You know we could do this if you want to do this."

"No we can't, Honey. Who will take care of all of the stuff that I take care of for us?"

"Well, I'm just saying that if you want this, we CAN make it work."

Again...how nice of him to be so supportive. But really. Me? A yoga teacher? Next to all of the fabulously fit and perfect and young teachers?? And really...what was he thinking about? Was he thinking clearly? Did he realize that doing this involved me being AWAY for 9 weeks? Me...who pays the bills, makes the food, shops for the food, takes care of the animals and the child, organizes everything around the house, does the laundry, etc., etc. If you are a mom and reading this, you know I could go on and on... Even if you are not a mom.

Again, there was dismissal. Yeah...it would be great, but let's get real.

So then, one day, as fate would have it, one of those fabulously fit and beautiful yoga teachers said something to me after class one day. "I was thinking about you all during class today. You ever consider going to teacher training?" she said.

Uh...wait, let me pick myself up from the chair that I just fell out of here in the lobby of the yoga studio.

"What?"

Then there was a conversation that went something like...

Karen: "You would be a great teacher."

Marcia: "What?"

Karen: "You could totally do this...I've been thinking about it for a while."

Marcia: "What?

Karen: "Seriously...think about it."

Marcia: "What?"

Marcia: "Okay...sure I'd love to be a yoga teacher. I used to love the "teaching" part of teaching, but I don't want to go back there cuz of all the "other stuff" that is involved. So, sure I'd love to teach. But ME...teach YOGA? Have you LOOKED at me??? I'm a short, middle-aged woman with at least 15 pounds to lose and you can't "see" any muscles in my body. I don't think I'm "qualified" for this position! Students won't find me "credible."

Karen: "You are more than qualified. Just think about it. I'll be there when you are a Bikram teacher one day. You'll see. And when you are, I'll be able to say, that I was there when..."

Marcia: "Well, thanks, Karen...but seriously?"

So, I mentioned this conversation to Mark when I got home that evening. He smiled and said, "I told you so...you should think seriously about this."

Then, slowly over time we talked about it on and off, for about the past year. Things got serious this past Fall and we came up with a plan (Plan A) for childcare and daddycare. Thinking it might work, I started talking to more of the teachers at the studio and, guess what?? They were MORE than supportive of me. Amazing! I started to actually believe that I maybe, possibly, incredibly...could DO this!!

Then Plan A fell on it's belly with a flop. Okay. I'm not going this Spring.

With Mark's encouragement, we came up with Plan B. A new plan for childcare and daddycare. After about a month of hopeful thoughts, Plan B also fell on it's belly with a flop. Okay. I'm not going this Spring.

We were talking about it one evening just about 2 months ago when Mark thought of Plan C. Plan C where he stays "grounded" from travel for 9 weeks, where we see if our wonderful baby-sitter who is practially Maggie's big sister is able to pick her up from the bus stop daily, and Mark comes home from work at a reasonable hour. This was all HIS plan. He, who travels for work, gets up at the crack of dawn for important meetings...he who works late every night. Uh...HIS plan.

Seriously?

"Well, we won't know whether or not to even move forward until you contact the sitter."

Which I then did.

And she then gleefully accepted the job offer.

And then...

Then...

Well, I had no reason NOT to jump in!

Except for all of my doubts. I continued to talk with all of my teachers. ALL were very supportive, but allowed me to come to the decision on my own. All of them shared their personal stories of "how they arrived at their decisions" and they were all inspiring and different and I realized that each one of them brings something to class that is their own special gift. Maybe I had something to offer as well?

What if I could show people that you don't have to be a "super athlete" like I thought you did in order to go to Bikram yoga? What if others like me found this yoga and tried it and if it did for them what it has done for me...physically, mentally..."what if?"

Well, that would be like...uh....Hey! Am I contributing to someone's well being? Someone other than my immediate family? Or maybe I can contribute to them as well as others? That might just make me feel pretty darn good. And it would make them feel pretty darn good. And when everyone feels good....things ARE good!

Amazing!

Talked with Mark some more. Brought up the subject with Maggie. She took it better than I anticipated. We talked it through and went over details of how things would work when Mommy was away.

