So, it seems that the "Alice In Wonderland" part is fitting because that's pretty much exactly who I feel like this week. I'm walking around, looking around at the strange and unusual sights and sounds, sort of in awe of it all, sort of disgusted by some of it, and amused by some of it.
The extra "the" in the title seems also fitting because I now find myself actually thinking and occasionally speaking JUST LIKE THIS!!! Perhaps it is from listening to Bikram all week conduct class with his Indian accent, conduct lecture with his Indian accent, and practicing the dialogue so much, which seems to lend itself to speaking sort of "all chopped up" if you will. Just the words you need. No extra stuff.
Except for the "the." That is extra stuff, but I'm using it this week, because it seems to fit.
Big sigh.
So, where where WHERE to begin to report from this week's activities? There is so much to say, so much in my brain, that I don't know where to begin. Bikram has said that several times this week...he seems to be bubbling over with excitement at the knowledge he has in his head to give to all of us. He says he has so many stories. So many lessons to teach us all. And the jokes. Several good jokes were told this week. We actually ASKED for the jokes. And now, of course, I can't remember any of them. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you know I have memory issues... Even if I could remember them, they would be sure to offend someone, somewhere, somehow. No question.
Am sitting in a quiet area of the hotel, inside, even though it's a beautiful day out. I was out earlier this morning with my roommate at a great breakfast place. We sat outside and I ate stuff that I normally would NOT eat. But, I figure with ten classes in my pocket from this past week, it won't do me any harm. Feeling a little strange today. Physically strange. A little shaky...hopefully due to the cup of coffee I had this morning and nothing else.
Oh...or the 10 classes of hot yoga?
Oh...or the stress of figuring things out all week?
Oh...or just the stress of it being "me" who is doing this!
But, let me go back a few days. Let's get back to the "Alice In The Wonderland" part. Alice has made it through one week. Alice is still standing (or rather, relaxing on a sofa). Alice is glad to have the first week behind her. Alice has met some interesting people and seen some amazing things.
I'm keeping notes in my notebook during afternoon and evening lecture, trying to write down things that I want to remember so that I can take a little time to reflect on them on Sundays, which is the day that I think I'll be able to relax, breathe, and try to take it all in, take a little time for myself. So, sitting here in the hotel, enjoying the company of no one but myself (a welcome relief after being surrounded by people all the time all week long), I'm turning the pages of my notebook to relive the past week.
Yoga classes this week have been okay. As I think about it, the fact that we did ten classes is pretty amazing. Taking class with 358 students and about 20 to 30 extra people in the back (visiting teachers and staff) is sort of surreal. Like Alice in the Wonderland. Each class I sit and observe everyone, watching people interact with each other and try to get to know one another. I thought that the yoga room at home was full and "crowded" with 40 people, but this is truly unimaginable.
The ceiling has stopped moving, at least. That was making me dizzy. Oh...you're wondering about the ceiling moving? Well, we are in a sort of temporary/permanant yoga room/tent structure and inside, the mirrors, on three sides, are not actually mirrors, but sheets of mylar (?) that sort of make you look like you're in a funhouse. The sheets of mylar are freestanding, not attached to a wall behind them, so they sort of sway and move if it's windy outside. (Which it was earlier this week) So, if you are fortunate enough to be somewhere in the room where you can actually see yourself, it might not be such a great thing because you can easily get motion sickness.
Then, when looking up at the ceiling during the first breathing exercise, on day one, I noticed that the ceiling, which is draped with white fabric, also sways and moves with any wind. You're "supposed to feel dizzy" during this breathing exercise anyway, so I guess the fact that the ceiling moves is just an additional tool to help you get to dizzy.
After a week, I think I am used to the movement.
The weather here this week was pretty cold. And because the yoga room walls are not made of brick, it was difficult to heat it properly. As of Friday, the weather started to warm up and there was much-welcomed humidity in the room. Everyone was happy for the sweat, and I found out this week that Bikram yoga is very difficult withOUT the humid conditions. So, everyone who goes to class and is reading this back in the hot and humid climate of the East Coast...be GLAD for the humidity. It is really helping you more than you know. I know you get angry with it, you try to wipe it from your eyes and your face, and you wonder how you can be sweating so much and why it has to be so humid in this room... But it's really doing you a huge favor. Big huge favor.
