Roller Coasters and Ear Plugs

Well, here's the thing.

One of the reasons I began writing this blog was because reading the blogs of other teacher trainees who went before me was inspiring and comforting. I read through what they wrote and connected with many of them on many levels. I felt that "they did it, so maybe I could too." And I felt like I sort of knew how things went here because they wrote about it in their blog posts. So, in a way, they helped to prepare me for the teacher training experience.

So, one of my reasons for this was to do my "yoga" and help someone else.

Uh...major revelation this week. Giving myself a big "Duh!" right now. Because the truth is that there is absolutely no way to describe what happens here at training adequately to anyone other than someone who has already been through it. AND...I'm only three weeks in. So my "description" doesn't even really qualify as a "description" yet.

So, the question is...am I helping in any way? Or am I just helping myself by getting my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen.

Conclusion...I could really use the help right now, so I'll just take the "helping myself" part (because there are times when I need all the help I can get) and if there is someone out there who benefits from reading my thoughts, then that is just icing on the cake. Cheese on the pizza. Syrup on the pancakes.

Can you tell it's almost dinner time here?

Week Three has passed. I've been trying to think of a "theme" for the week. What will I title this Sunday's blog post? How did it go this week? Is there a central feeling or mood that describes this third week of training?

I guess it would be "roller coaster ride." This is the way so many teachers described what it feels like to be here. And I thought...okay. This means that some days you are "up" and other days you are "down." Some classes are "good" and some classes are "bad." Right? I can handle this. I've been on roller coasters.

Only, one small tiny little problem.

I don't like roller coasters any more.

In fact, I go out of my way to avoid them. Like the plague. Seriously.

NO roller coasters EVER again in my life.

Who needs 'em?

Why waste my time on 'em?

Those things are for thrill-seekers.

I'm over that.

I don't do that any more.

Uh...well, it would seem that, unfortunately, I am on a coaster right now. And the ride is far from over. And I am locked in. Unable to get off. I have to just breathe and ride and make it to the end.

So far, I've had ups and downs. The ups have been WAY up and the downs have been WAY down. My stomach has been turning. And I have felt like throwing up on several occasions. That's all roller coaster stuff, right?

The week started off great here. Monday was a good day (as I think all Mondays will be...rested and well-fed from the weekend). We had afternoon anatomy lectures with Dr. Jim Preddy, who is an ER doctor here in Vegas as well as an anatomy teacher and he is the American version of my brother-in-law Alan. Dr. P as he is affectionately known by all of us here, is a very loveable teddy bear kind of a guy with a great sense of humor and a big talent for teaching. He has taken yoga class with us twice this week and we are all so happy to have him in class with us, giving him a better understanding of what happens in 90 minute yoga class and how it relates to what he is teaching us. Evenings have been full of posture clinic, where we deliver our dialogue to a few demonstrators who do the posture so we can connect the words with the bodies and get some good practice for one day when we teach. Bedtime has been reasonable this week, no late night lectures, so you would think that the week would be a breeze.

Just goes to show you that you should have NO expectations.

Ever.

Never think you know what you're getting into because you just might be wrong.

After Monday, things just progressively went downhill. Down the biggest roller coaster hill. All the way down, all the way down...

Tuesday came with high temperatures here in Vegas. High temperatures outside, much like the low temperatures for the past two weeks which made the tent cold...have made the tent HOT. HOT. Like, Tuesday night, when we entered the yoga tent, we were all checking the little thermometer at the back and it said 128 when I walked past it. That is enough to give anyone a bit of a mental issue right before class. So, I just took it easy during class. WAY easy. Like, flat on my butt easy. People were dropping like flies all around me. The heat is ON here and I would like to believe that this is our "transitional period" of getting used to it. Much like when the weather changes in Richmond in the Spring...and the humidity starts to creep up and everyone starts suffering from "Oh MY GOD it's hot in the yoga room what are those crazy teachers trying to do to us" syndrome. And then, after a couple of weeks, we all get used to it and it's fine. I'm hoping (and, okay...well...praying) that this is all that is happening. Maybe Week Three is a transitional temperature week? Perhaps Week Four will be easier cuz I'll be used to the heat?

Emmy, the Bikram yoga legend, who is 82 and quite amazing, has been teaching our morning classes all week. She does not stand up on the podium. Instead, she wanders around and you never know exactly where she is in the room and/or when she will sneak up on you and fix your posture. Keeps you on your toes. She has some very good tips about precision of alignment in the postures and she has given our afternoon lecture a few times this week to expand upon this. One of the most significant points that she made this week was that we all get into bad habits with our postures. We may be slightly misaligned in triangle, for example, where there is so much room for error. And once the body gets used to that misalignment, we continue to do the posture that way, developing bad habits which can lead to injury. This is why it is so important to listen in class and do exactly as the instructor says...and to really think about your alignment. It's not your goal to make the posture "look perfect." Your goal is to execute the posture with proper alignment and intention to the best of your ability ON THAT GIVEN DAY. That is what gets the results that you want without injury. Might take a week, a month, a year...but you'll get there. I'm always discussing this issue with Mark (well...okay...arguing my point actually) at home. Perhaps it is the "male vs. female" thing?

He will come home from class and say "I did okay, but I didn't do insert-a-posture-name-here and insert-another-posture-name-here."

Then, I say..."You mean you sat out those postures?"

Then he says, "Uh...no, I just didn't get all the way back (or forward or touch my head on my knee, or whatever is necessary to make the posture look like, well, the posture, you get the idea)."

Then I go all "postal" on him and try to lecture about "it's not what it looks like, it's HOW you do it...you don't need to be perfect LOOKING, you just need to be trying the right way."

We end up agreeing to disagree here. But now that I am learning from Emmy this week, I know that I am right. :) Sorry, Honey. No one messes with what Emmy says.

One afternoon lecture was Emmy asking volunteers to come up on stage and get help with their triangle postures. People were rushing up there and she was fixing them all. Many were making faces of pain and torture as she was pushing their arm one way, torso another way, head another way. But we are all grateful to Emmy. She's everyone's grandmother and we are all very respectful of her, as she is of us.