I agonized for a few weeks. I went to the Bikram website and downloaded the application "just for fun" as my mom used to say when coaxing me to try on clothes that she liked and I didn't. I filled out the application. As days passed, I filled out a different piece of paperwork "just in case" and "just for fun" but I still hadn't sent any money in yet. THAT would make it a total committment. The money.

Well, about 6 weeks ago, Mark was traveling overseas and sent me an email message telling me to just stop agonizing. Telling me that I was so lucky to have something that I felt so passionate about as to make it a bigger part of my life and to share it w/ others. Telling me that I had nothing to lose. Telling me that he and Maggie would be okay. Telling me to just go get the checkbook and write a check, send in all of those "just for fun" forms. And just DO IT.

And, so I did.

And a few days later when I was in class one morning, having told the teacher that "I sent in my money," when she came to me at the end of class and said, "you don't mind if everyone knows...right" and then she announced it to the class...and my classmates ALL clapped and congratulated me, I felt, well...sort of overwhelmed. With joy. I felt that I had made the right decision. They also believed in me! How amazing!

And that, in a nutshell (or not, okay, okay, I know...) sort of sums up "how I got here." Today. Two days, 18 hours, 18 minutes, 3 seconds away from getting on a plane and making a big life change. A life change for me, for my family, and for my future students. I hope to be able to give them what the yoga has given to me. It's truly a life-changing tool.

I mean, look at me. Here I am changing my life. Amazing. I can hardly believe it's me doing this. It's like watching a movie of someone else.

Hope she does okay. I'm rooting for her.

How'd This Happen?

So, one of my dear friends asked such a simple question today. Simple, but one that I don't think I've given much consideration to. "How'd you get here?"

How, indeed.

So, in an effort to document the "how" of where I am right now at this moment, about to do something way of my comfort zone, something I never thought I'd be capable of doing, I will attempt to write it on paper. Or, rather, on a modern version of what appears to be "paper."

Just about three and a half years ago, when Maggie entered kindergarten, I guess I must've decided to take my life back. I started exercising and attending Weight Watchers meetings, started losing the weight of the previous five years, all accumulated due to stress of quitting a job, having a baby, moving to an apartment, building a house, moving to the house, being overwhelmed by the amount of work facing us in the new house. All of it had caused me to pack on the pounds and it seemed that I was finally ready to take them off again, get back to a healthy lifestyle. Which was very successful for about 6 months.

Then I had an injury. Started creeping up on me...my ankle feels funny. Oh...a week later, my ankle feels even funnier now. Another week...hey! My ankle hurts. Maybe I better lay off the gym activities for a while.

Another week...but wait. If I lay off the gym activities, I'll start to pork up again. (I know..."pork up" is not attractive...it's just what came to mind.)

So, I continued with moderate "gym" activities. And walking.

Until I couldn't do either of them anymore without pain. Couldn't walk across the room without pain. The room of my still undecorated house...the one that caused me to eat? That's the one.

So, off to the doc I went. Then to the orthopedic doc. Then I got a pretty isolation boot to wear and I entered into the world of physical therapy. At this point, I can't remember what happened with my weight, but I do know I was a bit panicked...if I can't exercise, I'll surely pork up again!! Oh no. This can't be "it" forever! Here I am in mid life...wearing an isolation boot and people are calling me ma'am!

I swam laps at the gym. I sat in the steam room afterwards. Even the laps made my tendons ache, though.

At this point, I started thinking about sweating. I missed sweating. I missed the sweatiness of my spinning classes. I didn't know how I would ever get that sweaty post exercise feeling of having worked very hard and done something so great for my body. HOW was I going to work up a sweat if I couldn't even walk across a room or swim a lap without pain, for goodness sake!

Things just happen when they are supposed to happen.

I had been talking to a friend who loved Bikram yoga. She was (is) a super athlete. A runner. And yet, she assured me that I could do it. "Oh, sure...I'm not a runner. I'm not even a walker at this point!"

But, desparate to sweat, and liking the happy feel-good, zen-like mood that my gym yoga classes gave me, I thought...I'll just give it a try.

Walked in one day. Took a class. Thought I was gonna die. Or hurl.

But I didn't.