This week in Thursday morning class as well as Friday morning class, I found myself crying, tears coming down sort of gently...for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was exhausted. We were up late on both Wednesday and Thursday nights, so I was mentally tired from lack of sleep, physically tired from so much yoga, and the stress of studying, waiting in line to present my dialogue for Bikram, all of the "newness" of everything. Figuring it all out and having no control over it and all the stress that brings...just exhausted.
But, don't feel bad. Don't turn your head sideways and think, "Awwwww...poor thing." It was just fine with me to cry. I still did the class, I was not hysterical or falling on my rear. I was okay, just crying. It was good to let it out. I felt pretty good afterwards.
Our teachers have been great this week. Morning class is tough. I am feeling stiff and sore and tired. I feel like it is a warm up for the day. Afternoon class is amazing. Bikram has such energy and everyone feels that his eyes are on us, all individually. He doesn't hesitate to point out the ability he has to see everything. During the first class he taught on Monday, out of 350 students in the yoga room, ONE student crossed his arms the wrong way during Eagle posture and Bikram pointed him out. "Mr. Blue...your arms is crossed the wrong way." Mr. Blue fixed himself, and then Bikram was sure to point out to us (in case we hadn't noticed) that he could SEE Mr. Blue...only one...making the wrong move. So, now, we are all highly aware that when Bikram is teaching us, he's watching us. Every one. And in case you are wondering if Bikram was pulling a fast one and there really was no Mr. Blue...I was standing about three people away from him, and I saw him fix his arms, so yes, Bikram really DID see Mr. Blue. No joke, no bluff, unbelieveable!
There are a few students who stand out by way of their appearance and thank goodness I am NOT one of them. Because these easily-identified students are "easy targets" in class. There is "Miss Korea," "Miss Cleopatra," and the "High School Boy." All are women. High School Boy is a lovely young woman with beautiful postures who has a very short hair cut. Fortunately, she is also a good sport, and has accepted her new name.
All of these people are characters in "the Wonderland." Like the Mad Hatter or the Queen of Hearts. We are all in it together.
So, I presented my Half Moon dialogue in front of 357 people and Bikram on Thursday. I was number 170 and I was able to squeeze my presentation in just prior to dismissal at 4:00. I think this was a good thing, because Bikram must've been tired and ready for a break. I got a quick, "Very good...no comments...NEXT!" from him. My roommate was right after me and was also given good feedback before we all were released to return to our rooms to prepare for evening class. Whew. What a relief to have that behind me! I was more anxious than I had anticipated about the whole thing.
Standing and waiting to take the microphone and get up on the stage had me sweating, my throat was dry, I felt a bit nauseous, my legs were shaking as I walked across the stage...amazing!! A grown woman of my age being so nervous. While I felt my voice shaking, legs shaking, hands sweating, stuff coming out of my mouth and not knowing WHAT I was saying...the words were coming out and the four students who were demonstrating were doing the posture...my friends in the lecture hall all said that I sounded confident and great and that they would take my class any time! Wow! Great!
Bikram gives everyone feedback, the good, the bad, the ugly, but mainly, the truth. He gives constructive criticism and we all listen and learn from what he says as everyone goes up to present. After about 150 people, when a few folks would get stuck, someone in the audience would shout out the next word, giving our fellow students some help in order to get them out of their stressful situation. Bikram turned around after a while of this happening and he was smiling from ear to ear. He talked to us about how we haven't even known each other for a week and we are helping each other. He was very proud of this, it was evident the way a parent will watch a child discover something for himself and then point it out. "Did you see what just happened? Do you see what is happening?"