Wednesday morning class was another tough one for me. The heat was up again in the room and our group was moved to the front two rows. We are now alternating rows in the yoga room so that each day you are on a different row. I ususally hang out in the middle to back rows, near a side of the room so that I can see the side of the room and not be immersed in the middle of 360 people. So, it was the first time I got to see myself in the mirror since Week One. Scary sight! I'm not looking so attractive. I see people all around me looking pretty good. They have cute yoga outfits and bright eyes and shiny hair. And they are all skinny. You can actually see their muscles. Me? Right now, I'm sort of looking like a pasty version of the person I thought I looked like. My hair is turning a sort of brassy color, complete with gray roots popping out. This looks particularly attractive when all pulled back from my face, the curly and frizzy parts sticking up all around my head like some evil halo. And then there is the lighting in the yoga tent, which seems to make me look even more pale than my Slovak heritage allows. That, and avoiding the sun like the plague. I don't think I am losing weight, as discussed previously in the "puffy" section of last week's blog post. In fact, I'm thinking that my "corporation" is getting larger and I am wearing more long yoga tops now instead of the short ones that I brought.

Oh...the "corporation?" This is what Emmy affectionatley calls the stomach. She was teaching this week and in several postures where you do a forward bend, you may be able to get your forehead on your knee a little better if you "don't have a large corporation."

Thursday and Friday classes are a blur to me. It was hot. I was tired. Some digestion issues caused some dehydration for which I was given Pedialite. I now have a nice bottle of Pedialite handy at all times. I still have some issues with my stomach and am hoping that they settle down, as taking two classes a day while eating the "BRAT" diet does not seem very doable. I will continue to take it easy in class and do what I can, rest when I can, cry if I need to. It's all a matter of letting out the frustration, I think. A good cry at the end of class just sort of comes out. And then I feel much better. Amazing. I don't even know why the crying happens. I hope that will be part of a lecture in the weeks to come.

So, bottom line, this week classes got harder, mainly due to the fact that the heat was higher. And for some reason, my digestive tract sort of exploded. I had heard that this happens to people sometime during the training, but of course I didn't think it was going to happen to me.

Again...why I am thinking and anticipating is beyond me. You think I would know better by now. Don't think ahead. Don't anticipate. JUST like in 90 minute yoga class. Let someone else think for you (in this case, the teacher).

Worst part of the digestive tract issues...dehydration. Best part...

...

...

I'm waiting for something to come into my head for "best part."

Maybe later it will come.

Otherwise physically my knees are still slightly "talking" to me. Nothing major, just a little chatter. Actually, they feel best during class, so I am glad for the two classes per day.

We have 30 classes in so far. Three weeks down. The yoga classes are actually the best part of the day. You are in your own space, under your own control. You're not sitting in a chair for several hours in lecture. Or on the floor for several hours in posture clinic. You are moving, you are finding some space and some peace. One of the two classes is usually taught by a very dialogue based teacher, so it helps to hear the dialogue over and over again. If I can stay physically healthy, it will be a good thing. If I can get my digestion back on the right track, it will help a lot.

But enough about my physical ailments.

Let's get mental.

That is going pretty okay. (Well...I know...all the crying? Something is clearly up with that, but I think that is coming more from all the yoga and from being so tired and having no control over my weekday life, so I feel I can say that "mentally" I really am doing okay.) I get to talk with Maggie each day (see schedule...5 or 10 whole minutes!) and she is always sounding great and happy, so that makes me feel good. She always answers with "Awesome!" when I ask her how her day was. Can't get better than that. Today when we were on Skype, she gave the computer a big hug and that made me happy as well.

Mark seems to be holding up okay. I know that having Taylor help out with Maggie is allowing him to stay at work and hopefully not feel too overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities of work and single parenthood. I am grateful for Taylor, our baby-sitter, who is a big part of helping him with Maggie.

I miss them so.

Let me be a responsible writer and answer a question.

So, the typical day here at teacher training...someone posed this question and I feel responsible to answer. At least I can speak for the first weeks of training. So far, the schedule is something like this...

7:00 alarm goes off

7:15 second alarm goes off

7:15 roommate's alarm also goes off

7:25 drag myself out of bed, have a "wake-up" shower, get dressed for yoga class

7:45 prepare beverages for yoga class, one water, one electrolyte beverage of some type

7:55 walk to yoga "compound" in rear area of the hotel

8:00 sign in for class (this is VITAL...if you forget, you have to do an extra make-up class on Saturday directly after Saturday's morning class)

8:05 get a good spot in the yoga room, lay down mat and stake claim to the spot (usually near the end as to avoid claustrophobia)

8:10 study for a few minutes

8:30 yoga class starts, 90 minutes

10:15 - 10:30 depending on how much extra stuff the teacher threw into class, return to hotel room, shower and eat something.

Study time.

11:30 prepare backpack with water and snacks for afternoon lecture

11:45 walk to lecture room in the "yoga compound" area

12:00 sign in for afternoon lecture (again...VITAL to sign in)

12:30 afternoon lecture until 4:00

2:30ish..break time for eating snack, using restroom, calling Maggie

2:45 break over

4:00 rush back to hotel room to change and prepare water bottles for class

4:25 walk back to yoga compound

4:30 sign in for afternoon yoga class, find spot for the mat

4:35 study for a few minutes

5:00 yoga class starts, 90 minutes

6:45-ish return to hotel room to shower and eat (maybe go to the hotel buffet or a restaurant if there is time)

8:30 sign in for evening lecture or posture clinic

9:00 posture clinic/lecture until...11:00, midnight, or later, depending on the subject matter and who is lecturing

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Next day, repeat the same process.

Ever see the movie "Groundhog Day?"

On Saturday, the alarm goes off at 6:45 and I get up by 7:00, drag myself to shower and out the door by 7:30 to sign in for 8:00 class. We are then released after 8:00 class (it's usually near 10:00 by the time we get done).

