Broken Umbrella

For those of you who don't take Bikram yoga classes, let me explain the title of this week's post, "Broken Umbrella." There is a posture in the standing series called "Balancing Stick" in which you are standing on one leg and bending forward from the waist, arms clasped tight over your head and stretching toward the front wall (mirrors) and the foot of the leg you're not standing on pointed and stretching toward the back wall behind you. You are supposed to stretch and stretch and stretch yourself in opposite directions to make your body look like a "T" like in "Tom" and NOT like a "broken umbrella." We even had a demonstration of the proper form during Week 1 where Bikram pulled some poor fella from class, made him come up front where everyone could see, and then called upon one student to pull his arms one way and a second student to pull his legs the opposite direction, showing us and the poor fella how a proper Balancing Stick posture should look and feel. I think the guy was a couple of inches taller when they were finished.

This week for me, at least on Monday and Tuesday...were definitely "broken umbrella days." I was at the bottom of whatever my bottom has been so far. And I know it's only Week Two...seven more to go (not that I am counting).

Even though I had some crying episodes last week during morning classes, this was worse. On Tuesday, I do believe if someone had pulled up a limo (or a Pinto or even a "serial killer van" for that matter) and offered me a ride home, I would've JUMPED right in. Get me OUT of here!!!

I wanted Marcia back. WHO was this miserable weepy person, walking around like an empty shell...this was NOT me and although I didn't like feeling this way, I had no control over my emotions. They were just coming out. Dripping down my face for whoever was unfortunate enough to look at me, speak to me, sit next to me, practice next to me in class, anyone.

Sigh.

I described this sort of feeling on my FaceBook page as "Roadkill Pose." I guess that after only two weeks of "everything yoga," it seemed fitting to describe my state of being as it would apply to a yoga posture. I need to make up dialogue for this pose. Some instructions so that maybe I can teach it in my class some day to the students. I think it might go something like..."lay down on the floor, curl your body up, but not too tight, face down, belly down, arms and legs limp, breathing shallow...eyes half open and swollen. (That would be the set up part.) Take a deep breath, inhale, GASP for air if you need to, suck your stomach in...and cry. And cry. And cry. Continuously keep crying. Don't stop crying. Now cry, and cry, and cry, and CRY...last chance to CRY! (dramatic pause)...stay there, on the floor, do NOT come up until you feel a little better. Maybe in a few minutes. Maybe in a few hours. Maybe in a few days. Eventually you'll be hungry enough to have to get up from the floor."

Fortunately, for every "bottom" there is a top, and so after I came out of Roadkill Pose which lasted most of Monday night and all day Tuesday, I started the next posture. Wednesday was "Soaring Airplane Pose." You get the idea. I felt pretty good on Wednesday. Happiness returned. "Marcia" returned. Thank goodness. My Bikram Yoga Richmond teachers told me that this was a "roller coaster ride" full of ups and downs. I guess this is what they mean.

Now I look forward to each day wondering "which posture" I'll be in that day. And knowing that if it is indeed a "Roadkill" kind of day, the next one might just be "Soaring Airplane." Or at least "Twin Engine Prop." Something like that.

We had some severe weather here in Vegas this week. High winds with strong gusts caused evening classes to be canceled two days in a row. People around me were complaining about missing class. Secretly, I was happy for the break. I can handle one class a day mid week. I know it's going to get harder, so I'm enjoying the "light week" while I can.

We completed presenting Half Moon for Bikram this week. We were rewarded with a pizza party at the start of evening lecture. We are happy to have this milestone behind us. We will break into smaller groups in the coming weeks for posture clinics to present the other postures and receive coaching from the senior teachers and staff here.

A very nice gentleman presented his dialogue today on the stage and Bikram said he did a good job but he "looked like a terrorist." Bikram suggested that he shave. All of us in the audience in the lecture tent said "Awwwww...because this fellow is sweet and loved by everyone who speaks to him, very friendly." Bikram got upset with us...waved his arm and said to the guy, "Don't you listen to THEM. They will lie to you. Everyone will lie to you. Your mother is the first one to lie to you. Then your father lies to you. Your grandmother, your grandfather, your sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers...EVERYONE lies to you. What good is lying? It does you no good. All those people who lie to you...they are not your friends. I will tell you the TRUTH. I am the best friend you ever had." He is referring, of course, to the polite kinds of lies people tell like "Oh...what a cute baby," when really the baby might be not-so-cute. Or, "Oh what a great job you are doing in school!" when actually getting Bs and Cs might not be ideal. Or..."No, Honey...that dress does NOT make you look fat." Again, you get the idea. So, Bikram tells us all the time that HE is our best friend because HE will not lie to us. He will do us a favor by telling us the truth. We all laugh at this, of course.

Sometimes it's nice to hear a little complimentary lie once in a while.

Hard to believe that Week Two is now over. I feel like this was the warm-up period and that we were given time to adjust to the schedule, find our way around as far as laundry goes, and ease into class (physically).

I am a little apprehensive for Week Three, but will not worry about it until it is here. Bikram is away this week and Emmy is coming. Emmy is the principal of Bikram's Yoga College. She is 82 years old and apparently we are about to be amazed by what she can do (her postures) as well as her method of teaching (roaming around, sneaking up on us, taking us by surprise and killing us). "Emmy is coming" is what all of the teachers have been saying this with a sort of evil little smile. They won't say any more. They just smile. Bikram is the only one who has actually told us what is going to happen when Emmy arrives. Of course...because he won't lie to us. He is the best friend we ever had. He said something like...when Emmy gets here, she will take you and cut you up into pieces, throw you into the blender and put it on high speed, make a strawberry milkshake out of you...then she will DRINK you. Then there is an evil laugh...