Physically I'm feeling okay. This morning (Sunday) I woke up with a stiff neck and a lot of pain in my upper back. Michelle...uh...where is my personal massage therapist??? It has felt better as the day wears on and I hope it'll pass with the yoga classes this week. Something else will come up, I'm sure. I also have a twitchy muscle in my thigh. Just twitching for no apparent reason. But, I'm still standing. Physically okay after week one.
A few of us rented a car for the weekend. We found a place to do our laundry, visited a few stores to stock up on food and supplies for the room, ate some delicous food, and felt that we were "in control" for just a bit of time. Three grown women, all using their cell phone GPS systems, trying to locate Wal Mart or Target. Pretty funny. We had to laugh at ourselves. We also kept vocalizing how we were proud of ourselves for finding our way to the laundrymat, finding our way to the store, to the restaurant, or whatever. Hey! We are grown-ups! In a strange land. With strange people and strange roads. And we figured it out!! Now are prepared for the start of Week Two. At least we have established somewhat of a routine and figured out the "way to work things" as far as eating, getting around the hotel and local area, etc. That added a lot of stress to the first week. Hopefully that is gone.
Some good quotes from the past few days...
"All the money in the world is no good if you aren't happy."
"You can cheat the world by doing many things that are wrong. No one else may realize what you are doing, this cheating. But you can NEVER cheat yourself. You will know what you are doing. Your guilty conscious will always tell you that you are cheating. Don't cheat yourself. In yoga class, in life. Just do it. Do it the right way. Don't cheat. You gain nothing by cheating."
"The best food is NO FOOD." Ha Ha Ha. My Italian self has to laugh heartily at this one.
"As long as you live, you have nothing to lose. Ask me why (everyone says "WHY?"). Because you didn't have anything to START with. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain."
"Life in India is Hell. And yet the Indian people are loyal to their family and true to each other. It is because their life is like Hell. Until your life is like Hell, you don't appreciate how wonderful your life truly is."
"Miss Korea!! What are you doing? Get your ass in the chair!!!" (During awkward pose where you are supposed to sit down like you are sitting in a chair.)
So, there it is. Week One. I was able to skype with Mark and Maggie today, also my Mom and Dad and Alexis and her family. Seeing everyone was great, but it also seems that they all were giving my sympathetic looks. I'm sure I looked tired. I am tired. Going for a nap now. Taking it easy today. Getting ready to begin the second week.
Seeing that Maggie is happy and doing well makes things easier. I found that I got choked up today when Mark showed me the DOGS on skype. The DOGS were choking me up! Perhaps it's because I know they can't understand where I am and I'm feeling sorry for them. Who knows? The emotions are just what they are. I am just letting them "be."
It seems that time will not allow me to blog more than one time a week, so that'll have to be the best I hope to do.
I cannot close this post without saying that reading all of the comments and receiving emails from home is SO encouraging. I can feel the support from all of you who are communicating with me in some form or another. It makes me feel like I am really "someone" and not just one of 358 students being told what to do, when to do it, and where I don't know anyone who really knows who I am or what kind of person I am. That's been odd. To observe myself in this situation where I don't know anyone...to observe how I interact (or not) and how I choose to make friends (or not). It's interesting to see that I am not such a "people person" in my opinion, at least not at first. At first, I'm observing and watching and learning something from all kinds of people, some who are like me, most who are not. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Already I have met people who have incredible stories to tell. Some have had drug or alcohol problems, some emotional or physical problems, there is so much we don't know about people. Everyone has a story that makes them who they are. And you just don't know by looking at someone or by watching them interact. You just don't know where they've been in their life in order to bring them to this point where they look like they do, act like they act, think like they think. It's made me more accepting and compassionate towards people. Already I'm understanding that to pass judgements based upon initial observations is a waste of energy. Eveyone has someting to offer. Everyone.
I am thinking of you all and counting the days until I can see you all again. You all offer me so much and I am thankful for having you in my life.
Alice has now found her way around the Wonderland. I'm sure things will be more difficult this week for her. But she will reach out to her new friends for help, receive love and support from her old friends back at home, and she'll make it back here to give another report. On another day. Right now Alice is tired and needs some sleep.
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