We return to the room to shower and eat, then head out for doing laundry and any grocery shopping or errands. It's easier to eat in the room due to time constraints during the week, so we get stuff to make lunch and easy dinners during the week, then eat out on the weekends.

Sunday is a day of "luxury" because you can sleep in and there is no schedule. You just plan your own. Normally, you are feeling rested and are able to study and spend some time communicating with home. Sunday is my day to clean up my blog thoughts from the week and post them.

This week, we did not do the car rental thing on Saturday (thus the early blog posting!). Saved some time and money and gained an entire day on Saturday to study by sending the laundry out with a guy who comes to pick it up near the yoga tent around noon on Saturday and returns it to the same location on Sunday. This seems like a good deal...saving a lot of time. But, I haven't yet seen the results, so am not sure if it's really a good deal or not. At this point, if I don't ever see those yoga clothes again, I won't miss them too much.

I'm finding a few minutes during the week to type some thoughts here and then on Sunday try to compose it all in some semblence of order and post it. I hope I'm not rambling too much.

On the other hand, a few rambling thoughts from the week follow here. Some are my own, many are those that Emmy shared with us during class or afternoon lecture.

No one told me before I came here that Coca Cola is the BEST medicine EVER invented. Who invented this stuff and where have they been hiding it? I'm not talking about the Diet Coke stuff. Or the caffiene free stuff. This is real, actual, original, Coke. Ahhhhhhhh.

The final 30 minutes of your yoga class IS your yoga. The first part is just the warm-up. The final 30 minutes of class is where you "take from the pantry" (again...Emmy). You will burn more fat in the final 30 minutes, so don't waste it by being lazy. Use up your pantry. You don't need all of the stuff you have in there!

"Lazy" is a favorite word of Emmy's. :)

In a posture, hold the stretch long enough to disarm the "stretch reflex." Stretch to your edge and HOLD IT (this is why your teacher tells you to "hold it" at the exact moment when you are ready to give it up). The reflex is designed by the body to protect it. If you actually hold it at the end, you are training your muscles to stretch just a little bit farther NEXT time. Think of the cumulative effect that will have!

You don't need ego gratification. That gets you nowhere. The object of the posture is NOT the "perfect" posture.

We only have 25 more days to survive. We will not count weekends, as they are mostly free. We will not count Week Nine, as we will be so happy then, that it won't matter what happens. So, we will only count the next five weeks, without weekends, that's twenty-five days!!! That seems pretty doable! Not that anyone is counting. We are not supposed to count.

Someone always says, one of the visiting teachers or a staff member here, at least every other day or so..."You will never have the chance to do this again...stay in the moment and enjoy it. Nine weeks of your life. Never will happen again." And we all have our own personal response...in our heads, of course, and not out loud. Something like "Thank You, Jesus!" "Praise the Lord!" Something like that.

Karen and Pavida are coming next weekend for teacher recertification. I am SO excited to see familiar faces from home. It will get me through next week, I know it. I will look forward to their visit all week and enjoy being with friends over the weekend when we have a chance to get together. Plus, I can try to beat them up. After all...they started this whole thing. I can still see them behind the teacher desk at Stony Point telling me that I could do this. Hmmmmmm.

And finally...earplugs. My new best friends here. Staying in the hotel, you never know whether the room next to you (which happens to be a suite in my case) will have noisy guests or quiet guests. When your neighbors are watching very LOUD television at 3:30 in the morning, it is vital that you have a method of quieting that down. Sleep is such an elusive thing here. So, earplugs have been my salvation this week. This was a tip that I read somewhere on a list of "what to bring" that was posted by a former teacher trainee. A nice quiet room and peaceful sleep is just two little squishy foamy tubes away.

Sit Down. Stay Down There.

Wednesday night, a few of us decided that we needed to eat "real food" and so after 5:00 yoga class and a quick shower, we went down to one of the hotel restaurants where they have counter service. This is about the fastest way to get restaurant food here in the hotel and time is at such a premium with our schedule here, so the faster, the better. The restaurant was busy and packed with tourists and many yogis as well. We sat at the counter and were joined by two lovely Austrailian women, also here participating in teacher training. After I asked the obligatory Crocodile Hunter questions (I have no shame...I loved Steve), we had a lovely chat about how we are doing so far. We ordered our food and then chatted some more. It was so nice to sit and laugh and chat. And chat. And chat...and....okay...now we've all gotten to know each other and we really are looking forward to eating some food. Where could the food be?

We are hungry.

More chatting.

We started watching the corner of the counter where the waitress would appear from out of nowhere with trays of food. She would continually bypass us. We sat and watched the corner. Just sitting.

Watching.

Looking at the food on the trays and talking about it.

Watching.

Waiting for our food.

Watching that corner.

Our revelation at this moment???

"This is what your DOG must feel like when he's waiting for you to feed him!!"

Second revelation?

"In fact...I think that what we are experiencing right now during this teacher training is VERY much like what a dog must feel like during his lifetime!"

Third revelation?

"So, are we, in fact...DOGS?"

After a few hearty laughs, we continued to bring our world-apart brains together in order to make comparisons as to how we are "dogs" here. Not in such a bad way.

Okay, some of it is bad, but not all of it...you have to find the humor or you'll never make it through.

Let me expand upon the whole dog theory.

I don't know about those of you who are reading this...well, actually I DO know about a lot of you who are reading this and I know how your dogs are treated and as a matter of fact, in my next life, I wouldn't mind returning AS your dog...but that is another blog post. So, I don't know about "some" of you who are reading this, but our personal dogs at home are pretty much treated like royalty, so if you think about it, being a "dog" isn't always a bad thing.

It's just a little restricting.

Example...you don't have a lot of control. You have to listen to your person/people and be a good obedient dog in order to have a happy life (avoiding flying rolled-up newspapers and the like). You do what your told to do, when you are told to do it, you eat when food is provided for you at the appointed time and place, you stay on a strict schedule and have appointed potty breaks, you pretty much stay in one location and you get to go out for "walks" on the weekends if you are lucky and if your person has time. There are other "dogs" that you can relate to and play with in a contained location. Sometimes you even live with another dog. You don't get to choose your companion because your person chose for you. You just have to learn to get along with each other. There are some breeds that you don't really care for, some of them are biters, some are barkers, some are hyper, some just plain mean, and some are relaxed and mellow. Sometimes you like to play together. Other times you want to just be left alone (and don't disturb me or I'll bite you without warning!)