I had a salad in one of the hotel cafes this week during an extra long dinner break which we were having due to the evening class being canceled (high winds). It was a Thai salad that came with chopsticks and a fortune cookie.

Get ready.

This was freaky.

The fortune inside my cookie said..."Your goal will be met in two months."

I KNOW!

Totally freaked out. I taped it into my notebook (because, of course, I brought a roll of scotch tape just in case I would be needing it).

Week Two was followed by a nice and restful weekend. We were dismissed from posture clinic at 11:00 on Friday night, so we had three glorious nights of sleep in a row. No extra-late nights this weekend. I feel rested and ready to start all over again, Week Three. The studying of the next few postures is taking every waking moment of my time, as I have to be ready to present these at posture clinic this week. I am still trying to find my "method" of memorization, and a little apprehensive about whether it's really sinking into my brain or not. All I can do is try.

My roommate and I shared a rental car along with a third friend this weekend and we ran our errands to the grocery store, Target, and the laundry mat. Simple things like having clean clothes are making me feel better. We got back to our room after running errands and put all of our stuff away. She and I had a good laugh at the complete JOY I get out of "arranging" my stuff, putting things away, keeping things tidy. I'm starting to call myself "Felix," from the Odd Couple. Or perhaps a more modern day name would be "Monk." What can I say? It's the only thing I have control over that makes me happy right now. Gotta take what I can! Last night we had pizza in our room and watched some of a movie on TV and studied. Felt a bit like college days. No...felt a LOT like college days. It was great.

Physically I am starting to feel some issues creeping up. Just when I was getting all confident about feeling good...saying things to myself like "Oh...I feel okay physically...some sore muscles, but nothing debilitating...good for me!" By Saturday morning class at the end of Week Two, my knees were talking to me...asking me what was I thinking taking 19 classes in 2 weeks. Just goes to show you that you shouldn't get too overconfident. But, sleep and Advil and rest from yoga class has made them feel normal again. I continue to not push myself too too hard in class, as I don't want to have an injury to deal with.

Also, physically, I am feeling puffy. Can't think of a better way to describe it. Several other women I've talked to are also feeling puffy. Could it be the bagel with Jif Extra Crunchy peanut butter and an iced latte every day after morning class last week? Could it be 5-cheese pizza from Saturday night? Could it be peanut M&Ms? I'm thinking that all of this might have something to do with it.

Which brings me to another subject. Eating. I'm eating without monitoring every single calorie. Unusual for me. For the past two (okay...more than two) years, I've been a faithful Weight Watchers member and tracked my calories always... So, now, here, it just seems impossible to add that to all the things I have to think about and worry about and study about. So, no calorie counting for me. I don't eat much during the week anyway, mostly due to being too tired and/or too close to having to take class.

Mentally, so far, things are okay. I'm missing home and missing Mark and Maggie, of course, but there is so much to keep me busy here that there is little time to "think" about what I'm missing. It's just like 90 minute yoga class. If you think too much, your mind will become your worst enemy instead of your best friend. I find that on Sundays I am missing them the most. I guess it's because that is my day to think.

I am already learning things about myself and about people, just by being in a group of 360 and watching and observing how things work, how people interact, and how I interact with them. Or not. I see some "groups" forming and I am not "in" any of them, which is, as far as I recall, how I seem to operate in my life. I look back at high school and college and even my time teaching and it seems that I am a person who operates on the "outside" of the group(s). I'm looking at this as a sort of a gift. At least that's my way of putting a positive spin on how I am operating here. Maybe I am a person who can relate with all of the groups, not locked into one or another. Isn't that good? To be able to relate to the groups. To not be locked in?

Bikram lectured this week on discrimination. His opinion is that discrimination is the one thing that causes all of the problems in the world. So, he was talking about how we should try not to discriminate against anyone based on their race, religion, the way they look, whatever. I watch people here and I see how easily and quickly they make judgements based on nothing, really. They don't even know they are doing it. Passing judgement before knowing anything about a person. I've met all kinds of people here with all kinds of backgrounds and life experiences that make them "the way they are." It's fascinating how your life experiences shape the person that you become as you grow older. So, another lesson learned this week...don't judge people before you get to know them. Always give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't know what kind of day they are having, what kind of week, month, year, life, or whatever. And if they are rude to you or don't give back to you what you think they should, just let them be. They are not ready yet. Don't judge. Don't try to change them. Just smile and be happy that you might have been a bright spot in their day, and move on. You can't control them or their feelings, and you shouldn't try to. You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself.

So, there it is. Week Two report. I think I've covered just about everything there is to cover. Now I'm off to study. Hope some of the postures will stick in my underused brain! I hope that one of them will be the "T like in Tom" and NOT the broken umbrella.

Some quotes from the week:

"Don't change the words of the dialogue. The words are there for a reason. It's like a song. You don't sing 'Raindrops keep falling on my ASS...' am I right?? So, you use the words of the dialogue exactly as they are written and your students will understand exactly what to do!"

"Having doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to use it."

Bikram, "Am I right?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

Bikram, "You got my point?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

"Smile...it doesn't cost you anything."

"It takes 43 muscles in the face to make a frown. It takes 3 to smile."