And, being a "good student" and a "rule follower," I listened to my teacher who said, "Come back again tomorrow...no matter how you feel." Besides...she scared me! I was afraid to NOT do what she said! She was not "happy and zen-like." She was kinda bossy, actually, standing up there in the front of the class and telling us all what to do and when to do it and to push harder and keep pushing and don't stop pushing or pulling or sweating or smiling... But then she was happy and zen-like after class. She told me to come back tomorrow. And I did.

And the second class was still hard. Thought I was gonna die again. Or hurl again.

But I still didn't.

And I had another happy but firm and motivating teacher for class on that second day.

Repeat...I went to class four times that week, my "introductory come as many times as you can" week. I wasn't in love, in fact, I was mystified. This was not the happy yoga of my gym. This was not the yoga where we chant "om" before or after our postures. This wasn't "happy yoga." This was well, okay, I admit that I used this term a few times in my early days of Bikram hot yoga...this was "bitchy yoga." But for some strange reason which was yet to be revealed to me, I found that when I left the yoga class, I had no pain in my ankle! I felt great. I had energy. I had no pain in my ankle. I could walk around for the rest of the day without pain in my ankle!!!

What was the cause of this?

Had the tendonitis simply vanished?

Or...did the heat of the yoga room have something to do with it all? Or the meanie teacher? What was she doing up there talking a mile a minute and ordering us all to do stuff and not letting anyone talk or rest. Where'd my tendonitis go???

Let me just try this a few more times, I thought. And each time I felt better and better. Not only did my ankle improve, but my whole body, inside out, felt great. This is amazing! And, hey...look around! Sure, there are super athletic people in this class with me, but there are also "regular" people, just LIKE me!! And, hey....maybe the teacher isn't so bitchy after all. Maybe my "other" yoga classes are just "too happy."

Even I am laughing at that one.

Could this yoga be for "everyone?" Who is this Bikram guy and what is his deal??? Where'd he get this yoga and how can I make it a bigger part of MY life so that I can feel this good for a long long time?

The answer to that was the annual membership, of course. After several months of purchasing 10 classes at a time, I figured out that it would be more economical to buy the "unlimited monthly" pass, which I did. Then it became the challenge of "if I go more times per month, I'm really paying so much less per class."

This is about the time that Bloke started taking classes with me. But that is another story for another day...part two will follow. Even I am tired of reading this post...but I don't want to leave too much out. Cuz my memory is failing (see previous post) and I'll need this in order to remember it all one day, eventually, in the future....

Memory Issues And Last Whatevers

Okay. Now I've posted a link on Facebook to this site. I think I did that so successfully that I'm going to have to actually write something here now. Over the past week, I have...

I have...

I, uh...forget what I was going to say.

Just like that.

This is my new reality. I can't seem to focus or think clearly. I'm sort of moving through time and not really feeling like I'm "in" it.

Oh. Now I remember.

I have read some other blogs from previous teacher trainees and I have found them to be most helpful in many ways. Most are comforting and I can relate to many of the people who had many of the same feelings I am experiencing the week just prior to leaving.

Except for the memory thing. I haven't come across anyone who's had that yet. And, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna actually need the memory thing because I have forty-four pages of dialogue to memorize here.

The bedroom project that we undertook in January is now at a stage where we can stop and live like adults instead of feeling like college students with our clothing in cardboard boxes. The second floor is now back to normal and my life does not involve painting, sanding, spackling, or glazing any/all walls and furniture from the room. Thank goodness. I have this week to pack, go to yoga class, study dialogue, and get together with friends and family.

And think about how everything I'm doing is the "last insert-whatever-activity-you-like" here. I'm starting this thinking in my head already. This is my "last Sunday night at home" for a while. Next Sunday I'll be in Las Vegas. Me.

I'm looking forward to a week of "lasts." I find myself appreciating them more, whatever they are. Last Sunday morning of church and Panera with Mark and Mag.

Last Sunday to make the school lunches for the week. Oh oh. Which I forgot to do. See the part about the memory issues above!

Gotta go and make my to-do list for tomorrow. It's the "last Monday I'll have to myself" for a while. Need to write down what I want to accomplish. So I won't forget it all!