Even some of the directions we tell the students in order that they position themselves correctly in a particular yoga posture lend themselves to the tone of command one uses when training a dog. "Sit Down...Stay Down There!" That's in Eagle pose. Sort of dog like directions. How many times have you told your dog to sit and stay?

See?

I have a mental picture in my mind of our dog Angus, who is now 13 years old. He's a wire-haired dachshund and was our first "baby." He has self-esteem issues, poor thing, and as a result, he does not play well with others, persons and canines alike. Well, back in the days when he was a young puppy and both Mark and I were working all day, I used to drop him off at the doggy daycare (I know, I know...just go with it) a few times a week. When I would pull up to pick him up at the end of the day, he would be all alone, sitting in the corner of the fence closest to the parking lot. And he would be just looking.

Looking and waiting.

Sitting and waiting.

For me to come and pick him up.

"Was he like this all day?" I would ask the trainers when I arrived at 4:00 to get him. And, of course, they would say that he was not...but I know he pretty much that he was. Just sitting and waiting for me.

So, sometimes I feel just like him. Either sitting and waiting for my food to arrive. Or looking off into the distance and the near future for when MY family will come to pick me up. If I am a good dog, I am rewarded with a good day. Either way, it's not so bad to live a dog's life.

At least not for a little while.

I do look forward to being a human again. Eventually. One day. In the future.

Thankful

Today is the fifty-ninth wedding anniversary of my parents.

I am so grateful for them and for everything that they gave me growing up. Not material stuff, but the love and supportive atmosphere that I didn't even realize I was lucky enough to have. I am grateful that they found each other fifty-nine years ago (well, more I guess, if you want to be technical) and stayed together raising four children through times that I know must've been difficult sometimes.

I feel as though I have had everything I could ever have wanted in this life of mine so far. And I know it is because of what my parents gave me. The foundation that they gave to me that allows me to be a strong person, to believe in myself, to choose right over wrong.

Being here among so many different people from all over the world and all kinds of backgrounds, as I have said before, has made me even more thankful for them.

So, God Bless Mom and Dad today, on their 59th wedding anniversary. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for what they have given to me. I hope I can instill the "whatever it is" (seems like a kind of magic to me) in my own child and that she will feel as fortunate as I do one day.

Broken Umbrella

For those of you who don't take Bikram yoga classes, let me explain the title of this week's post, "Broken Umbrella." There is a posture in the standing series called "Balancing Stick" in which you are standing on one leg and bending forward from the waist, arms clasped tight over your head and stretching toward the front wall (mirrors) and the foot of the leg you're not standing on pointed and stretching toward the back wall behind you. You are supposed to stretch and stretch and stretch yourself in opposite directions to make your body look like a "T" like in "Tom" and NOT like a "broken umbrella." We even had a demonstration of the proper form during Week 1 where Bikram pulled some poor fella from class, made him come up front where everyone could see, and then called upon one student to pull his arms one way and a second student to pull his legs the opposite direction, showing us and the poor fella how a proper Balancing Stick posture should look and feel. I think the guy was a couple of inches taller when they were finished.

This week for me, at least on Monday and Tuesday...were definitely "broken umbrella days." I was at the bottom of whatever my bottom has been so far. And I know it's only Week Two...seven more to go (not that I am counting).

Even though I had some crying episodes last week during morning classes, this was worse. On Tuesday, I do believe if someone had pulled up a limo (or a Pinto or even a "serial killer van" for that matter) and offered me a ride home, I would've JUMPED right in. Get me OUT of here!!!

I wanted Marcia back. WHO was this miserable weepy person, walking around like an empty shell...this was NOT me and although I didn't like feeling this way, I had no control over my emotions. They were just coming out. Dripping down my face for whoever was unfortunate enough to look at me, speak to me, sit next to me, practice next to me in class, anyone.

Sigh.

I described this sort of feeling on my FaceBook page as "Roadkill Pose." I guess that after only two weeks of "everything yoga," it seemed fitting to describe my state of being as it would apply to a yoga posture. I need to make up dialogue for this pose. Some instructions so that maybe I can teach it in my class some day to the students. I think it might go something like..."lay down on the floor, curl your body up, but not too tight, face down, belly down, arms and legs limp, breathing shallow...eyes half open and swollen. (That would be the set up part.) Take a deep breath, inhale, GASP for air if you need to, suck your stomach in...and cry. And cry. And cry. Continuously keep crying. Don't stop crying. Now cry, and cry, and cry, and CRY...last chance to CRY! (dramatic pause)...stay there, on the floor, do NOT come up until you feel a little better. Maybe in a few minutes. Maybe in a few hours. Maybe in a few days. Eventually you'll be hungry enough to have to get up from the floor."

Fortunately, for every "bottom" there is a top, and so after I came out of Roadkill Pose which lasted most of Monday night and all day Tuesday, I started the next posture. Wednesday was "Soaring Airplane Pose." You get the idea. I felt pretty good on Wednesday. Happiness returned. "Marcia" returned. Thank goodness. My Bikram Yoga Richmond teachers told me that this was a "roller coaster ride" full of ups and downs. I guess this is what they mean.

Now I look forward to each day wondering "which posture" I'll be in that day. And knowing that if it is indeed a "Roadkill" kind of day, the next one might just be "Soaring Airplane." Or at least "Twin Engine Prop." Something like that.

We had some severe weather here in Vegas this week. High winds with strong gusts caused evening classes to be canceled two days in a row. People around me were complaining about missing class. Secretly, I was happy for the break. I can handle one class a day mid week. I know it's going to get harder, so I'm enjoying the "light week" while I can.

