Am I Supposed To Be Somewhere?

Wandering around the hotel, exploring. Day One. I found a quiet spot in a seating area near the East Tower Elevators. Not many people, just one guy on another sofa studying dialogue.

Oops. Should I be studying dialogue?

I'm in a daze. I don't know what to do with myself right now. It's 11:00 and I've walked around the interior of the hotel to explore. Getting set to go outside now and see what the pool area is like, not that I want to be in the sun.

I feel like I "should" be somewhere. Doing something. But I don't know where. Or what. Or how to get there.

I spent the morning unpacking my things and doing a lot of arranging. For those of you who know me, you will smile and know that this process alone was a comfort and made me feel somewhat better about being here. I have places for my things now and everything is put away nicely, so I feel a bit "moved in." Amazing how the small processes like this make you feel comfort.

Susan the llama is on my bed. She looks very comfy. I'm glad that Mag chose her for me to bring along.

I just came through the elevator and the older couple who were getting out as I was getting in said a cheery good morning. They looked like they were so happy to be in Vegas. When I got in the elevator, I smelled Bloke. Obviously the gentleman had just had a fresh spray of Axe. Normally overwhelming enough to make me cough at home and become irritated, wondering if Bloke has some kind of olfactory problem that he doesn't realize how strong that smell is, it was a comforting scent for a change. I had to smile at my change of heart concerning this familiar scent. I'm making strides already!

Debating about how to get out and "stock up" on groceries, coconut water, other survival items. This is yet another step which I know will give me some comfort.

I'm sensing that I have some control issues. Not like I didn't know that...but I guess I just feel so OUT of control of everything right now that anything I CAN control is going to bring me peace. The only thing I have are my things. I can control them.

I'm so happy to have my laptop here. So happy that Mark thought of this. It's another comfort to me...makes me feel like I'm not so out of touch. Although I'm sure that part of this process is to take you OUT of "touch." I'll fight it as long as I can.

I think I should be studying dialogue. I think I should "be" somewhere.

Maybe just for these couple of hours, while I can, I should enjoy NOT having the schedule. I know it's coming. I know it'll be wearing me down soon enough.

So, maybe I am not supposed to be somewhere right now. Maybe, for now, I am supposed to be right here, on this sofa, in the quiet, just observing, thinking, being thankful for the chance to grow with whatever is in store for me in the coming weeks.

Oh...and the guy who was studying dialogue on the other couch? He apparently fell asleep (go figure) and was just tapped by the hotel security guard..."Can't sleep here!" Poor fella. He immediately got up and went somewhere...wonder if he's got somewhere to be?