To Be Continued

I told you it would be continued. That was not the end of the story. Can't let everyone off that easily.

So, after about a year of taking class and coming home from class all red-faced and sweaty and sometimes being tired and perhaps needing a nap or two once in a while...Bloke says to me one day, "How hard can it be? It's yoga!" (The "How hard can it be?" question is important and will come up again in a later post, I'm sure...like how something happens in the beginning of a mystery movie and you realize at the end..."Hey...that part earlier was important...")

While I refrained from totally freaking out on the poor fellow, I did suggest that perhaps he might like to try a class one day and then get back to me on how he felt about it. Took him a while, but he did go.

And then he went back!

And he continued to go again and again.

And, the biggest part, of course, is that he HAD to admit that it was, indeed VERY hard!

After a while of taking class, he said to me, "Hey...you ougtta teach this. You could teach this yoga and you'd love it! You're a teacher!" Awwww...how sweet. My husband is being nice and saying nice things to me like I could be a yoga teacher like the other yoga teachers who are, by the way, ALL fabulously fit and beautiful and YOUNGER than me. Isn't he nice? Isn't he supportive?

I wonder if he wants something? Giving me all of these props. Well, then again...he IS my husband and he IS supposed to think I can do stuff that I really can't do, right? He IS supposed to say "stuff like that" and make me feel good. Right? Right. I think that is in the husband job description.

So, "Yes, Honey...it would be great to teach yoga...but do you realize what is involved in becoming certified???"

When I explained to him that it was 9 weeks away for teacher training, and that the cost was significant, well, we both sort of laughed it off and that was that.

A few months passed and he mentioned it again..."You know we could do this if you want to do this."

"No we can't, Honey. Who will take care of all of the stuff that I take care of for us?"

"Well, I'm just saying that if you want this, we CAN make it work."

Again...how nice of him to be so supportive. But really. Me? A yoga teacher? Next to all of the fabulously fit and perfect and young teachers?? And really...what was he thinking about? Was he thinking clearly? Did he realize that doing this involved me being AWAY for 9 weeks? Me...who pays the bills, makes the food, shops for the food, takes care of the animals and the child, organizes everything around the house, does the laundry, etc., etc. If you are a mom and reading this, you know I could go on and on... Even if you are not a mom.

Again, there was dismissal. Yeah...it would be great, but let's get real.

So then, one day, as fate would have it, one of those fabulously fit and beautiful yoga teachers said something to me after class one day. "I was thinking about you all during class today. You ever consider going to teacher training?" she said.

Uh...wait, let me pick myself up from the chair that I just fell out of here in the lobby of the yoga studio.

"What?"

Then there was a conversation that went something like...

Karen: "You would be a great teacher."

Marcia: "What?"

Karen: "You could totally do this...I've been thinking about it for a while."

Marcia: "What?

Karen: "Seriously...think about it."

Marcia: "What?"

Marcia: "Okay...sure I'd love to be a yoga teacher. I used to love the "teaching" part of teaching, but I don't want to go back there cuz of all the "other stuff" that is involved. So, sure I'd love to teach. But ME...teach YOGA? Have you LOOKED at me??? I'm a short, middle-aged woman with at least 15 pounds to lose and you can't "see" any muscles in my body. I don't think I'm "qualified" for this position! Students won't find me "credible."

Karen: "You are more than qualified. Just think about it. I'll be there when you are a Bikram teacher one day. You'll see. And when you are, I'll be able to say, that I was there when..."

Marcia: "Well, thanks, Karen...but seriously?"

So, I mentioned this conversation to Mark when I got home that evening. He smiled and said, "I told you so...you should think seriously about this."

Then, slowly over time we talked about it on and off, for about the past year. Things got serious this past Fall and we came up with a plan (Plan A) for childcare and daddycare. Thinking it might work, I started talking to more of the teachers at the studio and, guess what?? They were MORE than supportive of me. Amazing! I started to actually believe that I maybe, possibly, incredibly...could DO this!!

Then Plan A fell on it's belly with a flop. Okay. I'm not going this Spring.

With Mark's encouragement, we came up with Plan B. A new plan for childcare and daddycare. After about a month of hopeful thoughts, Plan B also fell on it's belly with a flop. Okay. I'm not going this Spring.

We were talking about it one evening just about 2 months ago when Mark thought of Plan C. Plan C where he stays "grounded" from travel for 9 weeks, where we see if our wonderful baby-sitter who is practially Maggie's big sister is able to pick her up from the bus stop daily, and Mark comes home from work at a reasonable hour. This was all HIS plan. He, who travels for work, gets up at the crack of dawn for important meetings...he who works late every night. Uh...HIS plan.

Seriously?

"Well, we won't know whether or not to even move forward until you contact the sitter."

Which I then did.

And she then gleefully accepted the job offer.

And then...

Then...

Well, I had no reason NOT to jump in!

Except for all of my doubts. I continued to talk with all of my teachers. ALL were very supportive, but allowed me to come to the decision on my own. All of them shared their personal stories of "how they arrived at their decisions" and they were all inspiring and different and I realized that each one of them brings something to class that is their own special gift. Maybe I had something to offer as well?

What if I could show people that you don't have to be a "super athlete" like I thought you did in order to go to Bikram yoga? What if others like me found this yoga and tried it and if it did for them what it has done for me...physically, mentally..."what if?"

Well, that would be like...uh....Hey! Am I contributing to someone's well being? Someone other than my immediate family? Or maybe I can contribute to them as well as others? That might just make me feel pretty darn good. And it would make them feel pretty darn good. And when everyone feels good....things ARE good!

Amazing!

Talked with Mark some more. Brought up the subject with Maggie. She took it better than I anticipated. We talked it through and went over details of how things would work when Mommy was away.

I agonized for a few weeks. I went to the Bikram website and downloaded the application "just for fun" as my mom used to say when coaxing me to try on clothes that she liked and I didn't. I filled out the application. As days passed, I filled out a different piece of paperwork "just in case" and "just for fun" but I still hadn't sent any money in yet. THAT would make it a total committment. The money.

Well, about 6 weeks ago, Mark was traveling overseas and sent me an email message telling me to just stop agonizing. Telling me that I was so lucky to have something that I felt so passionate about as to make it a bigger part of my life and to share it w/ others. Telling me that I had nothing to lose. Telling me that he and Maggie would be okay. Telling me to just go get the checkbook and write a check, send in all of those "just for fun" forms. And just DO IT.

And, so I did.

And a few days later when I was in class one morning, having told the teacher that "I sent in my money," when she came to me at the end of class and said, "you don't mind if everyone knows...right" and then she announced it to the class...and my classmates ALL clapped and congratulated me, I felt, well...sort of overwhelmed. With joy. I felt that I had made the right decision. They also believed in me! How amazing!

And that, in a nutshell (or not, okay, okay, I know...) sort of sums up "how I got here." Today. Two days, 18 hours, 18 minutes, 3 seconds away from getting on a plane and making a big life change. A life change for me, for my family, and for my future students. I hope to be able to give them what the yoga has given to me. It's truly a life-changing tool.

I mean, look at me. Here I am changing my life. Amazing. I can hardly believe it's me doing this. It's like watching a movie of someone else.

Hope she does okay. I'm rooting for her.