We completed presenting Half Moon for Bikram this week. We were rewarded with a pizza party at the start of evening lecture. We are happy to have this milestone behind us. We will break into smaller groups in the coming weeks for posture clinics to present the other postures and receive coaching from the senior teachers and staff here.

A very nice gentleman presented his dialogue today on the stage and Bikram said he did a good job but he "looked like a terrorist." Bikram suggested that he shave. All of us in the audience in the lecture tent said "Awwwww...because this fellow is sweet and loved by everyone who speaks to him, very friendly." Bikram got upset with us...waved his arm and said to the guy, "Don't you listen to THEM. They will lie to you. Everyone will lie to you. Your mother is the first one to lie to you. Then your father lies to you. Your grandmother, your grandfather, your sister, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers...EVERYONE lies to you. What good is lying? It does you no good. All those people who lie to you...they are not your friends. I will tell you the TRUTH. I am the best friend you ever had." He is referring, of course, to the polite kinds of lies people tell like "Oh...what a cute baby," when really the baby might be not-so-cute. Or, "Oh what a great job you are doing in school!" when actually getting Bs and Cs might not be ideal. Or..."No, Honey...that dress does NOT make you look fat." Again, you get the idea. So, Bikram tells us all the time that HE is our best friend because HE will not lie to us. He will do us a favor by telling us the truth. We all laugh at this, of course.

Sometimes it's nice to hear a little complimentary lie once in a while.

Hard to believe that Week Two is now over. I feel like this was the warm-up period and that we were given time to adjust to the schedule, find our way around as far as laundry goes, and ease into class (physically).

I am a little apprehensive for Week Three, but will not worry about it until it is here. Bikram is away this week and Emmy is coming. Emmy is the principal of Bikram's Yoga College. She is 82 years old and apparently we are about to be amazed by what she can do (her postures) as well as her method of teaching (roaming around, sneaking up on us, taking us by surprise and killing us). "Emmy is coming" is what all of the teachers have been saying this with a sort of evil little smile. They won't say any more. They just smile. Bikram is the only one who has actually told us what is going to happen when Emmy arrives. Of course...because he won't lie to us. He is the best friend we ever had. He said something like...when Emmy gets here, she will take you and cut you up into pieces, throw you into the blender and put it on high speed, make a strawberry milkshake out of you...then she will DRINK you. Then there is an evil laugh...

I had a salad in one of the hotel cafes this week during an extra long dinner break which we were having due to the evening class being canceled (high winds). It was a Thai salad that came with chopsticks and a fortune cookie.

Get ready.

This was freaky.

The fortune inside my cookie said..."Your goal will be met in two months."

I KNOW!

Totally freaked out. I taped it into my notebook (because, of course, I brought a roll of scotch tape just in case I would be needing it).

Week Two was followed by a nice and restful weekend. We were dismissed from posture clinic at 11:00 on Friday night, so we had three glorious nights of sleep in a row. No extra-late nights this weekend. I feel rested and ready to start all over again, Week Three. The studying of the next few postures is taking every waking moment of my time, as I have to be ready to present these at posture clinic this week. I am still trying to find my "method" of memorization, and a little apprehensive about whether it's really sinking into my brain or not. All I can do is try.

My roommate and I shared a rental car along with a third friend this weekend and we ran our errands to the grocery store, Target, and the laundry mat. Simple things like having clean clothes are making me feel better. We got back to our room after running errands and put all of our stuff away. She and I had a good laugh at the complete JOY I get out of "arranging" my stuff, putting things away, keeping things tidy. I'm starting to call myself "Felix," from the Odd Couple. Or perhaps a more modern day name would be "Monk." What can I say? It's the only thing I have control over that makes me happy right now. Gotta take what I can! Last night we had pizza in our room and watched some of a movie on TV and studied. Felt a bit like college days. No...felt a LOT like college days. It was great.

Physically I am starting to feel some issues creeping up. Just when I was getting all confident about feeling good...saying things to myself like "Oh...I feel okay physically...some sore muscles, but nothing debilitating...good for me!" By Saturday morning class at the end of Week Two, my knees were talking to me...asking me what was I thinking taking 19 classes in 2 weeks. Just goes to show you that you shouldn't get too overconfident. But, sleep and Advil and rest from yoga class has made them feel normal again. I continue to not push myself too too hard in class, as I don't want to have an injury to deal with.

Also, physically, I am feeling puffy. Can't think of a better way to describe it. Several other women I've talked to are also feeling puffy. Could it be the bagel with Jif Extra Crunchy peanut butter and an iced latte every day after morning class last week? Could it be 5-cheese pizza from Saturday night? Could it be peanut M&Ms? I'm thinking that all of this might have something to do with it.

Which brings me to another subject. Eating. I'm eating without monitoring every single calorie. Unusual for me. For the past two (okay...more than two) years, I've been a faithful Weight Watchers member and tracked my calories always... So, now, here, it just seems impossible to add that to all the things I have to think about and worry about and study about. So, no calorie counting for me. I don't eat much during the week anyway, mostly due to being too tired and/or too close to having to take class.

Mentally, so far, things are okay. I'm missing home and missing Mark and Maggie, of course, but there is so much to keep me busy here that there is little time to "think" about what I'm missing. It's just like 90 minute yoga class. If you think too much, your mind will become your worst enemy instead of your best friend. I find that on Sundays I am missing them the most. I guess it's because that is my day to think.

I am already learning things about myself and about people, just by being in a group of 360 and watching and observing how things work, how people interact, and how I interact with them. Or not. I see some "groups" forming and I am not "in" any of them, which is, as far as I recall, how I seem to operate in my life. I look back at high school and college and even my time teaching and it seems that I am a person who operates on the "outside" of the group(s). I'm looking at this as a sort of a gift. At least that's my way of putting a positive spin on how I am operating here. Maybe I am a person who can relate with all of the groups, not locked into one or another. Isn't that good? To be able to relate to the groups. To not be locked in?

Bikram lectured this week on discrimination. His opinion is that discrimination is the one thing that causes all of the problems in the world. So, he was talking about how we should try not to discriminate against anyone based on their race, religion, the way they look, whatever. I watch people here and I see how easily and quickly they make judgements based on nothing, really. They don't even know they are doing it. Passing judgement before knowing anything about a person. I've met all kinds of people here with all kinds of backgrounds and life experiences that make them "the way they are." It's fascinating how your life experiences shape the person that you become as you grow older. So, another lesson learned this week...don't judge people before you get to know them. Always give them the benefit of the doubt because you don't know what kind of day they are having, what kind of week, month, year, life, or whatever. And if they are rude to you or don't give back to you what you think they should, just let them be. They are not ready yet. Don't judge. Don't try to change them. Just smile and be happy that you might have been a bright spot in their day, and move on. You can't control them or their feelings, and you shouldn't try to. You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself.

So, there it is. Week Two report. I think I've covered just about everything there is to cover. Now I'm off to study. Hope some of the postures will stick in my underused brain! I hope that one of them will be the "T like in Tom" and NOT the broken umbrella.

Some quotes from the week:

"Don't change the words of the dialogue. The words are there for a reason. It's like a song. You don't sing 'Raindrops keep falling on my ASS...' am I right?? So, you use the words of the dialogue exactly as they are written and your students will understand exactly what to do!"

"Having doesn't mean anything if you don't know how to use it."

Bikram, "Am I right?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

Bikram, "You got my point?"

Everyone, "Yes!"

"Smile...it doesn't cost you anything."

"It takes 43 muscles in the face to make a frown. It takes 3 to smile."

I'm Seeing You All

Forgot to mention in this week's post. I'm "seeing" you all. My friends and family. It's funny. A sort of game that Mark and I play when we're out somewhere or traveling somewhere far from home. We see someone who looks like someone back home. It makes us smile. Here, when I see someone "from home," it gives me great comfort.

Amazing that people from all over the world can be so familiar! Either that or I'm really cracking up here! In any case, it's good to "see" you...Caty Cook and Michelle Pfeiffer. Someone "sent" you two girls to me.

I'll look for more of you in the coming weeks.

Alice In The Wonderland

Okay...I hope you noticed the extra word in today's blog title. There is no "the" in the original title to the story, but I had to use this as my title for this week's post because it seems to fit so well. And I must give credit where credit is due...this is NOT my wording. It was in one of my emails this past week from our dear friend and teacher Pavida (for those of you who don't know, Pavida teaches at Bikram Yoga Richmond and she has a beautiful way with words due to her exotic foreign accent!).

So, it seems that the "Alice In Wonderland" part is fitting because that's pretty much exactly who I feel like this week. I'm walking around, looking around at the strange and unusual sights and sounds, sort of in awe of it all, sort of disgusted by some of it, and amused by some of it.

The extra "the" in the title seems also fitting because I now find myself actually thinking and occasionally speaking JUST LIKE THIS!!! Perhaps it is from listening to Bikram all week conduct class with his Indian accent, conduct lecture with his Indian accent, and practicing the dialogue so much, which seems to lend itself to speaking sort of "all chopped up" if you will. Just the words you need. No extra stuff.

Except for the "the." That is extra stuff, but I'm using it this week, because it seems to fit.

Big sigh.

So, where where WHERE to begin to report from this week's activities? There is so much to say, so much in my brain, that I don't know where to begin. Bikram has said that several times this week...he seems to be bubbling over with excitement at the knowledge he has in his head to give to all of us. He says he has so many stories. So many lessons to teach us all. And the jokes. Several good jokes were told this week. We actually ASKED for the jokes. And now, of course, I can't remember any of them. If you've been reading my blog from the beginning, you know I have memory issues... Even if I could remember them, they would be sure to offend someone, somewhere, somehow. No question.

Am sitting in a quiet area of the hotel, inside, even though it's a beautiful day out. I was out earlier this morning with my roommate at a great breakfast place. We sat outside and I ate stuff that I normally would NOT eat. But, I figure with ten classes in my pocket from this past week, it won't do me any harm. Feeling a little strange today. Physically strange. A little shaky...hopefully due to the cup of coffee I had this morning and nothing else.

Oh...or the 10 classes of hot yoga?

Oh...or the stress of figuring things out all week?

Oh...or just the stress of it being "me" who is doing this!

But, let me go back a few days. Let's get back to the "Alice In The Wonderland" part. Alice has made it through one week. Alice is still standing (or rather, relaxing on a sofa). Alice is glad to have the first week behind her. Alice has met some interesting people and seen some amazing things.

I'm keeping notes in my notebook during afternoon and evening lecture, trying to write down things that I want to remember so that I can take a little time to reflect on them on Sundays, which is the day that I think I'll be able to relax, breathe, and try to take it all in, take a little time for myself. So, sitting here in the hotel, enjoying the company of no one but myself (a welcome relief after being surrounded by people all the time all week long), I'm turning the pages of my notebook to relive the past week.

Yoga classes this week have been okay. As I think about it, the fact that we did ten classes is pretty amazing. Taking class with 358 students and about 20 to 30 extra people in the back (visiting teachers and staff) is sort of surreal. Like Alice in the Wonderland. Each class I sit and observe everyone, watching people interact with each other and try to get to know one another. I thought that the yoga room at home was full and "crowded" with 40 people, but this is truly unimaginable.

The ceiling has stopped moving, at least. That was making me dizzy. Oh...you're wondering about the ceiling moving? Well, we are in a sort of temporary/permanant yoga room/tent structure and inside, the mirrors, on three sides, are not actually mirrors, but sheets of mylar (?) that sort of make you look like you're in a funhouse. The sheets of mylar are freestanding, not attached to a wall behind them, so they sort of sway and move if it's windy outside. (Which it was earlier this week) So, if you are fortunate enough to be somewhere in the room where you can actually see yourself, it might not be such a great thing because you can easily get motion sickness.

Then, when looking up at the ceiling during the first breathing exercise, on day one, I noticed that the ceiling, which is draped with white fabric, also sways and moves with any wind. You're "supposed to feel dizzy" during this breathing exercise anyway, so I guess the fact that the ceiling moves is just an additional tool to help you get to dizzy.

After a week, I think I am used to the movement.

The weather here this week was pretty cold. And because the yoga room walls are not made of brick, it was difficult to heat it properly. As of Friday, the weather started to warm up and there was much-welcomed humidity in the room. Everyone was happy for the sweat, and I found out this week that Bikram yoga is very difficult withOUT the humid conditions. So, everyone who goes to class and is reading this back in the hot and humid climate of the East Coast...be GLAD for the humidity. It is really helping you more than you know. I know you get angry with it, you try to wipe it from your eyes and your face, and you wonder how you can be sweating so much and why it has to be so humid in this room... But it's really doing you a huge favor. Big huge favor.

This week in Thursday morning class as well as Friday morning class, I found myself crying, tears coming down sort of gently...for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was exhausted. We were up late on both Wednesday and Thursday nights, so I was mentally tired from lack of sleep, physically tired from so much yoga, and the stress of studying, waiting in line to present my dialogue for Bikram, all of the "newness" of everything. Figuring it all out and having no control over it and all the stress that brings...just exhausted.

But, don't feel bad. Don't turn your head sideways and think, "Awwwww...poor thing." It was just fine with me to cry. I still did the class, I was not hysterical or falling on my rear. I was okay, just crying. It was good to let it out. I felt pretty good afterwards.

Our teachers have been great this week. Morning class is tough. I am feeling stiff and sore and tired. I feel like it is a warm up for the day. Afternoon class is amazing. Bikram has such energy and everyone feels that his eyes are on us, all individually. He doesn't hesitate to point out the ability he has to see everything. During the first class he taught on Monday, out of 350 students in the yoga room, ONE student crossed his arms the wrong way during Eagle posture and Bikram pointed him out. "Mr. Blue...your arms is crossed the wrong way." Mr. Blue fixed himself, and then Bikram was sure to point out to us (in case we hadn't noticed) that he could SEE Mr. Blue...only one...making the wrong move. So, now, we are all highly aware that when Bikram is teaching us, he's watching us. Every one. And in case you are wondering if Bikram was pulling a fast one and there really was no Mr. Blue...I was standing about three people away from him, and I saw him fix his arms, so yes, Bikram really DID see Mr. Blue. No joke, no bluff, unbelieveable!

There are a few students who stand out by way of their appearance and thank goodness I am NOT one of them. Because these easily-identified students are "easy targets" in class. There is "Miss Korea," "Miss Cleopatra," and the "High School Boy." All are women. High School Boy is a lovely young woman with beautiful postures who has a very short hair cut. Fortunately, she is also a good sport, and has accepted her new name.

All of these people are characters in "the Wonderland." Like the Mad Hatter or the Queen of Hearts. We are all in it together.

So, I presented my Half Moon dialogue in front of 357 people and Bikram on Thursday. I was number 170 and I was able to squeeze my presentation in just prior to dismissal at 4:00. I think this was a good thing, because Bikram must've been tired and ready for a break. I got a quick, "Very good...no comments...NEXT!" from him. My roommate was right after me and was also given good feedback before we all were released to return to our rooms to prepare for evening class. Whew. What a relief to have that behind me! I was more anxious than I had anticipated about the whole thing.

Standing and waiting to take the microphone and get up on the stage had me sweating, my throat was dry, I felt a bit nauseous, my legs were shaking as I walked across the stage...amazing!! A grown woman of my age being so nervous. While I felt my voice shaking, legs shaking, hands sweating, stuff coming out of my mouth and not knowing WHAT I was saying...the words were coming out and the four students who were demonstrating were doing the posture...my friends in the lecture hall all said that I sounded confident and great and that they would take my class any time! Wow! Great!

Bikram gives everyone feedback, the good, the bad, the ugly, but mainly, the truth. He gives constructive criticism and we all listen and learn from what he says as everyone goes up to present. After about 150 people, when a few folks would get stuck, someone in the audience would shout out the next word, giving our fellow students some help in order to get them out of their stressful situation. Bikram turned around after a while of this happening and he was smiling from ear to ear. He talked to us about how we haven't even known each other for a week and we are helping each other. He was very proud of this, it was evident the way a parent will watch a child discover something for himself and then point it out. "Did you see what just happened? Do you see what is happening?"

Physically I'm feeling okay. This morning (Sunday) I woke up with a stiff neck and a lot of pain in my upper back. Michelle...uh...where is my personal massage therapist??? It has felt better as the day wears on and I hope it'll pass with the yoga classes this week. Something else will come up, I'm sure. I also have a twitchy muscle in my thigh. Just twitching for no apparent reason. But, I'm still standing. Physically okay after week one.

A few of us rented a car for the weekend. We found a place to do our laundry, visited a few stores to stock up on food and supplies for the room, ate some delicous food, and felt that we were "in control" for just a bit of time. Three grown women, all using their cell phone GPS systems, trying to locate Wal Mart or Target. Pretty funny. We had to laugh at ourselves. We also kept vocalizing how we were proud of ourselves for finding our way to the laundrymat, finding our way to the store, to the restaurant, or whatever. Hey! We are grown-ups! In a strange land. With strange people and strange roads. And we figured it out!! Now are prepared for the start of Week Two. At least we have established somewhat of a routine and figured out the "way to work things" as far as eating, getting around the hotel and local area, etc. That added a lot of stress to the first week. Hopefully that is gone.

Some good quotes from the past few days...

"All the money in the world is no good if you aren't happy."

"You can cheat the world by doing many things that are wrong. No one else may realize what you are doing, this cheating. But you can NEVER cheat yourself. You will know what you are doing. Your guilty conscious will always tell you that you are cheating. Don't cheat yourself. In yoga class, in life. Just do it. Do it the right way. Don't cheat. You gain nothing by cheating."

"The best food is NO FOOD." Ha Ha Ha. My Italian self has to laugh heartily at this one.

"As long as you live, you have nothing to lose. Ask me why (everyone says "WHY?"). Because you didn't have anything to START with. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain."

"Life in India is Hell. And yet the Indian people are loyal to their family and true to each other. It is because their life is like Hell. Until your life is like Hell, you don't appreciate how wonderful your life truly is."

"Miss Korea!! What are you doing? Get your ass in the chair!!!" (During awkward pose where you are supposed to sit down like you are sitting in a chair.)

So, there it is. Week One. I was able to skype with Mark and Maggie today, also my Mom and Dad and Alexis and her family. Seeing everyone was great, but it also seems that they all were giving my sympathetic looks. I'm sure I looked tired. I am tired. Going for a nap now. Taking it easy today. Getting ready to begin the second week.

Seeing that Maggie is happy and doing well makes things easier. I found that I got choked up today when Mark showed me the DOGS on skype. The DOGS were choking me up! Perhaps it's because I know they can't understand where I am and I'm feeling sorry for them. Who knows? The emotions are just what they are. I am just letting them "be."

It seems that time will not allow me to blog more than one time a week, so that'll have to be the best I hope to do.

I cannot close this post without saying that reading all of the comments and receiving emails from home is SO encouraging. I can feel the support from all of you who are communicating with me in some form or another. It makes me feel like I am really "someone" and not just one of 358 students being told what to do, when to do it, and where I don't know anyone who really knows who I am or what kind of person I am. That's been odd. To observe myself in this situation where I don't know anyone...to observe how I interact (or not) and how I choose to make friends (or not). It's interesting to see that I am not such a "people person" in my opinion, at least not at first. At first, I'm observing and watching and learning something from all kinds of people, some who are like me, most who are not. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Already I have met people who have incredible stories to tell. Some have had drug or alcohol problems, some emotional or physical problems, there is so much we don't know about people. Everyone has a story that makes them who they are. And you just don't know by looking at someone or by watching them interact. You just don't know where they've been in their life in order to bring them to this point where they look like they do, act like they act, think like they think. It's made me more accepting and compassionate towards people. Already I'm understanding that to pass judgements based upon initial observations is a waste of energy. Eveyone has someting to offer. Everyone.

I am thinking of you all and counting the days until I can see you all again. You all offer me so much and I am thankful for having you in my life.

Alice has now found her way around the Wonderland. I'm sure things will be more difficult this week for her. But she will reach out to her new friends for help, receive love and support from her old friends back at home, and she'll make it back here to give another report. On another day. Right now Alice is tired and needs some sleep.

Is It Too Early?

Okay, so I wasn't going to post anything today, but I can't resist because we have the night "off" from evening lecture so there is a bit of extra time. I'm sure it's the last time this will happen for a while, and since we start full schedule tomorrow, I know I'll not be able to get my thoughts out on paper. Or computer. Or whatever this is...

First of all, I would like to announce to whoever may be reading that I am ALREADY sore and there has only been ONE class. This is the part where everyone who is reading does a little head cock and says, "Awwwww...poor thing, how can she be sore already?" I hadn't gone to class since Thursday and I guess all of the sitting in cramped airplane seats during travel and sitting in orientation longer than I am used to sitting, sleeping in a new bed, just general being out of the routine, are all contributing to my being stiff. I was looking forward to class tonight and hoping it would loosen me up a bit. And it did, for a while during class. However, now that the old girl has showered and put on the PJ's...things are stiffening up.

Is this a bad sign on Day One? Is it too early to be feeling stiff already? Isn't yoga supposed ot make you feel better? Hmmmm.

Well, at least it's done and I MADE IT THROUGH. Day One is done and I am here to tell about it. Even though I shouldn't be. Telling about it, that is...not "being here."

I found myself thinking during class tonight...and I realize I'm not supposed to "think," but I couldn't help it. BIKRAM was teaching!! There were 300 people in the room! THREE HUNDRED. (The other 60 are stranded in Europe due to the volcanic ash and will be arriving by the end of this week, we are told.) All of us from all over the WORLD are gathered in this room with a common goal and hopefully in nine weeks, we'll all be certified to start teaching! How much distraction can a person take?? And I was in about the fifth row and couldn't see myself in the mirror, so I had a hard time focusing. And I had a headache. But it's not like I could opt out. "I have a headache...I don't think I'll go to class today."

Not an option.

So, I found myself thinking of those that have done this before me and if they can do it, maybe I can too. I found myself thinking about my teachers who have influenced me and encouraged me saying that I could do it. They all did it and if they believe in me, then I should just relax and believe in me too. So, I had this conversation in my head during class (again....I know...the thinking is a problem...I have nine weeks to work it out) and that sort of got me through.

That, and I really DID "take it easy, Honey" like Bikram said to do.

So, is it too early to start feeling stiff and sore and tired? I don't think so. Might as well get it all started. Dive right in. One day at a time, one class at a time, one posture at a time, one sore muscle at a time. Just like 90 minute class. One breath at a time. Taking the positive spin on this...it will help me to force myself to take it easy for this first week while I'm still getting used to the routine.

Speaking of the "positive spin" makes me recall a few quotes from our orientation today. I found them extremely interesting, and of course, due to memory issues, I want to record them for my future self.

"Negative energy is nine times more powerful than positive energy." So, get RID of the negative energy. Leave it outside. Way outside. Like, wherever you came from. Leave it all behind you. Don't bring it with you, don't hang around others who exude it, leave it.

"Doing it ninety-nine percent right still equals WRONG." And don't you go thinking that one hundred percent right is good either. 110%...okay.

"There is no limit to good. You can never have too much good, can you?" Think about that one...interesting. "What's the worst thing will happen to you? You die. That is the limit of the worst thing. The end. Bad has a limit."

"You think they are missing you at home? NO ONE is missing you. They are glad you're gone!!" This one got a big laugh, I imagine, because all of us are most likely control freaks and those we've left behind are now released from our constant watchful and controlling ways. I know I had a good laugh at this point in the lecture.

So, is it too early for soreness and fatigue after just Day One...where they took it easy on us?

Doesn't matter is it's too early or not.

That's just the way it is.